The word of the week is recognition.
Nov 21 - Plans formulating...
Escape is at hand. I have a plan to leave my job ASAP and I am working on the details right now. As I don't YET have a new job lined up, I have to plan for the possibility that it may be months until I find a decent one, even a job that will tide me over until I find something MUCH better.
But the wheels are in motion; I've scaled back everything that I am doing at work to 'not really caring' mode, where the necessities are done but things that pertain to revenue, performance or 'DM wants it done' can kiss my ass.
I'm finished with that place; from several conversations with friends of friends, I should be expecting a LOT more pay for a LOT less stress as a manager with my experience. So I have a LOT to look forward to wherever I go, not the least of which being respect for my skills and my efforts.
Not too much to ask, is it?
Nov 22 - Picture In Picture returns!
The new TV's been excellent, nice and big and bright; combined with the sound bar it's been a great experience. There is some minor clouding that can be seen when the picture changes to a dark screen, but since I had it calibrated last week, it's hardly noticeable any more - the colours are perfect and true.
One feature I love is the Picture in Picture - FINALLY I have a TV again that has this function I've missed so much! I multitask a lot, so having a small( or large )picture of a TV show or DVD I like running while I write, surf or do other things is just amazing... I don't know why more TV's don't include this feature, as it's not terribly expensive to add compared to things like 3D or other 'premium' TV features. Love it!
Nov 23 - Power on!
Aha! At last, a TV series that hasn't been available on DVD for decades is finally coming out AND in high-quality Blu-Ray to boot! The terribly-named Captain Power and the Soldiers Of the Future was a sci-fi live-action kid's show set in a post-apocalyptic future where machines ruled the world... see why I liked it? I later found out that the show was written by J. Michael Straczynski, who would end up writing and producing my all-time fave show Babylon 5... but I liked this show a lot even before I found out who JMS was!
Nov 24 - Nature Abhors a Vacuum
I have too many paper books, but I can't bring myself to get rid of too many of them. Many are out of print and others are favourites that have been with me for many years, some of them all my life. With eBooks however, the problem of lack of storage space evaporates; I've got a few dozen eBooks on my ASUS tablet and that takes up hardly any space at all!
One of the eBooks I've really enjoyed( and yet to finish )is Nature Abhors a Vacuum, written by first-time author Stephen L. Nowland. It's a great read, with memorable characters, interesting settings and a decent plot. I like it as well because it ties into the NWN game, which the author mentions he's played for years and helped shape the book. There are numerous parallels between his situation and my own, so I've really been reading on several levels to see how he managed to pull off such a great book right out of the gate. Taking notes, seeing the mistakes and learning is all part of the fun!
Nov 25 - Corporations ARE evil...
It's been over 3 weeks since my visit to the ER for chest pains and they have yet to return, so I think I'm in the clear. According to the doctor, they were likely triggered by stress and anxiety, which I've had in spades for a long, long time and intensely for the last few months. Only a handful of people have asked how I've been feeling lately, which again continues to irk me, but that's human nature at work: if you're still breathing, people will ignore you.
Fortunately, the intense stress is winding down now that I've handed off one branch earlier in the month and I'll be passing off the second one Monday. That leaves me with one branch to run... which I won't be doing much longer if I have anything to say about it. The company's asinine policies and desire to work their employees to death for as little pay possible mean that I have no desire to work for them ever again, for any level of pay, in any capacity.
Reading up on resignation letters has been educational; some of the comments about workplace horrors made my hair stand up, to hear what people were 'expected' to do as part of their jobs... AND THAT THE COMPANY POLICIES ENFORCED. People doing the work of three employees and the company EXPECTED them to fail and burn out within a year? Insane... read some of the comments here and educate yourself on corporate evil - THIS ONE really says it all about why to quit before you go nuts.
Nov 26 - Family
I have to say something here about family support, as it's critical to my frame of mind for the last decade or so. My dad's not been working much in the last month or so, given that he's had to be available to get my mom to the hospital and be with her while she's there; also, work's been slow for the airporter he drives and loves so much. Yet both my parents have been 100% behind my leaving MMart ASAP, even moreso these last few months as they've seen how drained of energy and stressed out I've been. They're willing to support me for as long as it takes to get me on my feet again, as I've supported them for years now to ensure they make it to their retirement alive and properly set up financially. As a family, we've always been there for each other, my sister as well - it's this kind of unconditional mutual support, on many levels, that has kept me going when I thought I would fail.
I don't like failing, but I learn from my mistakes and never repeat them. Ever.
Nothing wrong with that; it lets you look to the future and not dwell long on the errors of the past. Right now, my family's there to help me towards my future, even as I let go of the need to support them - that's in the past now.
Nov 27 - Early Not-A-Day-Off-After-All
I woke at 6am today, with my thoughts whirling; I had to finally put a lot of them onto paper, all about why I was going to leave work. It took an hour, but I had several pages of points to wave at my DM when I figure out the exact time to tell him. Probably this week, as soon as I work out how to leave properly - all part of my plan to not screw myself over much when I go.
We'll skip how I worked AGAIN on my day off today, save that it was to cover a CSR who went to the hospital last night; she's stellar, so I went in today and got nothing done as it was stupidly busy the entire time. The usual.
When I was home late in the evening, I watched The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe on TV. I absolutely loved CS Lewis' classics from this series as a child, as it spurred my imagination and really got me into the fantasy genre. Seeing this excellent film adaptation brought back memories of my childhood, when I devoured books like CS Lewis' works and begged for more; my imagination got quite a workout and has stayed active to this day. Despite the stress and mental overload, there's still a BIG corner of my brain where all the creatures of my childhood wait to visit in my dreams, to carry me places I've never been on adventures I've yet to have. They wait patiently and with love, for the time when reality can take a rest and my mind can wander with them again.
Soon.
Soon.
Thanks to J for his very timely call and good advice this week; again I realize how blessed I am to have friends who care enough to call when they see I'm down and need a little lift. You have to pay attention and look outside your own box once in a while to see if other people need a little light added in...
