Sunday 6 October 2013

Life, Loss and Learning

The word of the week is absence.

Sept 30 - Positive Signs

Life's shaking itself out around here lately.

For me, it's just come down to my day job and writing - that's it. My sister has been finding her own way, creating a happy support path for herself that I don't have to parallel in order to keep both our heads above water. That's been a major relief to me as she seems to be manifesting the happiness that she needs in her life fairly easily and looks to be heading towards a bright future here in Victoria.


Which leaves me to do my own thing, whatever shape that will take. It seems likely that I'll be staying here in Cook Street Village, in the same building that I've come to adore for many reasons, its location and its residents among them. I can see myself getting the day job balanced with my writing ambitions, pushing myself above the ceiling in terms of training and becoming comfortable to the point where I leave for home with as much energy as I arrived at work with. Meaning that I can get a good few hours of writing done every day, in harmony with doing my job properly and enjoying it both, alongside having decent social life and just enjoying myself without any other burdens competing for my attention.

Eventually the transition will happen where my day job IS the writing, and I won't have to pay the bills any other way.


Oct 1 - ReBoot Returns!!!

Finally, some great news!

Almost twenty years after it went off the airwaves, the ground-breaking CGI cartoon ReBoot is coming back! Not just in-reruns either, but as a brand-new updated series, using current state-of-the-art technology and new characters - you can read the official Press Release here.


I'm very, very excited; I own the series on DVD( it's not all that easy to find )and it's eminently re-watchable, especially the third season which has some fantastic storytelling arc points. I first watched the show while I was attending university and fell in love with it immediately, not only because of its CGI graphics but the story BEHIND those pixels was quite compelling. Still is, when I think about it, really.

Oh, and Rainmaker is apparently working on a Ratchet and Clank film slated for a 2015 release; sweet!


Oct 2 - Loss of a friend

I found out from a friend that another friend has died this week, far too young.

That was shocking to hear. Even though I hadn't seen much of them since I'd left Niagara in 2007, they were still on my social radar and good people, to boot. A further shock was that they died from complications arising from what I'd had last year: pneumonia.

That's… scary, to think of what might have been. And sobering, to see it played out as an end someone else's life. To have had their family's dreams for their future cut short, to have them suddenly vanish from the lives of their friends and co-workers, to see all the plans and hopes and dreams just… stop.


Over the years, I've been well aware of my own mortality and that of others. There have been numerous close calls both for myself and people I know, where things could have gone horribly wrong and that would've been it. Even now, when the days are dull and dreary and things seem as though they'll never change for the better, I know that we only get one shot at doing things on this mortal coil and that's it. For good or bad, we are here to make the best of it and to never take for granted the time that were given to do so.

Once you are gone, the hope is that you will be missed and not be forgotten. I know that I make a point to remember those I've met and befriended who have passed on already as often as I can, for when I do, they live again, if only in my memories.

Be sure to tell those around you how much they mean to you today, in case tomorrow never comes.


Oct 3 - Life Envy

Some days it's hard to get focused.

There's a lot that can distract you from the now, as it's called: money, career, romance, family and half the hundred things that all dance around in your head, vying for your attention without pause.

Being who I am, I'm always thinking, always pondering the possible and mulling over the probable of what could be, what is and what was. For me, what could be sometimes gets confused with What Could Have Been and even What Should Have Been, neither of which is not really relevant to my life now.


Sure, I could be decades into a career, climbing ladders and punching cards towards the glimmer of success just outside my grasp. Or I could have already achieved success, to the point where I'm wondering what to do with my life as a next step. I could be a happy family man, content to support my wife and children with an unremarkable career that means a secure, steady paycheck.

But I am none of those things right now.

I'm a man who has journeyed far, standing at the top of the mountain pass with the cold winds behind him, looking down towards the valleys and hills and wondering where they will lead me next.

Green pastures? Desert lands? Surely it will be a road to places I've not imagined yet, but I'll keep putting 1 foot in front of the other to get myself there regardless. I'm the sort of person who doesn't give up but keeps on going in the certainty that the horizon will still be there whether or not I can see it at the present.

For me, that's what keeps me going. For now, that's all I need.


Oct 4 - No Pity

I'm of two minds when it comes to thinking about how the universe works.

On the one hand, I grew up believing the universe was a logical place, where what we  now mostly understand Make Things Happen. Gravity, atomic structure, physics and all the forces that science knows make the universe tick like a vast, unimaginably complicated clock from one millisecond to the next. That such a universe has a place for everyone and everything, big and small, in it's order and chaos both. And that such a place has no malice or beneficence implicit in its design; it just IS.

On the other hand, of late I've been leaning towards the 'Benevolent Universe' model. Mainly this is based on 'wants and needs' in terms of making one's world aware of what you want and/or need. Positive reinforces positive and conversely negative begets the same, so those who wear a smile on their face and in their heart will find such reflected back at them… and vice-versa.


It's been interesting to discover how the latter has worked on a daily basis, week to week as I attempt to focus on the positive things in life. The little coincidences that we may take for granted every day suddenly become much more significant in terms of noticing patterns and responses, given one's train of thought at the time. An interesting example of a need being met was several weeks ago, when the desk that we had been using for our backup PC had to be given back to its owner, who had suddenly  changed their mind about our using it. 

That very evening, I was walking home along Cook Street when I espied a small compact computer desk sitting by the roadside, looking lonely in the dark. It was in perfect condition and exactly what we needed for our space-challenged apartment, so I immediately took it home with me with a feeling of gratitude suffusing my mind. I could give other examples of things appearing when needed but I'll simply say that if you're not watching for them, you could walk right on by or even worse just take them for granted, which I try not to do.

I am however still waiting for a briefcase full of money to show up; I think about it every day. The odd part is, that's a want, not a need.

Sure would solve a few problems though, I have to admit.


Oct 5 - Praise

One thing I'm terrible at is giving out compliments.

However, the corollary to that is that I seem to attract quite a few of them - for which I'm quite grateful and humbled sometimes.

Today was an example of such; I was feeling rather down, so I went out to Moka House to try and lift my spirits with some tea and confectionery goodies. As I placed my order at the counter, the server pause and a smile brightened his face before he said "You know, I have to say that it's always a pleasure serving you as you're always so polite and never make it difficult with your order."

This is a BIG printable sheet - go ahead and pass it around!

It was so unexpected that I babbled some sort of pleasantry in response, then paid and waited off to the side feeling rather much happier than I had been moments before - such is the power of a compliment. Especially one that is unexpected and possibly even deserved, as I do try to make things easy for people who deal with me as much as possible.

Where I am weak is in giving OUT those kinds of compliments to people for jobs well done, among other things. I tend to live a lot in my head, giving a nod or smile in appreciation instead of actually saying something and that's not quite good enough, as this afternoon a few words proved that they can make a big difference in someone's day.

Be sure to give those words voice when they are deserved.


Oct 6 - Balancing isn't an act

Yesterday was my day off and today feels better because of it.

I managed to accomplish a lot yesterday, despite falling asleep exhausted on the couch for most of the morning. I'm still losing weight, not eating enough and not getting enough of the right things, such as protein, on a daily basis - that's going to change starting this week as I up my intake and adjust my diet.


It's all about balance, of finding the right mix of time and energy to devote to various tasks - personal, professional and domestic all. Yesterday I made real progress on revising my novel's third draft, getting the ball rolling quite nicely for a few hours. I also spent a few hours outside in the sunshine, sitting on the patio at Moka House reading a few science-fiction stories and letting my whole being... just be.

That's the best part about living where I am: there's a LOT I can do, right here in the heart of the city, that ISN'T about spending money - it's about spending time with myself, not at home, or at work.

That's restful.


It's a new month and a new week. I've less on my mind of late, which is a good thing all around as I have a LOT to do yet writing-wise in the next few months. In addition to getting on track at work. Until next week, then...