Perceptions, Programming and Pollution

The word of the week is renewal.

April 1 - Foolish

Most of today went by in a blur at work.

So it wasn't until the evening that I realized that the entire day had gone by and I hadn't seen hide nor hair of any jokes whatsoever.

Is April Fool's Day dead?

Do you or anybody you know still keep the tradition of the day alive? Does anyone out there even know the origins of April Fools' Day? I do, but I wonder if one of the reasons that people don't seem to care much about keeping it alive, though I have to say that if it means that if you are cruel jokes are played on people then I won't be too sad to see it gone.

What do you think?

April 2 - SQL?

Right now there's a yellow book sitting on my coffee table, glaring at me.

It's a copy of 'SQL For Dummies' and I'm only a little way through it but already I am rather intimidated.

The reason I'm reading this book is because a member of my writing group thinks that I'd be perfect for a position they're looking to hire for. Said position's requirements include logical thinking, the ability to analyze things thoroughly and of course being able to understand SQL - I have two of those three, you see.

I'm not a programmer, I'm a writer and there's a world of difference between the two. I could barely make Telly Turtle make a pattern on the screen back when we were programming the ancient UNIX machines in high school. C++ code is beyond me, but I do have hope that I'll be able to get my brain around SQL as it's an English-based language designed to deal with databases. At this point, that's all I really know and I've been struggling to get my head around the simple terminology that the book starts out with - but I like a challenge and this one comes with the reward of a steady, well-paying job.

Talk to me again in a few weeks and will see where I'm at with SQL.

April 3 - Renewal

The last three days have been very bad ones for me.

A lot of things came to a head this past weekend with family and personal matters, so much so that it all overwhelmed me. Normally I have the ability to deal with major issues but these past few days left me feeling almost literally stunned: it felt like I had a 5-foot distance from everything around me and I was walking in a bubble. When I went out to shop today, I distinctly recall getting an odd look from the cashier as she gave me back my change and wished me a good day; she looked uncertain as to whether she should or not and uncertain as to what I would say. Given the 'bubble effect' that I was experiencing, I still plainly recall wishing her a nice day as well and heading home, wondering what expression was on my face that was different from what I thought was there - that's an odd feeling, too.

But tonight my ship rebalanced myself, taking me back from the edge of capsizing, thanks in part to my sister and in part to my own inner core of confidence, self and sheer stubborn willpower. The little voice inside my head that chuckles at the notion that things will improve spoke up after being absent for the last little while and I listened with a careful ear once again.

Progress.

April 4 - Firefox and Me

Firefox used to be my friend, but we've parted ways this year.

Sure, that sounds strange, but I've been using Firefox for a decade now and it's been my go-to browser of choice for its flexibility and cutting-edge features.

Unfortunately, sometimes I cutting-edge can cause you some grief and that seems to be what's happened yet again with Firefox on my system. It continues to crash consistently every time I run it for more than 5 minutes, sometimes even mere seconds after I start it.

Why is this important? Well, I used to look things up during the week and leave their tabs open for me to refer back to when I was writing my blog. Not anymore, thanks to the crashes. Now I leave a note here and there about what I might want to cover in the blog and don't refer to the things I found via the web using Firefox. Sure, it's a little disappointing but that's why have more than one browser installed on my computer: to be flexible just in case things like this happen.

Eventually I'll manage to figure out what's wrong with Firefox but for now it slumbers on my system. I already miss it but there's not much I can do until I work out what's the matter.

April 5 - Light Pollution

I'm not an astronomer, but I do like the night sky - full of stars, mind you.

Most nights, I can't see any but the brightest stars in the sky above; living in urban areas for most of my life has meant that it's been very rare that I've seen the sky as it is in full dark.

The sad thing is, most people in North America, Europe and other industrial areas of the world see the same thing: sky obscured by light pollution.

For most people, this is such a small issue compared to so many of the things we have to worry about that it usually doesn't make it onto their radar. That's a shame, as there's more than a few good reasons to ensure that we aren't wasting things these days, including outdoor lighting.

There's an organization in the UK that sprung up to try and raise awareness about light pollution across the world: Need-Less.Org.UK is their site. It's worth noting that they have a simple message and start out by saying that it's quite true that few people really give thought to the issue, which is refreshing.

As for me, I just want to be able to take up astronomy without having to travel for hours to get away from urban areas; I think that's why I never really seriously pursued stargazing, which is a shame.

April 6 - A Real Tricorder?

I thought I had already posted about this years ago; apparently not!

Ever since Star Trek hit the airwaves back in the 1960s, the word 'tricorder' has been with us. It's been the dream of many to make a real tricorder and we've seen quite a few things that Star Trek first proposed on television come to pass in reality( see How William Shatner Changed The World ).

Yet a working tricorder has eluded being created, until Peter Jansen decided to tackle it.

He recently had a great interview over at Tested.com, where he talks about the FOUR tricorders he's built in the last few years, Mark I through Mark IV. These are all cutting-edge, high-tech devices that replicate most of the functions of the tricorder we all know from television, even down to the visuals and sounds. Check out the video below and be amazed at how one man has made fiction into reality:

April 7 - What hours?

It was a short shift today at work, which was nice as it was very busy.

Right now I seem to be in flux when it comes to schedules, as shown by this week having me on for a total of 13 hours split among three days - kind of lucky, eh? A catch-as-can attitude seems to be the prevailing one when it comes to designing the schedule and that means that I have to keep my days open in case they want to call me in to work. As it stands right now, I've been told I'm working tomorrow and will likely have to keep checking each day to see if they want me to come in again on the following one. Seeing as I have over a month to go until my 90-day probationary period is over, I'll just have to wing it day to day and week to week until I'm finally fully-trained and able to be scheduled with full-time hours. 

I have to say that I'm really enjoying working with everyone there, including all the managers, and that the overall attitude of the location is very positive. The sheer busyness of each day means that there's not very much time at all for one to socialize with one's coworkers; a few minutes a day seems to be the norm to catch up on how other people are doing.

I'm tired... this week took a LOT out of me, between my mental and physical states. I'm hoping that this coming week will let me have a more balanced experience, where I can get things DONE instead of having to deal with other... stuff.

Ships, Space and SQL

The word of the week is pernicious.

March 25 - Job Satisfaction

Work's been going very well, I have to say. It has its moments, but in general I've been enjoying it more than any of my previous jobs, which is saying a lot.

One benefit of their training system is that you can do a lot of it online and from home. So that's what I did for two full days this week: I logged in and worked my way through a lot of training modules, getting paid to do so which was really refreshing. Sure, a lot of the material was just common sense, but quickly learning the procedures of the company is the best way to avoid stress when it's busiest on-shift.

I should be moving into the technology sales side of things within a few weeks, if all goes well, which it should given the feedback I've been receiving so far. I think that everyone there is glad that I don't need a lot of handholding due to my previous experience with Office Depot and that I'm flexible enough to work all areas of the store under my own supervision for the most part. I think that's been the most surprising part of the job: I know what I'm doing and it shows, as I'm not being micromanaged while I use my best judgment to get things done.

I'm pretty good at that.

March 26 - Relationships are like ships

One thing I've never had is a solid relationship.

While disappointing, what that means to me is that I've not yet found the right person… or I haven't been ready for that kind of relationship. Heavy stuff, that sort of thinking.

I'm not the sort of individual who defines myself by the attachment to or from the validation of another person; I'm pretty self-contained and that served me well over the years.

Yet at a certain point in life, one can't help but wonder about how appealing you are to others in relationship terms. Validation often rears its ugly head at this point, whispering vicious things into the ears of your subconscious about how perhaps all the things you think are great about yourself really don't matter much when it comes to relationships.

For me, I've often wondered why so few people have taken an interest in me over the years and why none of the people I've shown interest in have returned it. That's a rabbit hole you can disappear down into very easily and I've held back from that sort of speculation, knowing that I can do better than ruminate on what-if's; relationships are slippery slope if you're walking it alone. Being the person I am, I know that I'm a solid sort, that I was raised right and that I have a lot to offer to the right person.

When, not if, that happens, the whole different world should open up to me. Until then, I have to make the world I'm in the best I can while staying myself; one thing I do know is that I won't change myself for someone else just to try to be more appealing. It's tempting, but if you go down that road, then how do you know that they were interested in the real you in the first place?

Like I said: I'll stay out of the rabbit hole and walk my own path, wherever that leads. Maybe it will lead here, a bond that few could argue the strength of:

March 27 - Space Dreams

From the time I was just a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut.

But it wasn't meant to be; mathematics is a big part of becoming one of the few who can fly in space and I never got along with numbers. Words are much better friends to me and while I regret someone not being able to go into space, I can create all the worlds I need in my imagination.

Being an astronaut is still cool, though. Earlier in January 2013, Chris Hadfield has become quite the media darling for his tweets from space that have included a conversation with William Shatner: one space commander to another, so to speak.

Today, Commander Hadfield had another conversation with a woman in Niagara-on-the-Lake, a small town near my own hometown back in Ontario. He called to speak to her during her birthday party, held at her request to celebrate her life while she battles cancer. Elizabeth Peters chatted with Cmdr. Hadfield for a while about various things and in doing so showed just how incredible our world is that someone orbiting our planet was able to take the time to connect with another Canadian. For that reason alone I'll always be an astronaut at heart.

March 28 - SQL ?

Last week, one of the members of my writing group told me about a job. A good example of networking, almost literally!

He seems to think that I have the right qualities to work at his company as a program tester, as long as I can get my head around the basics of the database programming language they use: SQL.

It's not a piece of cake, I have to say. I'm not a programmer; see my entry above about how well I get along with numbers. However, it's a better paying job than the one I'm in at Staples and while all the job's details aren't clear to me quite yet, I can always use more money coming in each month. 

So this weekend I've cuddled up to a copy of SQL For Dummies to try to understand the basics of what the SQL language is all about. It's been rather difficult and I'll definitely need the rest of the week to get through the book before I even attempt my first shots at using what I've learned. My friend was thoughtful enough to provide me with a basic FAQ / questionnaire about SQL containing samples of the kinds of questions I'd have to be answering on a daily basis.

I have to admit I'm a little intimidated, but the chance to almost double my rate of pay has allowed me to cudgel my brain into accepting that learning SQL is worth the headache-inducing reading that I've done so far.

Wish me luck.

March 29 - Had a bad day

Today was a bad day for me.

There's still been a lot of stress bearing down on me, even though my landing a job has made it less of a mountain and more of a very large hill.

My mind tends to want solutions and won't stop until it finds them, no matter what the situation or problem. I've been staggering along  for so long carrying so much on my shoulders that on days like today, I can't see when it will stop and I can just get going again.

The lovely long weekend weather today helped to break my doldrums, as I made a point of sitting outside for a few hours on the patio at Moka House to soak up the sun. The bleak future of the next five years seemed less so once I kept repeating positive mantras to myself, while reminding my brain that I've come a long way in the last 20 years in many areas and that I have a lot to be thankful for.

Sure, I could list half a hundred things that I've liked to have had turned out differently, but that's nonproductive. Sitting there in the sun, I breathed in the fresh air and told myself that I was luckier than most to be where I was and who I was today. Success isn't measured solely in money or in comparing yourself to others; success is when you can look yourself in the eye and give yourself a nod of respect for what you've accomplished.

I did that when I got home today and it felt good. Soon enough, it will feel great.

March 30 - Moving Day Exemption

My parents moved into their new place today over in Cadboro Bay and for the first time ever, I was exempt from helping with the family move.

I have still been feeling the effects of my brief flirtation with running from two weeks past. My knee joints still ache and my right knee has been particularly painful, especially on the top of the kneecap. I've been using some medicated gel my doctor prescribed for me and while it has helped, I have only seen improvement in that it no longer hurts just to walk down the street; anymore running is still dependent on if the pain goes away soon and if I can find out why it began in the first place.

All that meant was that today I would have been of little use in carrying her moving things, despite having regained general use of my arms as my tendinitis has regressed, thankfully. It's ironic that it was a year ago this month that I injured my arms and now a year later my knees are giving me trouble. Other people can play video games and run along the sidewalk just fine; why can't I? Maybe I should just be a Viking, they're tough:

In any case, the new place my parents found is lovely: it's a large condo with plenty of room for them and all their stuff, located in a quiet building with quiet neighbors and not too far from Victoria. They even have a very spacious den into which I'll be moving most of my book collection for safekeeping, as I really don't have the room here and quite honestly I haven't been reading much in the last year. Being able to store my books along with a few other things somewhere that's not subject to damp or other dangers to paper is a big relief to me. I'm glad that they found such a nice place, as it's exactly the sort of condo  that I've been working so hard these past years to get them into so they can enjoy their retirement years… and so I can look to my own needs, as I've said before.

Plus, I can use the occasional visit as an excuse to 'rediscover' my books. How nice is that?

March 31 - Mental Games

Switching mental gears here, I'm not going to talk about Game Of Thrones.

Sure, I could: today's the premiere of the third season of the show and I happen to be really into it. But seeing as I have yet to finish watching the second season with my sister, you'll forgive me if I don't want to talk about it - at least not yet.

Instead, I'll mention a bit about The Mentalist.

For those of you haven't seen the show, it's a crime drama with the neat twist similar to my other fave crime drama: Castle. In The Mentalist, the 'outsider' member of the team is a man named Jane( shades of Firefly, anyone? )with unique abilities enabling him to see connections and read people like nobody else. He doesn't claim to have any sort of supernatural or actual psychic abilities but his powers of observation and insight are incredible, which I find appealing. I also really enjoy the fact that he often wears a smile indicating he knows something that nobody else does and finds it amusing without being overbearing or aloof. Simon Baker, the actor who plays the character of Patrick Jane, is perfect for the role and exudes a calm confidence that lends incredible weight to his believability and convictions in his insights.

While I haven't seen all that many episodes, my parents have been ardent watchers of The Mentalist and collected the last three seasons on DVD. I don't find that I have a lot of TV habits in common with my parents but I'm pleased to say that they're watching a solid show, right along with their regular viewing of Castle - who wouldn't want to watch a show where a writer is the star?

This week's blog was both difficult and easy to write; I simply turned on the microphone and let my thoughts out onto the page, which was fulfilling and I put a lot out on the page. Last few months have been a yo-yo ride in many ways for me, was a lot of what I'm feeling and thinking not making it onto the blog as it would just be counterproductive and quite honestly not worth reading. I tend to work things through inside the comfort of my own head but I'm finding that nowadays I have to talk here and there to friends or family just to get a sense of balance of where I'm heading, which is only natural. It's all new territory to me this year, in many ways and this blog helps me see where I've been so I can walk more steadily towards where you need to be going.

Daytime, Discussions and Dry Hands

The word of the week is primaveral.

March 18 - First daytime shift

After getting about four hours sleep on Saturday and Sunday night this past weekend, I started my first day shift today at 10 AM with a smile on my face.

It wasn't as a difficult shift as I'd have thought considering my lack of sleep, as my enthusiasm for working while the sun is in the sky carried me through the whole day. As well, the people I work with are generally genial as are most of the customers who wander in through the door during the day. I found several similarities to my last job in that I was always busy and always dealing with customers in one way or another, as someone was always at my elbow asking questions during the day - but I don't mind that as I'm always helping people in small ways and offering my advice instead of trying to fix difficult problems with my hands tied behind my back by my employer.

That's really a great feeling and one that I can get used to.

I went home tired but not frustrated and my night's sleep was actually rather restful, as I wasn't carrying a bundle of work stress into the next day all over again. Sure, there's other stresses that I'm trying to minimize but it's a great relief to know that the only challenges I have ahead of me at work are mainly learning-related in getting used to their policies and being trained in their methodology.

That, I can do.

March 19 - Calvin and Hobbes, Animated!!!

On my bookshelf are every Calvin and Hobbes book released by Bill Waterson; I treasure them all.

What's not on my bookshelf (or any other shelf for that matter) are animated movies starring those same characters. Mr. Waterson has never authorized any sort of animated adaptation of his beloved comic strip and is unlikely to do so, as he is ferociously protective of his creation to the point where each strip might as well have been carved in granite, unchangeable by time for all eternity.

Fortunately, some fans had taken it upon themselves to do the impossible and breathe life into Mr. Waterson's creations. Below is the one and only animated short starring Calvin and Hobbes, culled from the still frames of the strip which were used as keyframes to form the completed animation. It was pulled from YouTube several times and I can't guarantee that the link below will remain active forever, but here's the link to my Dropbox folder, where I have downloaded a copy of the video just in case it vanishes again. Enjoy!

March 20 - Drying with Blades

Believe it or not, I was impressed today by hand dryer, of all things.

You know, hand dryers: those noisy loud things located in public restrooms the world over that take forever to dry your hands and blow cold air right up until the last few seconds you're using them.

Well, the mall downtown has installed a pair of next-generation dryers and I was shocked by how well they worked - without heat! They are made by Dyson and are called the AirBlade Mk2.

Now, don't get me wrong: these things won't change the world. But I believe when it comes to technology, all the little things added together will make our lives easier and allow us to shift the burden from just getting through our day to figuring out what were going to do with that while not worrying about all the little details. See how that works, now we can waste less time drying our hands.

What will you do with those extra 30 seconds two or three times every day from now on?

March 21 - First Day Of Spring, Again

It's official: we had no snow this winter here in Victoria.

Sure, we did have some frost and some flakes did fall from the sky but not a one stuck around on the ground to get its photo taken.

Spring arrived early here on South Vancouver Island, with blossoms bursting from the trees all over the city:

Victoria really is a beautiful place to live and I'm very grateful that throughout the cold months, I could look out my front window and see only green grass. The fact that it was the cloudiest winter on record here in Victoria does mean that I spent more time curled up next to my sunlamp, but I'll take that concession if it means that I don't have to wear winter boots or watch out for ice lurking under snowdrifts.

March 22 - Mechs: Then And Now

When I purchased my first Pentium-based PC twenty years ago back in the early 1990s, I was thrilled with the power it possessed in playing games. The video resolution and speed were incredible when it came to playing games like X-Wing or Descent… or Mechwarrior.

Yes, the original Mechwarrior2( and the later PentiumEdition! )that was released in 1995 was a benchmark in the videogame industry, that is still fondly remembered today by many, myself included. It was the perfect combination of story, graphics, sound and pure fun that has yet to be equaled even on modern machines. Sure, the graphics are really dated and art even "true" three-dimensional constructs, but that doesn't matter; once you started to play the game it pulled you into the 31st century and never really let you go.

Since then, there have been several iterations of Mech games that have come and gone but until the recent MechwarriorOnline that came out in mid-2012, none of them really captured the fun of Mechwarrior2. Below is a video timeline of every Mechwarrior game released that shows you just how far we've come since the first pixels were put together in the shape of a 50 ton Hunchback mech:

March 23 - What to do with me?

I received a bit of a shock this week when my new schedule came out of work:

I'd only been marked down for two shifts, total.

Needless to say, I felt disappointed after having come from a full five shifts per week on midnights. I kept my calm however and talk to several managers, keeping my tone light but still requiring answers.

As it turns out, there is still some discussion going on about how to best use me and in what role when it comes to ensuring I have the proper training before I go out on the sales floor in technology. While I do know the business I don't know the specifics of how Staples operates and so it was decided this week to leave me several days where I could train from home, which came as a welcome surprise to me.

So next week I'll be spending two days at home, training through the online system to get the necessary underpinnings to bring me more fully into the technology role that I was originally hired for. It was a relief to find that out, as I had wondered if I'd been told one thing and was being discarded after I'd done what was needed in order to help on midnights until they could hire someone else. That didn't really make sense to me and so today I relaxed, telling my worrying brain to shut up once again.

March 24 - Un-line that brow!

Today was my first care-free day in many months.

It was a conscious decision on my part: I wasn't going to do anything today to add stress to my mind, as I am wont to do all too regularly if I don't catch myself.

So I went out for breakfast to my favorite restaurant (Stone's Throw) and didn't rush.

I spent a little time playing in the closed beta of the new Neverwinter Online PC game, which was a lot of fun even with the rough edges. I think it's got potential and I hope it develops properly in the next few months.

In the afternoon I took time to Moka House, to sit in the sunshine with no agenda other than to enjoy the patio while sipping my tea and having a chocolate hedgehog for the first time in six months (they're loaded with sugar and I've been careful with that in my diet for about as long). It was heavenly and a good way to wind down for the evening.

Not much else to say, really. Until next week! 

Guides, Green and a Good Night's Sleep

The word of the week is switchover.

March 11 - We miss you, Douglas

There are many authors that have influenced me over the years, but few the extent Douglas Adams has. 

Today marks his birthday.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series of books contains leaps of imagination and zany humor such as I'd never seen before and it captured me hook, line and sinker. Along with the works of Monty Python, Douglas Adams had a profound influence on my sense of humor that has stayed with me to this day. The recent movie starring Zoey Deschanel and Martin Freeman was an excellent adaptation of Adams's work which I thoroughly enjoyed, as it captured the wacky universe that Douglas depicted.

It's a crime against the universe that Douglas Adams left us so soon, but we still have his works to enjoy and for that I'll always be grateful. Thanks to him, I always know where my towel is.

March 12 - It's a Sine!

Well, this is neat!

I really love science; for years I had a subscription to Popular Science magazine just so I can keep up with all the latest developments that technology was bringing us. With the rise of the Internet, I've been able to find my own sources outside of PopSci, which is fantastic: science is more popular now than ever with the rise of G33k culture.

Things like the video below fill me with a childlike wonder whenever I see them. Science is always discovering something new and exciting in our world, so frequently that sometimes I forget how rapid the advance of modern technology has been in my lifetime alone. Watch the video and be amazed all over again by the world you live in:

March 13 - Sunstones

I like to dabble in history, especially the more interesting parts.

Recently, scientists unearthed a fascinating relic that turned out to be even older than they first thought: it's a Viking Sunstone.

These stones were used by the Vikings in order to navigate on the open ocean even when the sun was not visible through the clouds. The natural crystal of the stone is translucent and focuses the week sunlight to the point where the direction of the sun can be determined easily by a trained eye.

Discoveries like this fascinate me, as it shows yet again that the ancient world was full of wonders that we are unaware of today save through layers of myth and half understood texts. My creativity is fired every time something new comes out of history, revealed to the modern world. I imagine places, people and things that may have existed or may not, depending on your sources and how willing you are to believe in legends.

The Sunstone is possible proof that some of those legends are true. If so, then what else may have existed that today we think was only myth?

March 14 - Defiance and me

In the world we live in, coincidence happens fairly often.

When it involves creative properties, things may get a little heated.

Take, for example, the new sci-fi TV show Defiance. It's a story about aliens who come to earth, fight a war and we get to see the aftermath. Sounds great, right?

My problem is that it sounds a lot like my novel. Cue frustrated author feelings, focus on me.

A redhead? Seriously? I was there first...

I'm not saying that one story is a carbon copy of the other, but it annoys me to have worked so hard to come up with my own unique world just to have something similar pop up out of nowhere on television. I'm not claiming to be utterly unique in my creation but I certainly didn't borrow from anyone or anything knowingly or unwittingly; I did the best that I could with the stories in my mind.

Which makes me wonder if the arrival of Defiance will help or hinder my novel when it makes it to market eventually. I'll say it here first: there will likely be comparisons between the show and my book, but that I wasn't aware of defiance until Fall 2012 well after my novel's first draft was completed at the end of August 2012. I'm almost loath to find out anything about the show for fear of contaminating the third draft of my book that I'm currently working on. You can read all about Defiance on the web and if you want to do so spoiler-free, have a gander at this article - I did and I can say that I was surprised to learn that it's being classified as a Western, which my novel definitely isn't. As well, there are no humans anywhere in my book and no mention of Earth at all, which is a small comfort as I can just imagine agents comparing the two and quietly slipping my book into the Rejection Pile with little thought.

I have to be positive and believe that my work will stand on its own, regardless of some interdimensional trickster playing pranks on my psyche as I try to get published.

March 15 - One month employed!

One month ago today, I started my new job.

It's been a month of midnights, stocking shelves  five days a week, and I've enjoyed most every minute of it. Unexpectedly, at that, though I knew that the stress levels would be far less than at my last job.

One of the unexpected benefits of the new job is that it's been very therapeutic for my tendinitis. My arms no longer ache after a day's simple activities or even after moderate exertion, such as working with boxes all night long. I've been very careful not to strain either arm unnecessarily and I believe the regular exertions I've put them through has been beneficial; I can feel much of my strength returned to my arms along with a new firmness to my grip for which I'm very grateful.

I'm also pleased that I've lost 10 pounds in the last month, as it's obvious it was just an excess that was doing me no good. I still feel energetic enough to ride my bike at speed twice a day to work and back, though I have been tired after some of the heavier midnight shifts. I like to think of it as paring myself down to the essentials so that I can build myself back up again as I see fit - if you'll pardon the pun.

Wrong eyes and hair, but close enough of a resemblance to me...

That's the idea this year: to move forward and to make more of myself. To focus on what I need to do to lead the life I want and to leave behind the problems that I've carried for so many years.

It's happening now; I just have to find a balance between work and the other elements of my plans for this year so that I don't lose focus and I can achieve as many of my goals as possible.

March 16 - Adjustment

Today I began adjusting my body clock so I can work days again.

I actually began planning for this a month ago, as I knew I wouldn't be staying on midnight shifts long-term. Each night, I brought a large thermos of tea to work with me, half of which I had midnight and the other half at 4 AM p.m. I did this consistently, so that my body quickly became used to the boost that the caffeine gave me and so carried me through the night without relying too heavily on such a thing.

When I got home from work this morning, I was very tired as I hadn't had my full dose of tea last night - just a small amount at midnight and that was it. I slept for only four hours and then woke myself, pouring some fresh tea to kickstart my body clocks adjustment. I stayed up, unfortunately well past midnight until I could finally fall asleep and woke again well before dawn on Sunday, again only having got four hours sleep - not what I had in mind but that's the human body for you, always full of surprises.

My exclusion of caffeine seems to have done the trick, as I'm getting tired already at the right times in the evening. I'm hoping that I'll be able to sleep through Sunday night to wake was a fairly normal circadian rhythm and the reset body clock on Monday morning. A few days of light therapy should also help, as has the sunny weekend: I've spent quite a few hours in bright sunlight all told on Saturday and Sunday so I am fairly certain that I've given the right marching orders for sleeping at night.

Dreaming, well… that's another matter altogether.

March 17 - Green

St. Patrick's Day is my favorite unofficial holiday of the year, but not for the reason you think.

Some people like it for the social aspect, seeing many of their friends in close proximity at a local pub or house party. Others simply like it for the drink, as it's an excuse for imbibing more than is good for you in a short period of time over one evening. There are also some folk who simply enjoy the energy of the evening, wherever they are, with the enthusiasm of a shared celebration by everyone around them.

For me, I like St. Patrick's Day because of the color green.

Green is, after all, my favorite color. There are many reasons why and I won't bore you with them; suffice to say that above all other shades of the rainbow, the color green speaks to me the most. As Kermit the frog said, it's not easy being green, but I prefer to think of the color as denoting growth, which I can definitely relate to my life in the present with all the changes I have gone through and am planning to undertake this year.

Green is good.

It's late and I'm done the blog. Now to try for some sleep before my dayshift; here's hoping! See you next week.