Dungeons, Dreams and Determination

The word of the week is confabulation.

Nov 4 -Upswing

Balance has mostly returned to my life.

By which I mean that my focus has narrowed to where things are easier for me on a daily basis. I work, I write, I deal with the small things that life throws at me and I'm not worrying about much else on purpose.

 I'm also eating much better, with numerous healthy snacks each day in addition to regular meals which I'm finding is helping balance my energy levels. Coping with work stress is always done on a day-to-day basis but stepping outside the moment helps get me some perspective on situations that might otherwise upset me.

The new year is coming up fast and I have to finish up my Dark Crystal project before I can dig back into completing the third draft of my novel. While it disappoints me that I'll have to miss my own self-imposed deadline, common sense tells me that this is the correct thing to do right now.

That and the fact that I'm sleeping better tells me it as well.

Nov 5 - Remember, Remember

Today is Guy Fawkes day, which is not so big over here in North America.

Yet the reason that the day is celebrated over in the United Kingdom is a very valid one anywhere in the world: that those who rule over us should do so in a just manner and should be removed from power if they do not. However, it should be with reason, not violence.

In a democracy, those who are not worthy of their position are voted out of office. Strangely, voter apathy has long been something that the Western world has tolerated and even encouraged, which will keep those who are not worthy of power still in their office.

We need to learn and never forget that to give away power over ourselves is to make worthless the sacrifices of those who fought and died for the freedom our society currently enjoys today.

Nov 6 - Azarkant

Modern computer technology continues to amaze me.

What was possible only a few short years ago on multimillion dollar hardware can now be done by computers that anyone can afford, albeit still on the range of thousands of dollars.

This puts incredibly low-cost technology in the hands of artists who can do wonders with it. 

One such person is the creator of Azarkant, a short CGI film who lose graphics rival that of Hollywood's best FX houses. Have a look:

Azarkant from Andrey Klimov on Vimeo.

In the future, a team of astronauts are sent on a ten year journey to a distant planet to find new life. On their way, they encounter a large, abandoned spaceship that is drifting in the orbit of a mysterious planet. They board the ship with anticipation of the great discoveries to uncover inside. However, they do not know what terrible secret this spacecraft keeps...

Nov 7 - Writing Life

You have to be observant to learn from life.

Here in my building, for example, I met two other writers. Both are at different stages of life from myself and both have taken different paths from the ones that I think I'll tread in my own journey.

One writer was formerly an actor and the books that he's written to date are more memoirs than anything else. His life was not easy and his current situation is far from ideal, yet he still perseveres in putting pen to paper to get his thoughts out for the world to see.

 The other writer in residence here is near the end of his life, having published nine books in various genres. He's lived a very full life and appears to have no regrets, being content to spend his final years living simply and occasionally enjoying the company of the grown family that he brought into being.

It's sobering and joyful at the same time to see how the lives of these two writers have worked out. My own path as a wordsmith has just begun to accelerate and I've no idea where it will end up.

I hope its place that I'll be able to say I had no regrets in reaching.

Nov 8 - Prophetic Dream?

I dreamt vividly tonight.

My dreams usually are not this intense or specific, especially ones that deal with my current life as it stands. There was obviously a lot going on in my subconscious and it manifested itself tonight in a dream that remained quite memorable after I'd woken at my usual time these days.

While I won't go into details, it was interesting to see how a 'solution' was presented by my back brain in terms of a possible future that I might have lived. Instead of living with what if's right now, my brain simply skipped ahead 10 years and showed me what had already happened and how I've moved on.

Fascinating stuff, and one more indication that my gray matter is juggling quite a few things that I'm not quite fully aware of each day. Pretty neat.

Nov 9 - Dungeon Keeper

After 15 years, it's back!

One of the most enjoyable games I've played in years, Dungeon Keeper was a fun light hearted management game where you play the role of the evil dungeon Master who is expanding his lair. It was released for the PC in 1997 and had several sequels, but nothing more for the last decade.

Now the Canadian android app store is the first to see the new Dungeon Keeper - sweet! Check it out:

It's a fun game that I've enjoyed for the last couple of days, though it's not as quick to get into as the original. The current game requires you to have a longer initial curve to get started, unless you pay real money to skip ahead of the initial levels to get the good stuff.

Since I'm cheap and don't have a lot of time right now, I'll just play it out as it comes and enjoy it for longer. I'm just tickled that it's back in a recognizable form and still just as enjoyable on my tablet and android smart phone. I'm all for bringing back simple fun games instead of fancy graphics that are over far too quickly.

Nov 10 - FireFox Fixed!

G33kdom has triumphed - I finally fixed my Firefox!

My Firefox browser has not functioned for more than 60 seconds at a time for the last year. While I'm not sure exactly what the problem was, I ended up installing a few ad blockers and other programs that allowed me to turn off various features of the browser.

Which seemed to work, as now I can use it just fine - hooray!

Firefox is my favorite browser because of its ability to be modified so easily to exactly suit my needs. I'll be digging back into all the neat little things that I can do with it in the new year, once I have a little time to go back to my customizations and update them all.

For now, I'm just really happy that the darn thing works again!

My left wrist has been bothering me for the last couple of weeks, but that's nothing new to me. It just means that I can't do much writing at all apart from using my voice and while that's frustrating I'm quite used to it by now. It does make it tricky sometimes at work however, in order not to strain my wrists any further and it makes any sort of video game time an impossibility, which saddens me.

Friends, Flipping and Forgetting

The word of the week is inestimable.

Oct 28 - Brevity

I'm cutting back on the blog's entry length for the next few months.

There's a lot for me to do and I don't have as much time as I'd like to do it in. So I'll have to find some time here and there every day and one way to do that is to spend less time writing this blog every week. Considering that not so many people are still reading the blog every week, compared to previous months or years, it's no great loss, I think.

Not to say I won't be putting entries, but as regular readers will know, I don't have a lot going on right now that's overly interesting to put in. Which means that apart from capturing a few of the more interesting thoughts gamboling through my head, I won't be saying much here until the new year.

At least.

Oct 29 - UnHappy

It's funny how sometimes you need someone else's perspective on your own life.

A friend of mine who read my blog on a regular basis sent me back a very insightful e-mail about my present state of mind. He said I'm not sad, but rather I am un-happy.

That's a very interesting thing to say, I think.

In contrast, a friend of mine posted this picture on FBook:

Right now, I know I'm not that friend. I'm quiet, introspective and live a lot in my thoughts while observing everything going on around me. When I do come out of my shell, I know my smile and energy can light up the room - I'm working towards making those two sides of myself into a whole.

Oct 30 - Forget Failure?

Friends are great: they send you links like this one.

That also relates to this link, which is all about understanding how fear failure is often worse than failure itself. Fear and worry quite often combine forces to dance hand-in-hand through my head and I have to find a way to march to a different beat.

Worrying accomplishes nothing save using energy that could be better put towards more positive things.

Have a look at both of those links, they're definitely worth taking the time to read.

Oct 31 - No Candy

Halloween was very, very quiet this year for me - same as last year.

I didn't end up going out at all and have shelved my costume until next year. Yet I really 

love this particular 'holiday' and it's grown on me even more since I was a kid. The idea of being able to take on another completely different persona by putting on a costume and going around in public among other people doing the same thing is breathtakingly refreshing.

Which is kind of like cosplay but sanctioned only once a year instead of at a convention. If I had more time and more money, I would definitely get into cosplaying, as it seems really have taken off in the last few years as more than just an odd hobby.

What I'll probably do is just compile a list of costumes that I'd like to create at some point and leave it at that. When my ship comes in, I'll be able to get right into creating a bit of my own fantasy in our shared reality - the thought really appeals to me.

Nov 1 - SIX years already?

Last year, I wrote a lot about having spent half a decade now in BC.

I won't go into any detail this year, as it would be just a little redundant and I'm sure by now some of you are sick of hearing about it. But I'm not sick of living in BC; not even close.

The climate, the people and quite a few other things all combine to make it a wonderful place to reside.

Sure, I'd love to be well into a writing career that pays all my bills and allows for comfortable lifestyle, but that's coming. I'm not planning on moving unless I have no other choice in order to make a living, which I don't want to do if it means taking somebody else's marching orders in order to get paid.

I'm at a crossroads right now: my writing has to get to the point where it's self-sustaining. Where I have the time and the energy each day to create something that will end up being worth selling as my creative work. Which I can do from anywhere in the world, when you think about it.

But I'd rather do it from right here in BC.

Nov 2 - Flip the switch

I really want to get better at my day job, but I can't spare the time.

There is the option to watch some of the hundreds of training videos that are available through the company website while at home, but I'm not convinced the end justifies the means.

Even if I watched every single video while taking copious notes, I still wouldn't be much closer towards making a better hourly wage when I was done. I'm certain that I would be better at my job, day-to-day, but there are JUST as many far more specific details that need to be learned while on the job that aren't covered in the videos.

The perfectionist in me wants to drive as far down the training road as possible, while the realist in me realizes that if I tried then the wheels would simply come off the car from the sheer amount of time and effort required - with results that aren't commensurate. Yet I still despise the idea that I'm not doing my absolute best at something... but I have other things to do that require my best.

Right now, I do my job well enough that it only generates some stress and friction every day.

That'll have to do while I focus my efforts on my writing and not on perfecting my personal performance needs for my rather paltry paycheque.

Nov 3 - All Over Again

Sunday nights used to be all about The Simpsons for me.

Not anymore. The shows been on so long that they've pretty much coverage everything that can happen to the average American family, even with all the craziness that a cartoon show can allow.

I pretty much lost interest somewhere around the 15th season, when the writing wasn't so sharp and you could see that the show was struggling to find itself a little each episode.

However, I'm pleased to say that The Simpsons has managed to raise the quality of the episodes it makes in the last few years. My favorite parts though have always been the title intro, which always finishes with the family ending up on the couch in the living room watching TV.

Tonight's episode spoofed The Hobbit rather nicely:

Sad to say, this week the show lost one of their most recognizable voice talents: Marcia Wallace, who voiced the character of Edna Crabapple and many others. She will be missed.

I'm writing this brief blog in between getting home from work and going to sleep before getting up At 6 AM to work again. Today was a very trying day and I'm going to work hard tomorrow ( on top of working hard ) to take today's difficulties in stride while enjoying the fact that I'm employed. And that I can still write with my voice, at least.

Clothes, Costumes and Crystals

The word of the week is febrile.

Oct 21 - Equilibrium

I'm sleeping better this week - noticeably so.

My improved diet is definitely having an effect on my daily energy levels and overall mood. It's all about balance and getting the food I need to have every single day has meant that I've been less exhausted after work and more able to fully rest at night. My sleep tracking program has shown that my percentage of 'deep sleep' has risen in the last week from an average low of 50% to the mid-60s and even into the 70s, which is a fantastic improvement overall, at least in the physical sense.

The physical will also reflect on the mental, which is the other half of the coin.

Right now, I'm doing very little outside of work and writing, as I've already said in this blog recently. This past week, I realized that I don't have a circle of close friends here in Victoria, at least not in the sense that I do in Niagara. I don't hang out with people on a regular basis, even once a week, but instead see people here and there at parties or the occasional guests that I have over for game night - which is about once a month or so.

It makes me ponder on sociability and how it's changed for me in middle-age.

Without going into the deep ramifications, what I've discovered so far is that my social circle has thinned since moving to Victoria, which comes as no surprise. I've maintained the links to everyone I knew in Niagara, but they are a lot more tenuous than they were when I could get together in person, especially on short notice, with my friends.

Now that it's just me( and my immediate family ) here in BC, and without regular social group, I found myself playing the role of the observer( and hence the implied author) in my own life. Which is not ideal, but it certainly leaves me a lot of time to devote to writing.

So I'd better be about it, shouldn't I?

Oct 22 - Showgirl No More

Something odd in the news caught my eye this week.

It was an article about Elizabeth Berkley, of all people, who I wouldn't normally say is on my attention radar. Yet there's an odd resonance with her story this week and my own.

The horrible reviews that her movie Showgirls received( and is still receiving to this day ) greatly affected her career. Her talents as an actress( which I'm not familiar with I have to say ) have been overshadowed by this single film for two decades now, hindering her hopes and dreams.

Yet she managed to rise above the scathing shadow of Showgirls recently by putting in an exemplary performance on Dancing with the Stars and so put the past behind her - she earned a perfect score from the judges and proved that she was still to be ranked among the top dancers in Hollywood.

I'm very happy for Ms. Berkley in that sense, as she has managed to shake something that has dogged her for many years - unfairly, as I see it now. Being pigeonholed by a single roll and underestimated while being capable of change must have been devastating, to have carried that for so many years would have been crushing too many.

Now she can move on with her life - just as I have been looking to do.

Oct 23 - AuthorQuest Revealed!

I guess I can't keep it to myself any longer: here's what my secret project is about…

For the last few months, I've been working on something that I hope will turn into a full novel that will be published and read by tens of thousands of people in the near future…

I'm talking about creating a new novel for the Dark Crystal universe.

Henson Productions has put out an open call for submissions for authors of all walks. They're looking for creative minds to tell more stories based in the universe that Jim Henson created when he and many other amazingly talented people brought the world of The Dark Crystal to life a few decades ago.

Luckily, I am a big fan of the movie; I have several hard-to-find books as resources for my incipient story and I had the pleasure of meeting other fans in Phoenix late last spring. There's a plethora of information now available at DarkCrystal.com, so I have a lot of great material to work with in shaping my story.

Yet I'm only half done and the deadline is fast approaching at the end of 2013.

With that in mind, I've been focusing more on completing my submission for The Dark Crystal that I have on editing my own draft, if only for the reason that there are far more immediate and tangible results waiting for me down the one pass and not the other - for now.

I'll have to keep the actual story itself under my hat until the contest is over with and the top five stories are posted on DarkCrystal.com for fans to vote on.

My goal is to be one of those top five! Stay tuned!

Oct 24 - Disney Halloween?

What would Halloween be without costumes?

For that matter, what with Disney be without costumes? I'm glad to see that some artists combine Disney in Halloween each year in interesting ways, as always bring something fresh to the table.

This year I point to the work of Isaiah Stephens, who has re-imagined a bevy of Disney beauties as different characters from various other franchises in fascinating ways. My particular favorite is this one, of Tinkerbell as the Bride from Kill Bill:

Part of what makes an artist's vision unique is finding the subtle ways that different subjects can be matched up. In Isaiah Stephens' case, his artistic eye is rather sharp as he's managed to capture the essence of both characters - in most cases - and translated that into a rich gallery for us to enjoy.

Oct 25 - Honor Harrington

I have a confession to make this week: I've started reading again - regularly.

Not that that's a bad thing, but it's taken me by surprise in that I've been fixated on one author's creation: the Honor Harrington military series by the prolific David Weber.

In early September, I noticed that the first book of the long-running series, On Basilisk Station was listed as free on the Amazon Kindle site - my favorite kind of price point! After I downloaded it and read a few chapters, I was hooked: it was exactly my kind of military space opera, with lots of action, memorable characters and dynamic plots with good pacing. I found myself quickly downloading the next book in the series( also for free! )and within a week I had read them both.

Soon after that I downloaded the next book… and the next. And the next. I was soon up to the seventh book in as many weeks and that's only with my reading the stories at night, on breaks at work or while I sat out having tea a few times during the week. It's been gratifying to know that my reading speed has not diminished during my hiatus from devouring novels and that I'm still able to finish them off without skimming at a pace that I'm used to. I could do a book a day if I put my mind to it and had 4 to 6 hours to devote solely to reading - I'm THAT quick when it comes to something that I enjoy and that isn't heavy going with lots of mental gymnastics and troublesome phraseology.

However, I have a book of my own to write and I've been making sure that when I read of late, it's only to relax and not to take the place of my own writing - tempting as that is correct.

For now, the Honor series of books is the perfect escape for me. It's exciting, able to be taken in digestible chunks and there's a LOT of books remaining. Wonderful!

Oct 26 - Fashionable, me?

I received an unexpected and wonderful gift today: clothes!

My wonderful sister dropped by briefly with a bag full of stylish things for me to wear, completely out of the blue. I was told simply that I was due for a wardrobe upgrade and she decided today was the day.

It should be noted that I buy close as often as I buy cars, that is to say almost never. My closet is not something that I consciously look to fill with new things but rather instead think of it only when something wears out to the point where a noticeable draft gets through the holes and so alerts me.

To have five new shirts to wear is an unimaginable luxury to me and I'm just thrilled with them, especially as they were a total surprise. The phrase that springs to mind is "The clothes make the man" and the reason that it sticks in my head of late is that I've paid very little attention to how I look, apart from my usual shaving and showering - it's always been the same clothes, in different combos, that I spend almost no time selecting in order to save energy for other things.

An outward appearance reflects the inner and for me that's been fairly utilitarian. I know that I've been blessed with decent looks and need little upkeep to be presentable, but when I don't spend the effort, it definitely shows. Especially now with my longer hair, but that's another story. I'll definitely be showing off my new fashions whenever I get the chance soon - something totally new to me and an area of myself I'll enjoy exploring.

Though I don't expect to turn into a clothes horse anytime soon

Oct 27 - Work, Home, No Problem

Today was a good day at work.

There was no crazy rush of people the whole time, though I didn't take my first break until four hours into my shift as it was very steady. I talked to quite a few folks, doing my job by matching their needs to various tech products that were on the floor for sale and generally being my genial self.

I'm not a natural salesperson, but I do have my honest integrity that I wear on my sleeve and that's usually enough to let me talk easily to people. I certainly wouldn't make a living if I was selling things on commission, but my current job means that I do well enough that I've yet to be brought to task for not living up to perform its expectations. Considering that I am making very little in terms of an hourly wage, working on commission might be better for me but that won't happen where I am right now and to be honest I don't want to make a living as a salesman.

What I do want to do is to do better at my job without spending excessive amounts of energy doing so. I need to find a mental switch to flip to see my job as a means to an end and not a drain on my resources that precludes devoting my best part of my energies in a day to my true passion: writing.

I'm a writer with a day job. While it doesn't pay my bills, it does pay and for now that will have to be enough while I continue to get my feet under me in various respects. I'm definitely looking for another job, yet I know that finding something measurably better is extremely difficult here in Victoria. Spending a year looking taught me that I need to make a more networked contacts in order to track down positions in the hidden job market if I want to make a decent hourly wage or salary.

Or I could land a publishing contract. The choice is mine: it all depends on how much harder I want to push myself and how much smarter I want to go about it.

My days off are for writing; that's the promise I made myself in October and so far it's been rather hit and miss. With the end of the year approaching, I can no longer devote energies to anything other than my writing and getting through my workplace. There's nothing else in my life right now.