The word of the week is solitude.
Oct 7 - Little Progress
I've only been able to work on a few chapters of my book to
date.
It's intensely frustrating to spend so much time and energy
at a day job and not have much left over to do what I really want to: edit my
novel so that I can send it out into the world with my head held high.
I know that I'm capable. I know that the book is in me. I
know that it's going to take a lot more than I've been able to give up to now
in order to make that happen.
The stress of not working versus the stress of working are
two sides of the same coin. Not having an income versus not having any energy
and still not getting ahead makes me just close my eyes and wonder about the
world some days. I can understand why some authors took years or decades to
finish their books, given the circumstances of their lives at the time.
I want to finish my book and get it out into the world.
Whatever that takes, I'll have to find a way to make that happen. I only hope
that I have the energy and willpower to sustain me on that journey of an
unknown length.
One of the reasons I write this blog is to get these feelings out there, to give them voice, so to speak. Sometimes this blog contains a little of my inner monologue, sometimes morseo, but always it's honest and always it strives to inform as to what's going on in my life.
Never to complain; who wants to read that?
Oct 8 - Voices
I'm still working on my voice acting abilities, on the side.
Admittedly, my voice does not have a vast range, though I
haven't explored much of it by practicing at any length. I do some decent
impressions of people and characters, but in the main I haven't practiced much
beyond ones that are fairly easy to imitate.
Some people are very good at this and you can find examples
of great imitations all over the Internet, including YouTube and other more
specific sites dedicated to voice acting in general.
Wired magazine recently published an article entitled Top 10 Most Recognizable Pop-Culture Voices. It has some very recognizable characters
from the last few decades, one of which I am trying to practice with as it's my
Halloween costume this year. Of course, it's a very difficult voice and very
few amateurs would be able to imitate it perfectly, so I'm doing my best.
Oct 9 - What have you read lately?
How many books have you read in your lifetime?
That question arose in my mind this week and I surprised
myself by being unable to answer it right off the bat. Numbers are a tricky
thing to put into place when it comes to quantifying the number books someone
is read in their lifetime, as there are many factors that can be read into that
- pun intended.
Stephen King says that he reads 80 books a year. As the
famous authors turning 66 this year, if we extrapolate 50 years of reading it
works out to 4,000 books, give or take, that he's read in total.
For myself, I believe the number is far higher, as I
devoured books from an early age and only really saw my reading numbers decline
when I got to work on my novel in mid-2012. I probably averaged about two books
a week from when I was 10 years old, sometimes going up to a book every day
when I was really into a series or just had the time. If we put it down at 100
books a year over 30 years, then that works out to only 3,000 books, which again
I think is a very low number considering the amount of knowledge that I know
I've stuffed into my head. I'm not counting magazine articles, textbooks,
articles read on the Internet or from other sources - just novels and full-length
books.
The fact that I own 2,000 books personally and have read
every single one of them, then I have to consider that I've read at least that
many more over my lifetime and I'd peg the number at closer to 8,000 books.
Which still seems conservative to me.
How many have you read?
Oct 10 - Living Under The Line
It's not easy right now for me, but I'm used to that.
I'm speaking about income, which I don't usually do. The
topics been on my mind for months and while I'm not wont to discuss such things
here my blog, I'm learning that it doesn't do a lot of good to keep so much to
myself when it doesn't really matter in the long run.
My current job doesn't pay very well; despite my having near
full-time hours, hourly I'm earning about half of what I was at MMart even
before counting the overtime that was added on to my regular hours. All told,
I'm bringing in a little over a third of what I was earning previously, which
is in no way helping me get ahead in life.
According to a current article about living wages here in Victoria, I should be earning about $18 an hour as part of a couple to be able
to 'get ahead' in life. Yet the article states that the monetary budget doesn't
allow for major things like home ownership or saving for a child's education.
I know that as a single person without a well-paying job I
can't even afford a car, let alone a house. Just for fun a few years ago, I
worked out what I would need to earn on my own in order to have a modest two-bedroom
house, a car and a conservative yet decent lifestyle that includes savings,
travel, entertainment, hobbies etc.. Given that the current 25-year mortgage in
Victoria works out to around $1500.00 per month, any guesses as to what I need
to be earning an hour?
I'll bet you didn't know I worked it out to around $30 an
hour before tax.
You go ahead and think about that. I'm done with it, for a while.
Oct 11 - Happiness
Nobody's looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm smiling these days - except my sister, and I'm so very grateful to have her doing
so. When she's around.
It's all part of being an adult: if you're not in a
relationship, there's nobody to be there every day to get used to your moods
and to be able to tell when they're off. If you're the kind of person who
brings their moods to work, then your coworkers will probably not appreciate
such after a while, as they have their own things to work through everyday.
Being an adult means being happy or sad or angry or any
combination thereof are all YOUR responsibility. Were all in charge of walking
our own road and while some of us are lucky enough to have someone there with
us every step of the journey, others have to take many of those steps alone.
I'm fortunate enough to have many fantastic friends and a
supportive family. Yet I'm still subject to many days where I wonder where I'll
be and what mental state I'll be in while I'm there. I'm cursed with, and
fortunate to have, a mind that's constantly working on many things at once and
I'll tell you that it makes it really hard to focus when there's a lot of
problems to be solved that don't have easy answers.
Then again, who wants easy? Nothing worthwhile in life is
ever easy, to use the old tired phrase. Personally, I'd really like a few
stretches of easy to come around, as all the hard sections I've walked so far
have made me well able to recognize the easy when they come along and I
definitely appreciate them.
I have my good days among the deplorable and the desperate.
Those days that are a wondrous combination of happiness, energy and creativity
have been too few in my estimate in the last few decades. There's always too
many things dragging me down compared to those that bouy me up and I'm so very
tired of trying to see sunshine no matter what.
Maybe I should have moved to Arizona?
Oct 12 - A Year Ago, Again
One year ago today, I finished the second draft of my novel.
I'd spent at least a dozen or more grueling hours every day
for six weeks refining it from the first draft, so that I could submit it
within the deadline for the open submission put out by Harper Collins Canada.
As it turned out, they turned down my submission, but that
was a good thing in hindsight, as I feel the tremendously positive feedback I
received plus the critical review from my critique group meant that I could
make the book so much better still. The fact that I came down with pneumonia
after pushing myself so hard isn't lost on me and I'm being careful to keep
that lesson in mind as I work my day job while creating the third draft in my
free time, such as it is.
I'm as excited as anyone to be able to read the third draft
in its final form. I can feel its general outline in my head as I slowly chip
away at each chapter, making the words and ideas flow together as perfectly as
I can.
I want it to be the best that I can possibly make it.
Oct 13 - Thanks
This week's blog hasn't been a happy one, sorry to say.
Yet it's Thanksgiving, so let's brighten the mood a little.
It's the time of year to be thankful for what we have and, when I think about
it, most everything in my life could be so much different. I have no worries
for my immediate family anymore, just myself, and my friends all seem to be
doing just fine in their own lives.
I was at two Thanksgiving dinners this week, which is two
more than I thought would happen. I had a lovely turkey dinner on Thursday with
my parents and sister at Denny's, with a wonderful waitress and just basking in
the happiness of my family. It was fantastic to just reminisce and not let the
worries of the day intrude but rather spend every moment enjoying each other's
company.
As it should be.
Yesterday night I went along with my sister to a combination
birthday party / Thanksgiving dinner with her group of friends, who were all
very successful people yet all very down to earth. It's enlightening to spend
time in the company of such people, whose lives don't revolve around trying to
get ahead but rather enjoying life on their own terms instead of letting their
paycheques define how they see the world. It was refreshing to simply talk to
people whose interest in the world takes a close measure along what their own
perspectives bring, whose worldviews are shaped by what they choose to surround
themselves with. I had a wonderful time just talking to everyone, who seemed
interested in me just for me, including my aspirations to be an author. From
what I saw, everyone there followed their own dreams and they view of my own
desires to make my words my living as perfectly possible.
There can be no better way to spend a night than in the
company of good dreams.
Every day from here on in until the end of the year is precious for my writing. When I'm not working, I'll be writing or sleeping - that's all I've got planned and whatever else comes up has to take a back seat to that. There's too much else on my mind to focus and I need every erg of energy to put into my book's third draft. That's all.
