Sunday 31 March 2013

Ships, Space and SQL

The word of the week is pernicious.

March 25 - Job Satisfaction

Work's been going very well, I have to say. It has its moments, but in general I've been enjoying it more than any of my previous jobs, which is saying a lot.

One benefit of their training system is that you can do a lot of it online and from home. So that's what I did for two full days this week: I logged in and worked my way through a lot of training modules, getting paid to do so which was really refreshing. Sure, a lot of the material was just common sense, but quickly learning the procedures of the company is the best way to avoid stress when it's busiest on-shift.


I should be moving into the technology sales side of things within a few weeks, if all goes well, which it should given the feedback I've been receiving so far. I think that everyone there is glad that I don't need a lot of handholding due to my previous experience with Office Depot and that I'm flexible enough to work all areas of the store under my own supervision for the most part. I think that's been the most surprising part of the job: I know what I'm doing and it shows, as I'm not being micromanaged while I use my best judgment to get things done.

I'm pretty good at that.

March 26 - Relationships are like ships

One thing I've never had is a solid relationship.

While disappointing, what that means to me is that I've not yet found the right person… or I haven't been ready for that kind of relationship. Heavy stuff, that sort of thinking.

I'm not the sort of individual who defines myself by the attachment to or from the validation of another person; I'm pretty self-contained and that served me well over the years.


Yet at a certain point in life, one can't help but wonder about how appealing you are to others in relationship terms. Validation often rears its ugly head at this point, whispering vicious things into the ears of your subconscious about how perhaps all the things you think are great about yourself really don't matter much when it comes to relationships.

For me, I've often wondered why so few people have taken an interest in me over the years and why none of the people I've shown interest in have returned it. That's a rabbit hole you can disappear down into very easily and I've held back from that sort of speculation, knowing that I can do better than ruminate on what-if's; relationships are slippery slope if you're walking it alone. Being the person I am, I know that I'm a solid sort, that I was raised right and that I have a lot to offer to the right person.

When, not if, that happens, the whole different world should open up to me. Until then, I have to make the world I'm in the best I can while staying myself; one thing I do know is that I won't change myself for someone else just to try to be more appealing. It's tempting, but if you go down that road, then how do you know that they were interested in the real you in the first place?

Like I said: I'll stay out of the rabbit hole and walk my own path, wherever that leads. Maybe it will lead here, a bond that few could argue the strength of:


March 27 - Space Dreams

From the time I was just a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut.

But it wasn't meant to be; mathematics is a big part of becoming one of the few who can fly in space and I never got along with numbers. Words are much better friends to me and while I regret someone not being able to go into space, I can create all the worlds I need in my imagination.

Being an astronaut is still cool, though. Earlier in January 2013, Chris Hadfield has become quite the media darling for his tweets from space that have included a conversation with William Shatner: one space commander to another, so to speak.


Today, Commander Hadfield had another conversation with a woman in Niagara-on-the-Lake, a small town near my own hometown back in Ontario. He called to speak to her during her birthday party, held at her request to celebrate her life while she battles cancer. Elizabeth Peters chatted with Cmdr. Hadfield for a while about various things and in doing so showed just how incredible our world is that someone orbiting our planet was able to take the time to connect with another Canadian. For that reason alone I'll always be an astronaut at heart.

March 28 - SQL ?

Last week, one of the members of my writing group told me about a job. A good example of networking, almost literally!

He seems to think that I have the right qualities to work at his company as a program tester, as long as I can get my head around the basics of the database programming language they use: SQL.


It's not a piece of cake, I have to say. I'm not a programmer; see my entry above about how well I get along with numbers. However, it's a better paying job than the one I'm in at Staples and while all the job's details aren't clear to me quite yet, I can always use more money coming in each month. 

So this weekend I've cuddled up to a copy of SQL For Dummies to try to understand the basics of what the SQL language is all about. It's been rather difficult and I'll definitely need the rest of the week to get through the book before I even attempt my first shots at using what I've learned. My friend was thoughtful enough to provide me with a basic FAQ / questionnaire about SQL containing samples of the kinds of questions I'd have to be answering on a daily basis.

I have to admit I'm a little intimidated, but the chance to almost double my rate of pay has allowed me to cudgel my brain into accepting that learning SQL is worth the headache-inducing reading that I've done so far.

Wish me luck.

March 29 - Had a bad day

Today was a bad day for me.

There's still been a lot of stress bearing down on me, even though my landing a job has made it less of a mountain and more of a very large hill.

My mind tends to want solutions and won't stop until it finds them, no matter what the situation or problem. I've been staggering along  for so long carrying so much on my shoulders that on days like today, I can't see when it will stop and I can just get going again.

The lovely long weekend weather today helped to break my doldrums, as I made a point of sitting outside for a few hours on the patio at Moka House to soak up the sun. The bleak future of the next five years seemed less so once I kept repeating positive mantras to myself, while reminding my brain that I've come a long way in the last 20 years in many areas and that I have a lot to be thankful for.


Sure, I could list half a hundred things that I've liked to have had turned out differently, but that's nonproductive. Sitting there in the sun, I breathed in the fresh air and told myself that I was luckier than most to be where I was and who I was today. Success isn't measured solely in money or in comparing yourself to others; success is when you can look yourself in the eye and give yourself a nod of respect for what you've accomplished.

I did that when I got home today and it felt good. Soon enough, it will feel great.

March 30 - Moving Day Exemption

My parents moved into their new place today over in Cadboro Bay and for the first time ever, I was exempt from helping with the family move.

I have still been feeling the effects of my brief flirtation with running from two weeks past. My knee joints still ache and my right knee has been particularly painful, especially on the top of the kneecap. I've been using some medicated gel my doctor prescribed for me and while it has helped, I have only seen improvement in that it no longer hurts just to walk down the street; anymore running is still dependent on if the pain goes away soon and if I can find out why it began in the first place.

All that meant was that today I would have been of little use in carrying her moving things, despite having regained general use of my arms as my tendinitis has regressed, thankfully. It's ironic that it was a year ago this month that I injured my arms and now a year later my knees are giving me trouble. Other people can play video games and run along the sidewalk just fine; why can't I? Maybe I should just be a Viking, they're tough:


In any case, the new place my parents found is lovely: it's a large condo with plenty of room for them and all their stuff, located in a quiet building with quiet neighbors and not too far from Victoria. They even have a very spacious den into which I'll be moving most of my book collection for safekeeping, as I really don't have the room here and quite honestly I haven't been reading much in the last year. Being able to store my books along with a few other things somewhere that's not subject to damp or other dangers to paper is a big relief to me. I'm glad that they found such a nice place, as it's exactly the sort of condo  that I've been working so hard these past years to get them into so they can enjoy their retirement years… and so I can look to my own needs, as I've said before.

Plus, I can use the occasional visit as an excuse to 'rediscover' my books. How nice is that?

March 31 - Mental Games

Switching mental gears here, I'm not going to talk about Game Of Thrones.

Sure, I could: today's the premiere of the third season of the show and I happen to be really into it. But seeing as I have yet to finish watching the second season with my sister, you'll forgive me if I don't want to talk about it - at least not yet.

Instead, I'll mention a bit about The Mentalist.

For those of you haven't seen the show, it's a crime drama with the neat twist similar to my other fave crime drama: Castle. In The Mentalist, the 'outsider' member of the team is a man named Jane( shades of Firefly, anyone? )with unique abilities enabling him to see connections and read people like nobody else. He doesn't claim to have any sort of supernatural or actual psychic abilities but his powers of observation and insight are incredible, which I find appealing. I also really enjoy the fact that he often wears a smile indicating he knows something that nobody else does and finds it amusing without being overbearing or aloof. Simon Baker, the actor who plays the character of Patrick Jane, is perfect for the role and exudes a calm confidence that lends incredible weight to his believability and convictions in his insights.

While I haven't seen all that many episodes, my parents have been ardent watchers of The Mentalist and collected the last three seasons on DVD. I don't find that I have a lot of TV habits in common with my parents but I'm pleased to say that they're watching a solid show, right along with their regular viewing of Castle - who wouldn't want to watch a show where a writer is the star?


This week's blog was both difficult and easy to write; I simply turned on the microphone and let my thoughts out onto the page, which was fulfilling and I put a lot out on the page. Last few months have been a yo-yo ride in many ways for me, was a lot of what I'm feeling and thinking not making it onto the blog as it would just be counterproductive and quite honestly not worth reading. I tend to work things through inside the comfort of my own head but I'm finding that nowadays I have to talk here and there to friends or family just to get a sense of balance of where I'm heading, which is only natural. It's all new territory to me this year, in many ways and this blog helps me see where I've been so I can walk more steadily towards where you need to be going.