The word of the week is patience.
April 22 - Feedback
Tonight's meeting of my novel critique group was especially
useful: they thought the chapters I had written for this week's review were my
weakest so far.
This is a good thing.
I want, I NEED to know when my writing's not up to par and
more importantly, why.
The feedback I received tonight was excellent; the three
other authors that I meet with monthly are wonderful people who are also
extremely attentive to reading one another's work objectively to give critiques
that we can use to make our work better - that's what it's all about.
Of my two submitted chapters, the first was unanimously thought to be the
weaker, as I had tried to cram too much exposition/ background into the chapter
without actually having anything happen. While this was great from my
perspective, it left my fellow critique readers in the cold and they quite
rightly pointed out as a flaw, with the writing not being up to my usual
standards. Which was also a complement, as they know I can do better and want
me to know that fact as well.
Honest feedback is a rare thing, to be treasured above all
else as an author and in life as well, as true friends will tell you what you
need to hear, not what you want to hear. The feedback I've received so far from
these writer friends has been invaluable, as it has allowed me to make my novel
so much better than even I thought it could be. Right now I just need the time AND
energy to sit down on a regular basis and re-edit my book from the start, not
just pecking away at it piecemeal with the chapter here and there every month.
I don't want to spend another two years writing my novel when I could be
sending the incredibly good / completed third draft around to agents instead.
I think what I'd like the most would be to have several agents
fighting over my novel(s), where I have to pick and choose among offers while
continuing to write ever more often each day.
April 23 - Journeying
It's a hard thing, to fall and see the long ladder still
ahead of you.
Today I had a lot on my mind regarding jobs, careers and
success. I've previously mentioned how I've enjoyed the lack of stressful
responsibility at my current job at Staples, but at the same time I know that
I'm capable of much more and today I felt like I was treading water more than I
have in a while.
Ambition is a good thing, at least in that it drives us to
achieve and not to settle for mediocrity. For me, personal success in
protecting my family has come at the cost of career success, at least in terms
of being able to build on my previous work experience to transition to a new
field while maintaining my income around the same general level. I've definitely
fallen far from my previous earnings level, though again those earnings
wouldn't have done me much good if I was crippled or dead from stress.
No, I realize that change is difficult and right now my life
is in transition, being pulled in many directions at once as the choices dangle
themselves tantalizingly in front of me, daring me to leap forward. Today I had
many thoughts on my mind regarding direction and focus, especially regarding my
novel. The fact that I HAVE a day job should be enough to allow me to work on
other things that are important to me, instead of dwelling on the fact that I'm
no longer a manager in a position where others look to me for direction. I have
to transition to a frame of mind where others look to me in respect for my
knowledge, experience and ability to perform my job at an exceptional level
irregardless of what I'm being paid or who my technical boss is on
organizational chart that I'll never see.
I'll let you know little secret: I despise having a boss. My
goal is to work for myself, to be responsible for my own success and to make my
living as I see fit on my own merits, without wearing a name tag or having to wonder
if I'm living up to somebody else's standards. My own standards are high enough
that I know I can succeed in whatever I determine to do. I've been given the
time, ironically enough, with a job that's only part time, leaving me three or
four days a week to do with as I will - my success or lack thereof is thus
entirely in my own hands, dependent on how much energy and time I can devote to
each of the projects that I focus on this year.
That, and a little luck, is all I need.
April 24 - Nutrition
For the last few weeks, I've been trying to increase my
nutritional intake.
Eating three basic meals a day just isn't cutting it for me;
some days I'm just plain tuckered out after working and I can't stand the lack
of energy to do all the other things that I need to get done.
So now I'm eating a larger breakfast, which at least once a
week will be high in protein to include things like bacon, eggs and such things
other than plain old cereal. Mixing it up is also just good for breaking the
routine that tends to set in when you're busy.
Lunch tends to be sandwiches for me, as there are easy to
make and take to work. The occasional busy day also works with a nutritional
shake, which I tend to add something else to like a bun( pretzel buns!!! )as the
shakes don't seem to be all that filling by themselves though they are
excellent in terms of overall nutrition. Plus, it's easier to down a shake than
a sandwich on a short break.
Dinner has been a real mixed bag for me lately, with very
few days where my sister schedule and mine coinciding so that we can plan a meal. It's been a little
frustrating, as I've been trying to enhance my cooking skills and just making salad
doesn't really do anything for those. Even one night a week would be great, especially
as I don't seem to be getting more than three shifts a week at work, leaving
time for other things such as planning meals. We can't keep a lot of food
on-hand due to our budget restrictions, but the meals we have in mind aren't
all that expensive and are certainly less costly than picking up dinners here
and there even on the cheap locally.
Snacks: they just don't happen any more. I don't have chips, cookies or other 'filler foods' sitting in the cupboard any more at home. I'll have the occasional treat here and there of a month, but I definitely have broken myself of the 'check cupboard every few hours' habit.
Soon enough I hope to be feeling more energetic from eating
better, exercising more and getting more sunshine due to the longer days that
are here at last. I am looking better overall and hope to have that reflected
on the inside as well ASAP.
April 25 - Guilty Pleasures
I picked up a guilty habit when I was working on midnights
earlier this year: the TV show Wipeout.
The break room has cable TV( ironic, as I don't at home )and since we always took breaks
around the same time each night, we would tend to watch the same shows. One
of these was Wipeout nd initially I was intrigued, as one of its hosts is Jill
Wagner, who has also starred on Stargate: Atlantis in a few episodes as a kickass
female heroine.
Which is funny, as on Wipeout the contestants are the ones getting
their asses kicked and I can't stop watching for some reason. I'm not the sort
of person who enjoys people getting hurt and I do realize that the show takes
heavy safety measures to ensure nobody is injured, but it has to be hard on
people when they get knocked around as much as they do on Wipeout.
I think the thing that I like the most about the show is
that they constantly mixed up and change the courses that people have to run so
it's never the same. Sure they keep a few standbys that almost nobody can get
past but generally there's always something new each episode to keep it fresh, in
addition to mixing up the types of contestants and having teams sometimes as
well. The fact that there is a $50,000 prize waiting at the end for someone
each time also appeals to me, as I'm sure it does to the audience in general as
well: anyone can apply to give their best at trying to run the gauntlet and
claim the cash. It could be you, me or anyone up there, which I think is why I
like watching Wipeout whenever I catch it on TV on one of the limited channels that
I get right now. It's just plain fun.
April 26 - Getting Out, Less
For the next little while, I won't be going out much in
order to save funds for my trip to Arizona.
Yet it's not like I've been spending money out on a regular
basis, either.
Over the years, I've become quite the frugal consumer,
finding the least – expensive ways of entertaining myself and generally
enjoying my time off without overspending. As some of you have seen on FBook, I
can spend a few hours down at Moka House for only a couple of dollars, the
price of a pot of tea in the sunshine. Meals out are usually with a coupon and
at most happen once a week; twice a month is the average for going out to eat -
the occasional Subway sub or Tim Horton's breakfast biscuit notwithstanding.
The reason I mention this is because of my thoughts lately
on disposable income relating to one's age. Twenty years ago, I was a student and already
finding ways to take my budget stretch as much as possible. I noticed many of
my peers and fellow students spent a LOT more money than I did on entertainment
and other things that I thought were frivolous, likely because my personal
situation at the time was not the greatest due to my family's financial
problems. The habit has stuck with me all this time, always looking for sales
and the best way to make my money stretch, including just not spending it,
period.
Soon enough I hope to get to the point where I can simply
say 'I think I just like to go out for lunch / dinner tonight' and not feel a
twinge of guilt( or worse ) when I do it more often then once or twice a month.
Taking frugality to its extreme is not something I want to do; I'm not
poverty-stricken by a long shot but at the same time I certainly don't have
funds burning holes in my pockets right now. As always, I have to find a happy
medium that satisfies my needs with my wants.
April 27 - No More SQL
After weeks of trying, I've had to admit defeat.
It's a rare thing for me, not being able to succeed is
something I put my mind to, but at the same time it's also a lesson in that I
can't succeeded absolutely everything just because I want to. By that, I mean
that while I'm good at quite a few things, I recognize that my strengths are in
some areas and not others, like music or math or athletic physical activities… it's
who and what I am.
That said, I've had to set aside the potentially lucrative job
that's dangling before me for a few months now as a quality assurance
tester at my friend's company. My application would be dependent on being able
to perform basic SQL functions and despite my studying and application of my
disciplined willpower, SQL just hasn't sunk into the point where I can get
anything useful done without a manual sitting right next to me every step of
the way. I understand that some things take time, but in this case despite
applying myself, I can't picture any form of SQL code any useful manner without
extreme effort and a reference of some kind. This just won't cut it when it
comes to performing a job that someone's going to pay me for, even if that
position involves a fair bit of on-the-job training; I can't avoid the
responsibilities while still collecting a paycheck as that's not who what I am.
So I'll keep working at my part-time basic-pay day job for
now and my ear to the ground for any more opportunities that might arise, while
being grateful for the one that I was offered yet can't fulfill.
April 28 - Off Daze
I thought I'd use this space to mention a few things about my
family and other people in my life, how they're doing instead of just focusing
on me, as I noticed that this blog occasionally does. :-)
My sister is really enjoying her job as an executive
assistant, as it's challenging and makes use of many of her diverse skills.
She's really looking forward to the rest of the year continuing to do what
she's doing, as it makes her happy as well is paying fairly well even
initially.
My parents had just moved into their new place this month,
which has all the space they need as well as most every amenity they could have
wished for on top of being mere steps away from the beach and an incredible water view the to the east. Knowing that they are
sailing under their own power financially as well as being settled in a place
that they'll reside in for many years is a great relief to me in many ways.
My friends all seem to be doing very well in their own
lives, getting on with living and making a living in equal measure. Most
everyone seems happy with how things are going, though I admit that seeing
one's life through the subjective lens of FBook is nowhere near the same as
spending quality time face-to-face with people you care about. It was a hard
decision, choosing between going to Arizona or Niagara early this year, but I
hope to still be able to visit all my friends in Ontario before the end of
2013, somehow. I'd love to be able to simply do both, but right now that's not
in the budgetary cards though it's not to say that things can't change - you never
know what the universe might decide to toss your way so you'd better put a
little catching practice in when you can.
As for me today, I caught a headache and spent most of my
day getting rid of it. I did have three days off back-to-back this week, a good
portion of which were spent trying to rid my computer of its own version of the
headache: for some reason, every web browser I have keeps crashing and while
I've managed to eliminate the possibility of malicious software, I still
haven't managed to get them working to the point where they won't crash a few
times a day and necessitate a reboot. So it goes; it's the little problems that
sometimes add up to more than a little time being spent trying to solve what
should be simple. I'm someone who doesn't sweat the big things but the little
things tend to drive me a little buggy some days, especially when those bugs
are hard to squash and not all that obvious.
However, whacking my PC with a shoe just isn't in my tech support
vocabulary, so I think I'll sleep on it.
This week, I managed to tweak my wrists a little at work, so I've been taking it easy at home: very little typing and no game-playing to speak of, at all. It's frustrating to know that one wrong move and my wrists will sing for days, especially when other people can do the same thing all day long without noticing a thing - but that's my lot to deal with, as I will. I have to focus on what I CAN do, not what I can't... and be grateful for the chance to do.
