Time, Turmoil and Thanksgiving

The word of the week is solitude.

Oct 7 - Little Progress

I've only been able to work on a few chapters of my book to date.

It's intensely frustrating to spend so much time and energy at a day job and not have much left over to do what I really want to: edit my novel so that I can send it out into the world with my head held high.

I know that I'm capable. I know that the book is in me. I know that it's going to take a lot more than I've been able to give up to now in order to make that happen.

The stress of not working versus the stress of working are two sides of the same coin. Not having an income versus not having any energy and still not getting ahead makes me just close my eyes and wonder about the world some days. I can understand why some authors took years or decades to finish their books, given the circumstances of their lives at the time.

I want to finish my book and get it out into the world. Whatever that takes, I'll have to find a way to make that happen. I only hope that I have the energy and willpower to sustain me on that journey of an unknown length.

One of the reasons I write this blog is to get these feelings out there, to give them voice, so to speak. Sometimes this blog contains a little of my inner monologue, sometimes morseo, but always it's honest and always it strives to inform as to what's going on in my life.

Never to complain; who wants to read that?

Oct 8 - Voices

I'm still working on my voice acting abilities, on the side.

Admittedly, my voice does not have a vast range, though I haven't explored much of it by practicing at any length. I do some decent impressions of people and characters, but in the main I haven't practiced much beyond ones that are fairly easy to imitate.

Some people are very good at this and you can find examples of great imitations all over the Internet, including YouTube and other more specific sites dedicated to voice acting in general.

Wired magazine recently published an article entitled Top 10 Most Recognizable Pop-Culture Voices. It has some very recognizable characters from the last few decades, one of which I am trying to practice with as it's my Halloween costume this year. Of course, it's a very difficult voice and very few amateurs would be able to imitate it perfectly, so I'm doing my best.

Oct 9 - What have you read lately?

How many books have you read in your lifetime?

That question arose in my mind this week and I surprised myself by being unable to answer it right off the bat. Numbers are a tricky thing to put into place when it comes to quantifying the number books someone is read in their lifetime, as there are many factors that can be read into that - pun intended.

Stephen King says that he reads 80 books a year. As the famous authors turning 66 this year, if we extrapolate 50 years of reading it works out to 4,000 books, give or take, that he's read in total.

For myself, I believe the number is far higher, as I devoured books from an early age and only really saw my reading numbers decline when I got to work on my novel in mid-2012. I probably averaged about two books a week from when I was 10 years old, sometimes going up to a book every day when I was really into a series or just had the time. If we put it down at 100 books a year over 30 years, then that works out to only 3,000 books, which again I think is a very low number considering the amount of knowledge that I know I've stuffed into my head. I'm not counting magazine articles, textbooks, articles read on the Internet or from other sources - just novels and full-length books.

The fact that I own 2,000 books personally and have read every single one of them, then I have to consider that I've read at least that many more over my lifetime and I'd peg the number at closer to 8,000 books. Which still seems conservative to me.

How many have you read?

Oct 10 - Living Under The Line

It's not easy right now for me, but I'm used to that.

I'm speaking about income, which I don't usually do. The topics been on my mind for months and while I'm not wont to discuss such things here my blog, I'm learning that it doesn't do a lot of good to keep so much to myself when it doesn't really matter in the long run.

My current job doesn't pay very well; despite my having near full-time hours, hourly I'm earning about half of what I was at MMart even before counting the overtime that was added on to my regular hours. All told, I'm bringing in a little over a third of what I was earning previously, which is in no way helping me get ahead in life.

According to a current article about living wages here in Victoria, I should be earning about $18 an hour as part of a couple to be able to 'get ahead' in life. Yet the article states that the monetary budget doesn't allow for major things like home ownership or saving for a child's education.

I know that as a single person without a well-paying job I can't even afford a car, let alone a house. Just for fun a few years ago, I worked out what I would need to earn on my own in order to have a modest two-bedroom house, a car and a conservative yet decent lifestyle that includes savings, travel, entertainment, hobbies etc.. Given that the current 25-year mortgage in Victoria works out to around $1500.00 per month, any guesses as to what I need to be earning an hour?

I'll bet you didn't know I worked it out to around $30 an hour before tax.

You go ahead and think about that. I'm done with it, for a while.

Oct 11 - Happiness

Nobody's looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm smiling these days - except my sister, and I'm so very grateful to have her doing so. When she's around.

It's all part of being an adult: if you're not in a relationship, there's nobody to be there every day to get used to your moods and to be able to tell when they're off. If you're the kind of person who brings their moods to work, then your coworkers will probably not appreciate such after a while, as they have their own things to work through everyday.

Being an adult means being happy or sad or angry or any combination thereof are all YOUR responsibility. Were all in charge of walking our own road and while some of us are lucky enough to have someone there with us every step of the journey, others have to take many of those steps alone.

I'm fortunate enough to have many fantastic friends and a supportive family. Yet I'm still subject to many days where I wonder where I'll be and what mental state I'll be in while I'm there. I'm cursed with, and fortunate to have, a mind that's constantly working on many things at once and I'll tell you that it makes it really hard to focus when there's a lot of problems to be solved that don't have easy answers.

Then again, who wants easy? Nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy, to use the old tired phrase. Personally, I'd really like a few stretches of easy to come around, as all the hard sections I've walked so far have made me well able to recognize the easy when they come along and I definitely appreciate them.

I have my good days among the deplorable and the desperate. Those days that are a wondrous combination of happiness, energy and creativity have been too few in my estimate in the last few decades. There's always too many things dragging me down compared to those that bouy me up and I'm so very tired of trying to see sunshine no matter what.

Maybe I should have moved to Arizona?

Oct 12 - A Year Ago, Again

One year ago today, I finished the second draft of my novel.

I'd spent at least a dozen or more grueling hours every day for six weeks refining it from the first draft, so that I could submit it within the deadline for the open submission put out by Harper Collins Canada.

As it turned out, they turned down my submission, but that was a good thing in hindsight, as I feel the tremendously positive feedback I received plus the critical review from my critique group meant that I could make the book so much better still. The fact that I came down with pneumonia after pushing myself so hard isn't lost on me and I'm being careful to keep that lesson in mind as I work my day job while creating the third draft in my free time, such as it is.

I'm as excited as anyone to be able to read the third draft in its final form. I can feel its general outline in my head as I slowly chip away at each chapter, making the words and ideas flow together as perfectly as I can.

I want it to be the best that I can possibly make it.

Oct 13 - Thanks

This week's blog hasn't been a happy one, sorry to say.

Yet it's Thanksgiving, so let's brighten the mood a little. It's the time of year to be thankful for what we have and, when I think about it, most everything in my life could be so much different. I have no worries for my immediate family anymore, just myself, and my friends all seem to be doing just fine in their own lives.

I was at two Thanksgiving dinners this week, which is two more than I thought would happen. I had a lovely turkey dinner on Thursday with my parents and sister at Denny's, with a wonderful waitress and just basking in the happiness of my family. It was fantastic to just reminisce and not let the worries of the day intrude but rather spend every moment enjoying each other's company. 

As it should be.

Yesterday night I went along with my sister to a combination birthday party / Thanksgiving dinner with her group of friends, who were all very successful people yet all very down to earth. It's enlightening to spend time in the company of such people, whose lives don't revolve around trying to get ahead but rather enjoying life on their own terms instead of letting their paycheques define how they see the world. It was refreshing to simply talk to people whose interest in the world takes a close measure along what their own perspectives bring, whose worldviews are shaped by what they choose to surround themselves with. I had a wonderful time just talking to everyone, who seemed interested in me just for me, including my aspirations to be an author. From what I saw, everyone there followed their own dreams and they view of my own desires to make my words my living as perfectly possible.

There can be no better way to spend a night than in the company of good dreams.

Every day from here on in until the end of the year is precious for my writing. When I'm not working, I'll be writing or sleeping - that's all I've got planned and whatever else comes up has to take a back seat to that. There's too much else on my mind to focus and I need every erg of energy to put into my book's third draft. That's all.