The word of the week is unrequited...
Dec 12 - The Truth Is Out!!!
Yes, today was the day: I told my work I was leaving. Not a 2-Week Notice, but a heads-up that I won't be here by the end of January 2012, a month away. Some people have said this is more notice than they deserve( like a month's worth! )but it's meant to give them time to shuffle the deck and look for someone to step into my role - not to replace me, since that's impossible. There's no chance of reconciliation, of a better pay scale, of kissing and making up: I'm gone, cutting ties as gracefully as I can despite my primitive urge to let loose the Nasty Beast inside me that's suffered for so long. I'm better than that.
But I didn't feel elated, in the end. After spending an hour with my DM at a Timmy's having a respectful talk, I felt like a solider stepping off the boat to find nobody waiting for him, just a long walk towards a home he's been so long away from that he doesn't quite remember the way. It's not relief, it's a level of numbness that will take a long while to heal with proper rest for the body and soul. That is also what I expected, just another step along the harder path, for which I started preparing myself for quite young - check out the pillow:
Dec 13 - Stocking Up
This week I've visited GoG.com and purchased a fair number of inexpensive older games for an average of $2.99 per game - amazing deals, those. Old games like the Baldur's Gate series, Starflight and Wing Commander III are all on my 'install later' list for 2012 now. I'm stocking up on games to keep me amused in the new year, though to be honest I'm a bit of a gamer dilettante: I play old game for amusement and nostalgia, not to finish them. There's something about leaving some parts of a game for 'next time' that means I'll never truly be finished with them that appeals to me. Finishing a game and never, ever playing it again makes me sad on some primal level, I think; that's why I almost never do it.
Or I'm just lazy and easily distracted. Could be that too.
Dec 14 - Mah Head Hurts, Pa ...
As a day off, today was mostly a wash; I spent a good part of the day trying to rid myself of a bad headache, ALMOST a migraine but I caught it in time in the early AM. I'm lucky in that I can recognize the early signs now after having had them for most of my life; I credit it to too much intelligence crammed into an already oversized head. Or barometric pressure, which seems the more plausible answer if one sticks to the available data. It's no fun having headaches for no good reason, as it really bites into what you can do in a day; watching TV is out( too bright )as is listening to music. I can read sometimes, if the light isn't too close to the page, but in general a bad headache day means I just write it off and get what I can do in between naps and headache tablets. As I've said before, I've gone from one a week in ON to one every other month or so in BC, so that's a huge improvement. If I could go to one migraine every 6 months, I'd be ecstatic - though I wouldn't cheer too loudly about it, just in case.
Dec 15 - A boy and his tiger
Some of you may not know the name Bill Watterson. If so, then you need to immediately stop reading this and pick up a copy, ANY copy, of a Calvin & Hobbes comic, in whatever form you so choose.
Millions of people loved( and still love )the quirky comic strip that Bill created, that told the travails of a little brat named Calvin and his tiger buddy Hobbes. It was over 15 years ago that Bill stopped writing Calvin &; Hobbes, to the despair of said millions, but in a very rare interview he's said he has no regrets stopping when he did, at the height of the comic's popularity. It's a testament to how beloved the strip was that so many people still treasure it, in many ways:
Dec 16 - 30 Things
Lists: there's a TON of lists out there on the internet, literally millions of things ordered about any topic under the sun. Most are somewhat trivial, but a good many are quite useful, like 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself. Once you get your mind out of the gutter regarding the title, this particular list makes a lot of sense; after reading it, I could personally identify with most of the things it talks about, especially regarding my own needs which I've put aside for so very, very long. Too long. 2012 is going to be my 'Year of Renewal' - on many levels. Personal, social, financial, workplace too - all of those and more will see shifts in the new year. Some slow, some fast, but all of them changing to orient themselves towards my own personal compass and not those of others - I want to see where the new direction takes me.
Dec 17 - Happy Not-Shopping!!
It's a week until Christmas Eve and I'm feeling very mellow about the whole holiday buzz. Mainly because I've stepped aside from it this year, for various reasons - my family's gone low-key, to keep costs down and also because we really want to avoid buying things, instead of just spending time with each other. I'm so VERY happy NOT to have had to push through consumer-bound crowds at the malls or wait in long lines to purchase expensive proof of how much I care about people - I'm past that. The occasional gift each year to come will be ones bought with great forethought, or even better yet created by my own hands( meaning the less crafty, the better ). One thing we've learned as a family is that Stuff Accumulates and Sentiment is fleeting; that Amazing Gift you got ten years ago is now most likely broken, obsolete or lost in a box somewhere. But the memories remain, along with the pictures. Right?
Dec 18 - Virtual Party Time!!
After a busy workday, I was looking forward to getting home and just relaxing, as tonight was a party, of sorts: some friends and I gathered in NWN to celebrate Christmas with each other. There were(virtual )gifts given and rounds of trivia played. Songs were sung and silliness was spread along with good cheer and friendly banter. There were similar gatherings in other online places in past years, but as always things change and people move on. Tonight, I spent a good few hours with friends I've made recently online and thought of those who no longer come round the virtual door any more. I hope they are doing well in their lives, and that they occasionally think about the friends they spent time with back then, as we are all wont to do. Remember the good times, and forget about the bad. Easier to do online, in some ways, though as I mentioned above: there will always be the pictures:
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| Santa brought her a pony for Christmas! Yay! |
Have a Very Merry Christmas next weekend, everyone!!!
