The word of the week is cardiac.
Oct 31 - Boo.
It was the last of the double shifts today, where I am running 3 branches. Open one and close the other, that's the way it has gone the last 2 months. Too bad today's Halloween, but it doesn't matter: I never get any invites for parties out here in BC, so it's a non-even for me. No costume picked this year again anyway; I'll save Cobra Commander for next year. Again.
I do like Halloween, but I haven't had a house to decorate for visitors in over a decade. The last house I 'spookified' was when I was splitting a place with my sister in Niagara and I was still in university; yes, that long ago. I dressed up as a vampire in full makeup and costume and stood outside on the lawn, pretending to be a mannequin. I even 'tied' myself to a small tree so I could give myself a realistic 'lean' as though I was just a prop. Scare total? Fourteen kids, twenty adults and nobody over the age of forty - just in case. Everyone had a good laugh and I got to try out my terrible 'Count Dracula' impression.
Now I just watch Halloween specials and try not to buy too much candy to eat. No doorbell, no front lawn, and no costume. Whee. Oh, and as a kid I dreamed of creating a costume from The Dark Crystal but I didn't have the skills. THIS guy did:
Nov 1st - Chest pains and a visit to the ER
Help arrived today from ON: a BM named Linda came in to assist me on a midshift after I opened the downtown branch. A good thing too; I had been having chest pains since I awoke today, sharp and random and worrying. There were NO other signs of them being cardiac-related, such as numbness or sweating... but my worry grew as the day went on past lunch and they kept returning. Sharper and more painful; I bruised my chest from pressing my hand into it for so hard and so long, as that seemed to help. A bit.
So I handed things over to Linda( that took almost 2 hrs, btw; I wasn't impressed )and took a cab over to Emergency at the Jubilee Hospital at 3pm. I was admitted quickly, as chest pains are high priority - thanks. Two ECG tests and a blood test later saw me cleared of any suspicious heart troubles, but the doctor could not pin down what exactly it was. He suggested stress as a major factor( obviously )and perhaps some inflamed chest wall muscles; an Advil a day for a few weeks should keep the ER away. Ha, ha. Only not all that funny - glad I am still here and able to laugh.
I didn't get much of a reaction from my DM, after telling him I was headed to the hospital OR after I headed home late in the evening. That, I think, disappointed me more than anything else today.
Time to leave, on my own, while I don't need an ambulance.
Nov 2 - Four Years( plus a day )in BC!
Well, it's been four years now. Four years since my family and I left ON to move to BC, leaving behind many friends and others of our extended family, along with all that we knew of this country. For myself, I had never been to BC before stepping on a plane that day; it was a huge change that I hoped would lead to better things for us all.
Four years later, that's mostly come true, but not without much stress, struggle and heartache. So, no real change from ON, save for the pace.
My family is taken care of now, so that I don't have to worry much about their futures - my parents retirement or my sister's prosperity, really. As for me, it's been a strange ride; I have few friends out here in BC, for various reasons, but I do not feel the lack most days, given my mental state. Which is one that deals with stress, and heartache, and loneliness every waking hour. Along with joy, growing stability and a new-found( yet tentative )balance while looking towards the future.
A future that is closer now more than ever. I'm looking forward to changing jobs, kicking my writing career into high gear, holding out my hand to offer love, and to try to get ahead in a financial sense so that my stress levels will drop all the more. I've been through a lot, accomplished some impressive things, and still feel I have a LOT more to do very soon, for a very long time.
Not bad for four years, looking back. Now, I'm looking forward again.
Nov 3 - Um, I'm okay - thanks for asking?
Some more help arrived today from ON, a CSR named Melissa... who I was told was 'Michelle' - typical MMart efficiency and accuracy, that. Anyway, she was there for the mid-shift as support, so that I actually got a fair bit accomplished today. Plus I had a couple of breaks and didn't feel like I'd been trampled by rhinos by the end of the day. It was such a welcome change that I almost felt energetic by the time I got home; weird feeling, that, given Tuesday's event.
Yet there was still little reaction across the board from most of my co-workers and friends alike, which irked me somewhat. I'm not a drama queen and I tend to downplay my problems, but if I say I'm going to the hospital with CHEST PAINS, you think more than one single person would ask how I was over the next few days. Nope. That's disappointing; disheartening too, if you'll pardon the pun. I don't like to worry people, but hell... next time I'll update my FBook status with 'In hospital with chest pains. Doc getting back to me about open heart surgery. Going to ask for gorilla's heart, as I like bananas.' Maybe that will spark a few people to ask about my health... ? Maybe? Who knows...
Nov 4 - TGIF ...
Just your typical Friday working; since I had help again for the evening, I again managed to get most of my work accomplished - like doing payroll. Total time I spent at work for the last 2 weeks: 112.5 hours. Insane. Sure, it means more money... but that's like juggling live chainsaws for gold coins: you can only spend them if you survive. I mean to spend time, not money, on my future... hopefully with someone special and MOST assuredly doing something ELSE. ASAP.
I'm just glad to be HOME tonight, with the WHOLE weekend OFF. No calls, no work-stress - everything I could THINK of( and a few things on top )was taken care of during the week, so that I can simple ignore the phone for the next 48 hours. It will be a blissful, peaceful, stress-free ignorance, all told: the best kind.
Nov 5 - Fellowship
Not quite the whole weekend off, as it turns out. I was woken at 6:36am by my work cell; the CSR scheduled today had food poisoning from last night... along with everyone from the bowling alley she went out with. Unpleasant. And not conducive to working whilst tossing one's cookies. Unsurprised, I watched an hour of early morning cartoons before resignedly getting ready for the day... but I DID call the only other CSR in the region whom I KNEW had the day off and wanted to work. Turns out he could come in at noon.
So I worked until a little after lunch, then handed things over gratefully and went home. Where I popped in a brand-new copy of The Fellowship Of The Ring Bu-Ray( Extended Edition )and whiled away the afternoon in the comfortable fantasy world of Tolkien. It sounded and looked amazing on my new TV system, which I tweaked continuously as the moving evening went on - such things make me happy. Maybe it's the sense of control? Perhaps.
Nov 6 - In passing... regret.
No phone calls today, thankfully. Just a blissful breakfast... broken by sad news that my Uncle Vince had passed, after a long struggle with illness and with debilitation of the mind. His was a gentle, loving soul that was tied to his wife's as few others I have known; they knew each other since they were small children and were always part of each others lives - inspiring. My uncle had a capacious memory for history and art, and was a talented woodcarver - he could create felines from wood that were so graceful you would believe they had been carved by the spirits of the wood themselves. I regret to this day( and ever after )that I never took the time to have him teach me that subtle art; while I am not skilled with most things, I do love to work wood whenever I can, however poorly my tools and my skills will allow. Regrets.
The rest of the day was turned towards relaxation with friends, via the arena of Battlefield3: many booms were made of foes and friends alike. I found myself enjoying myself a fair deal, as I've managed to ignore the frustration of constantly losing by immersing myself in the experience of co-operative gameplay. Along with learning how to come closer to winning each time too.
No links this week, just a sketch of how things wound down, after winding up on the 1st of the month. The ball is in play and we shall see where it falls...
