The word of the week is vulnerable.
June 19 – Finality
Five months from now, I'll have to make a HUGE decision about my future:
Do I go on, or do I
call it quits?
Before you worry, I'll be clear: I'm
talking about my financial future, and how my current ongoing situation is drastically
affecting my life.
Things have been coming to a head for
some time now, and my projections show that this year is the clincher, hence
the decision needed as noted above.
To be blunt: I owe more than I can
ever pay back, given my present income and my hopes to overcome.
Now, some people will jump on that
right away with advice such as 'Get a better job!' and 'Spend less!' - both
valid points, and both are pieces of advice I have already been
following for years now. The better job( another
$10K a year would be a minimum
)is something I've already spoken about in the blog, that's not been happening
and I've already redoubled my efforts earlier in 2017 to figure out why. Then do something about it.
Spending less, well... I'm as frugal
a guy as I know, without being a hermit.
Looking over my calculations, if I had
been a hermit for the last 5 years... I'd owe 1/3 less money. Which is
still more than I can repay: I owe more than I make in a year at my present
job, which adds up to significant monthly payments that creep up a little bit
more with every bill.
What tipped the balance, you might
ask?
It's a matter of What and When,
really. Continuing depression from years ago meant I purchased things I didn't
need( DVD's, video games, books, some low-cost collectibles )that added up over time,
when I should have been saving for my future AND knocking down my costs
incurred from moving to BC - but I couldn't see that then, like I can now.
Quitting my long-term job in 2012 and
going on EI was the continuation of the downwards slide, as my income dropped
by 1/3. Then I was without income for 5 months after EI ran out before I was
hired for a minimum-wage job... which I stayed at for 2 years while looking for
better work. My income dropped to half of what I was earning before, and the
slide steepened. Despite numerous entreaties to the bank, there 'were no other
options' for me, according to them - more on that in a bit. There was also a
stretch in there where I didn't work for 2 months due to scheduling errors, but
that was just par for the course at that point...
I should have thrown in the towel
then, but I was too stubborn - still am, in some ways.
Three years ago I found a better job,
and managed to halt the slide... but I didn't make progress in reducing my debt
for more than a year into the job, when I managed to get someone at the bank
with a conscience to admit there was a 'HelpLine' that could reduce my monthly
payments by 50%. Nice of them to tell me this after asking regularly for four
years, the bastards. That call was with a very nice lady, who expressed shock
that I hadn't called years ago for help.
Yeah. Hindsight's no use if nobody at the bank admits there's even a window...
In any case, the numbers never lie,
if you're honest about it, and I've been pretty honest with things for the last
5 years. An entire paycheque each month is going to pay my debt, and that will
be unsustainable by early 2018. I've struggled to keep ahead of things and maintain
my credit rating, but by this point it doesn't matter: nobody will give me a
decent rate for a consolidation loan due to the amount of debt( ratios, you
know )meaning that my solid credit rating does me no good whatsoever. I can fight all I want, but the end is in sight - and getting nearer by the week.
More on this in a future post - I can't write about it any more today.
But, I did write about it, out in the open... and that's a big step for me. Not talking about it, working out things on my own, while asking for advice as needed: none of that's worked, and so 2017 will see the end of things Fiscal for me, and perhaps a new beginning for 2018.
June 20 – Futurama LIVE!
"Good news, everyone!" said
Professor Farnsworth.
I love Futurama. It's a show
that rolls so many of the things I love into one program: science fiction,
animation, comedy, puns, satire and so much more make the show a joy to watch
almost every time.
This week was rather special: to
celebrate the release of the only to-date game involving Futurama, there
was a live reading of an episode online! You can watch it in its entirety
below, including the post-episode questions. It's so worth it, especially to see
the incredible dynamic that the cast has with one another. The fluid
interactions and timing from years of practice together make the reading flow
wonderfully well and is only possible with such a finely tuned set of
performers - enjoy!
June 21 – Useful, or not?
For the past month, I've devoted 2
nights a week to money.
Because it was free with my Forum a
few months ago, I've been attending the Land Mark Money Seminar every
Wednesday, and a followup group meeting the Monday after. Tonight was Session 4
of the seminar series... and I was mighty frustrated.
Land Mark offers a 'different'
approach to discovering one's relationship to money, and I had hoped that it
would give me new insights into the nature of my habits with money or at least
prompt me to ask questions I hadn't before.
Tonight, my question was: why am I
still doing this after a month?
While the group discussion sessions
have been interesting and the people in them are all intelligent and pleasant,
little useful insight for me has come out of them. That's not to say that the
methodology is crap, because it does do some good:
The seminars themselves mainly
consist of stories being shared from other attendees, none of which to date
I've been able to relate to my own situation. There's precious little concrete
teaching going on, either: so far, the seminar leader has yet to use the word
'budget' which I find frustrating, along with some other factors. However, some
of the things they teach are useful, such as:
Problem is, I already practice
doing that, and have been for years. The language they insist that one use to
conceptualize their teachings isn't compatible with my mental processes. I
think all the time, on many levels, about many topics, so to re-wire my thought
processes just to take in lessons I already practice really isn't possible, or
needed, in my case. Other people in the seminar have really benefited from the
methods, as evidenced every week by their reactions and insights, but for
someone like myself, who's already deeply introspective and thoughtful, the
sessions have proved only that I'm on the right mental / emotional path... and
that my finances aren't something that can be fixed just with thought, despite my
hope for useful insights into money processes I might not know.
Next week will be the deciding
factor, as the topic is 'Escaping The Money Trap' which is why I've been
hanging on with the series for 5 weeks now.
If it's a rehash of what I already
know, then I'm going to have to bow out: I have a novel to finish editing AND
a second one to finish writing this summer!
June 22 – Woo Juice
It's frustrating being smart,
so much of the time.
Nowhere is that more evident online( FBook )where intelligence and ignorance
meet to mingle and usually shout at each other with various levels of
vehemence.
I tend to chime in on conversations
that involve climate change and vaccines, mainly because these are usually
involve massive amounts of ignorance that are displayed by people: those who
deny climate change and those who deny the effectiveness and /or safety of
modern vaccines.
It's shocking how little people know
about the subjects, even in this day and age of instant information available
on the Internet. For example:
My response to the above would always
be the point person in the right direction of factual information, but there's
a problem: it's actually difficult to find good information with your standard
web search, because so much garbage is shoved in the way first by people with
vested interests in denying the facts for profit.
Seriously. It's mind-boggling that
greed comes before facts so often these days.
Take, for example, the 'superstar' of
the anti-vaccine world: David 'Avacado'
Wolfe, who makes his living by denying the effectiveness of vaccines with
one hand and selling his 'natural lifestyle products' with the other - a
practice I find despicable, dishonest and frankly criminal given that he's been
responsible for so much needless suffering through the spreading disinformation
through his campaigns.
What the Avacado is doing is making is disinformation far easier to find
when people who don't know any better go looking for information about the
safety of vaccines. When they do, it's highly likely that they'll find dire
warnings about the dangers of vaccines on the first few dozen search results
they get, from 'mommy-centric' blogs and natural-health-solution sites brazenly
peddling their wares.
It's frightening how easily people
like the lady above are fooled. One woman responded to one of my measured
statements with a massive copy-pasted list of over 100 studies 'proving' that
vaccines cause harm to children. What she failed at was to actually
investigate the literature, ALL of which has been debunked by the
study-creators peers - someone's actually gone to the trouble at THIS site,
thank goodness.
That's really what it is: a lot of
back-and-forth, with ignorant statements taking massive amounts of time to
refute with proper facts, and then more ignorant statements being made... all
because those who are ignorant cannot find, cannot understand , or just will
not look for the facts themselves because they prefer to maintain their air of
'superiority' over the experts that their echo-chamber friends online tell them
to distrust.
At least until their child falls ill
from a preventable disease.
June 23 – Renting Forever
Housing prices here in Victoria keep
rising.
As I've mentioned before, with the
rental vacancy rate under half a percent, it's next to impossible to find
affordable rentals inside city limits, with one bedroom units going for well
over $1000 - or more, depending if there's a bidding war or not.
The situation is even worse for
people trying to purchase a home, as the average two-income couple can't afford
houses that now start around $600,000 CAN for a two-bedroom detached home, usually
nothing newer than places built in the 1940s. Condominium units
starts at around $300,000 for a tiny one-bedroom sizes in the 600 ft.² range,
which frankly isn't worth the money for the size. The story is worse in
Toronto and Vancouver, where people are praying for a real-estate crash:
With the present market prices,
there's absolutely no way I'll be able to afford any kind of home. Even with a
10% down payment and twice my current income, a mortgage amortized over 25 years would
max out at a purchase price of $550,000 CAD, well short of the calculated costs of decent
homes here in Victoria, which are running around $750,000.
I could always find housing outside
of town, but that means joining the tens of thousands of people who commute
daily along our jammed main highway from the smaller feeder towns of Sooke,
Langford, Sidney and others. I wouldn't do that unless I had any other choice,
because it also mean that I'd have to buy a car... which reduces the maximum
monthly mortgage out I can afford yet again. Not to mention the hours of time lost in traffic jams...
It's discouraging, but at least I don't
have a young family I'm trying to house.
Hopefully by the time I'm looking for
a house( sometime in my early 50's ?)
the market will have adjusted and something decent will be available. In the
meantime, I'll continue to rent, and continue to work on my Tiny House plan,
where I might be able to actually afford something for around $200,000 - which
all depends on getting the proper zoning bylaws passed as well is finding land.
But that's another story.
June 23 – Accents!
I love accents...
One has practice them every little
while to fine-tune your ears, though, and some people are much better at doing
that than others.
Take for example, the lady below:
she's able to do over a dozen accents in less than 4 minutes, and each one is
flawless... so impressive!
For myself, I've long considered
getting into voice acting. While right now I'm too busy with other things, I
have been doing some work( research and practice, mainly )in learning the
business as well is the range of my own voice. As you may have noticed from my Futurama
post above, I have a lot of respect for voice actors; a good friend of mine
has just recently dived into the business and I wish him all the best at making
a living in what I believe can be a fun career.
It's another option for me, I
believe: I just have to talk myself into getting there.
June 25 – Gaming and Vegans
Up early again today... lots to do!
Since I cut out caffeine completely in the fall
of 2016, my biorhythms have adjusted rather nicely. I'm now waking up naturally
around 5:30am, giving me about two hours to get things done in the morning, including some writing.
The weekends do seem to disappear quickly though,
when one plays catch-up with various tasks that need doing. Especially as my
weeks have each been short several days due to the seminars I've been attending
for the last five weeks.
Today I took the afternoon off, spending it with
my girlfriend and my friend Chris playing Super
Dungeon Explorer! It was another hot day outside, and I was grateful to be
able to sit indoors under a ceiling fan to keep cool while we played at his place.
The nice thing about S.D.E. is that it's not
complicated: you choose which Hero mini you want based on their powers, set up
the board and go at it. Enemies spawn based on a set of rules that are
randomized by card draws every turn, and when you defeat them you draw loot cards
to enhance your character's abilities. There are three colors of dice of
increasing potency, each color linked to more powerful items and abilities of
your characters. There's some nice strategy that can be implemented without
over-complication, and the game is challenging enough without being insanely
difficult that you have to work to win but don't expect it... which I like.
 |
| Start on the left and Big Bad Takedown on the right - we all survived! |
We finished up the three-player game in under
three hours, including cleanup, and had a great time. This fall there will be
an RPG expansion to the game, meaning that are characters can keep their loot
between sessions, much like in a regular D&D campaign, which is excellent!
In the evening I attended a Vegan/Vegetarian
potluck dinner at Government House( a
stunning public-accessible place! )hosted by Vegtoria.ca with my parents.
It was well-attended, with about forty people there all told. The weather was
perfect, and the dining options delicious:
It reminded me that I'll have to go back to
Government House a few more times this summer, as it's a 'hidden gem' of
Victoria: the beautifully-kept grounds and lovely architecture are sights best
beheld at leisure, which I hope to have a bit of in the next few months, now
and then.
Did I mention everything was delicious? They had
vegan donuts and cookies!!!!
Apologies for the heavy topics in this week's blog; I've had a lot on my mind, and it's all coming to a head this month, apparently. While I haven't had much use for what Land Mark has been presenting in their seminars, I will say that they've got my mind weighing things again, and doing so without freezing into anxiety-ridden paralysis - I got that out of the way earlier this year, so in a sense this is good timing for the exercise. I've got too much to do and too many dreams in life to dwell in logic-loops any more, so decisions will be made and Things Will Get Done this summer... I'm tired of treading water in my life.
