The word of the week is pernicious.
March 25 - Job Satisfaction
Work's been going very well, I have to say. It has its
moments, but in general I've been enjoying it more than any of my previous jobs,
which is saying a lot.
One benefit of their training system is that you can do a
lot of it online and from home. So that's what I did for two full days this week: I
logged in and worked my way through a lot of training modules, getting paid to
do so which was really refreshing. Sure, a lot of the material was just common sense,
but quickly learning the procedures of the company is the best way to avoid
stress when it's busiest on-shift.
I should be moving into the technology sales side of things
within a few weeks, if all goes well, which it should given the feedback I've
been receiving so far. I think that everyone there is glad that I don't need a
lot of handholding due to my previous experience with Office Depot and that I'm
flexible enough to work all areas of the store under my own supervision for the
most part. I think that's been the most surprising part of the job: I know what
I'm doing and it shows, as I'm not being micromanaged while I use my best
judgment to get things done.
I'm pretty good at that.
March 26 - Relationships are like ships
One thing I've never had is a solid relationship.
While disappointing, what that means to me is that I've not
yet found the right person… or I haven't been ready for that kind of
relationship. Heavy stuff, that sort of thinking.
I'm not the sort of individual who defines myself by the
attachment to or from the validation of another person; I'm pretty self-contained
and that served me well over the years.
Yet at a certain point in life, one can't help but wonder
about how appealing you are to others in relationship terms. Validation often
rears its ugly head at this point, whispering vicious things into the ears of
your subconscious about how perhaps all the things you think are great about
yourself really don't matter much when it comes to relationships.
For me, I've often wondered why so few people have taken an
interest in me over the years and why none of the people I've shown interest in
have returned it. That's a rabbit hole you can disappear down into very easily
and I've held back from that sort of speculation, knowing that I can do better
than ruminate on what-if's; relationships are slippery slope if you're walking
it alone. Being the person I am, I know that I'm a solid sort, that I was
raised right and that I have a lot to offer to the right person.
When, not if, that happens, the whole different world should
open up to me. Until then, I have to make the world I'm in the best I can while
staying myself; one thing I do know is that I won't change myself for someone
else just to try to be more appealing. It's tempting, but if you go down that
road, then how do you know that they were interested in the real you in the
first place?
Like I said: I'll stay out of the rabbit hole and walk my
own path, wherever that leads. Maybe it will lead here, a bond that few could argue the strength of:
March 27 - Space Dreams
From the time I was just a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut.
But it wasn't meant to be; mathematics is a big part of
becoming one of the few who can fly in space and I never got along with
numbers. Words are much better friends to me and while I regret someone not
being able to go into space, I can create all the worlds I need in my
imagination.
Being an astronaut is still cool, though. Earlier in January 2013, Chris
Hadfield has become quite the media darling for his tweets from space that have
included a conversation with William Shatner: one space commander to another,
so to speak.
Today, Commander Hadfield had another conversation with a woman in Niagara-on-the-Lake, a small town near my own hometown
back in Ontario. He called to speak to her during her birthday party, held at
her request to celebrate her life while she battles cancer. Elizabeth Peters chatted
with Cmdr. Hadfield for a while about various things and in doing so showed
just how incredible our world is that someone orbiting our planet was able to
take the time to connect with another Canadian. For that reason alone I'll
always be an astronaut at heart.
March 28 - SQL ?
Last week, one of the members of my writing group told me
about a job. A good example of networking, almost literally!
He seems to think that I have the right qualities to work at
his company as a program tester, as long as I can get my head around the basics
of the database programming language they use: SQL.
It's not a piece of cake, I have to say. I'm not a programmer; see my entry above
about how well I get along with numbers. However, it's a better paying job than the one I'm in at
Staples and while all the job's details aren't clear to me quite yet, I can always use more money coming in each month.
So this weekend I've cuddled up to a copy of SQL For Dummies to try to
understand the basics of what the SQL language is all about. It's been rather difficult and I'll definitely need the rest of the week to get through the book
before I even attempt my first shots at using what I've learned. My friend was
thoughtful enough to provide me with a basic FAQ / questionnaire about SQL containing
samples of the kinds of questions I'd have to be answering on a daily basis.
I
have to admit I'm a little intimidated, but the chance to almost double my rate
of pay has allowed me to cudgel my brain into accepting that learning SQL is
worth the headache-inducing reading that I've done so far.
Wish me luck.
March 29 - Had a bad day
Today was a bad day for me.
There's still been a lot of stress bearing down on me, even
though my landing a job has made it less of a mountain and more of a very large
hill.
My mind tends to want solutions and won't stop until it
finds them, no matter what the situation or problem. I've been staggering along
for so long carrying so much on my
shoulders that on days like today, I can't see when it will stop and I can just
get going again.
The lovely long weekend weather today helped to break my
doldrums, as I made a point of sitting outside for a few hours on the patio at
Moka House to soak up the sun. The bleak future of the next five years seemed
less so once I kept repeating positive mantras to myself, while reminding my
brain that I've come a long way in the last 20 years in many areas and that I
have a lot to be thankful for.
Sure, I could list half a hundred things that I've liked to
have had turned out differently, but that's nonproductive. Sitting there in the
sun, I breathed in the fresh air and told myself that I was luckier than most
to be where I was and who I was today. Success isn't measured solely in money
or in comparing yourself to others; success is when you can look yourself in
the eye and give yourself a nod of respect for what you've accomplished.
I did that when I got home today and it felt good. Soon
enough, it will feel great.
March 30 - Moving Day Exemption
My parents moved into their new place today over in Cadboro
Bay and for the first time ever, I was exempt from helping with the family move.
I have still been feeling the effects of my brief flirtation
with running from two weeks past. My knee joints still ache and my right knee
has been particularly painful, especially on the top of the kneecap. I've been
using some medicated gel my doctor prescribed for me and while it has helped, I
have only seen improvement in that it no longer hurts just to walk down the
street; anymore running is still dependent on if the pain goes away soon and if
I can find out why it began in the first place.
All that meant was that today I would have been of little
use in carrying her moving things, despite having regained general use of my
arms as my tendinitis has regressed, thankfully. It's ironic that it was a year
ago this month that I injured my arms and now a year later my knees are giving
me trouble. Other people can play video games and run along the sidewalk just fine; why can't I? Maybe I should just be a Viking, they're tough:
In any case, the new place my parents found is lovely: it's
a large condo with plenty of room for them and all their stuff, located in a
quiet building with quiet neighbors and not too far from Victoria. They even
have a very spacious den into which I'll be moving most of my book collection
for safekeeping, as I really don't have the room here and quite honestly I
haven't been reading much in the last year. Being able to store my books along
with a few other things somewhere that's not subject to damp or other dangers
to paper is a big relief to me. I'm glad that they found such a nice place, as
it's exactly the sort of condo that I've
been working so hard these past years to get them into so they can enjoy their
retirement years… and so I can look to my own needs, as I've said before.
Plus, I can use the occasional visit as an excuse to 'rediscover'
my books. How nice is that?
March 31 - Mental Games
Switching mental gears here, I'm not going to talk about
Game Of Thrones.
Sure, I could: today's the premiere of the third season of
the show and I happen to be really into it. But seeing as I have yet to finish
watching the second season with my sister, you'll forgive me if I don't want to
talk about it - at least not yet.
Instead, I'll mention a bit about The Mentalist.
For those of you haven't seen the show, it's a crime drama
with the neat twist similar to my other fave crime drama: Castle. In The
Mentalist, the 'outsider' member of the team is a man named Jane( shades of
Firefly, anyone? )with unique abilities enabling him to see connections and
read people like nobody else. He doesn't claim to have any sort of supernatural
or actual psychic abilities but his powers of observation and insight are
incredible, which I find appealing. I also really enjoy the fact that he often
wears a smile indicating he knows something that nobody else does and finds it
amusing without being overbearing or aloof. Simon Baker, the actor who plays the
character of Patrick Jane, is perfect for the role and exudes a calm confidence
that lends incredible weight to his believability and convictions in his
insights.
While I haven't seen all that many episodes, my parents have
been ardent watchers of The Mentalist and collected the last three seasons on
DVD. I don't find that I have a lot of TV habits in common with my parents but
I'm pleased to say that they're watching a solid show, right along with their
regular viewing of Castle - who wouldn't want to watch a show where a writer is
the star?
This week's blog was both difficult and easy to write; I
simply turned on the microphone and let my thoughts out onto the page, which
was fulfilling and I put a lot out on the page. Last few months have been a
yo-yo ride in many ways for me, was a lot of what I'm feeling and thinking not
making it onto the blog as it would just be counterproductive and quite
honestly not worth reading. I tend to work things through inside the comfort of
my own head but I'm finding that nowadays I have to talk here and there to
friends or family just to get a sense of balance of where I'm heading, which is
only natural. It's all new territory to me this year, in many ways and this
blog helps me see where I've been so I can walk more steadily towards where you
need to be going.
