Change, Choice and Craniums

The word of the week is steadfast.

October 29 - Nothing Yet

It's been a hard week of job searching, putting in targeted resume's and cover letters, then waiting for something to happen.

So far, not a single callback.

At this rate, I'm looking at taking 'a job' by the end of 2012, just to ensure an income stream. I knew it might reach this point, but I'm still depressed that it's come down to joe-jobbing things. I'm more limited in what I can do because of my arms and that's been unhelpful in my search. It's perversely gratifying to hear that places are looking for people with my( over- )qualifications but can only pay half what I was earning before… yet that's the reality. I search, I prepare, I apply… and I try not to dwell on the silence I've got back so far. WorkBC prepared me for this intellectually, but emotionally I still have to deal with it. Networking is the key, but I don't HAVE much of a network here, despite my efforts to cultivate leads from people I know.

Forget the tooth fairy; I want to know what body part(s) the Job Fairy wants. Anyone know?

October 30 - No more bookmarks?

With my Firefox crashing hard this week, I've looked at how best to protect my bookmarks as well as other programs like TooManyTabs. It's crazy-making to see your daily browsing interests and research go 'poof' of a sudden and vanish beyond easy recall. Fortunately, I managed to restore a backup and start using other methods to ensure that things won't get out of hand like that again.

Yet Mozilla is thinking hard about the whole 'bookmark' thing of late and seems to be interested in changing them for the better. What shape this would take is anyone's guess, but I'm all for a searchable pile of data, which would help me organize and relate things that I've surfed over the years. One thing I do know about bookmarks is that they change constantly as sites go dark or shift their content around. Being able to put my finger on what I need months or years later would be amazing - are you listening, Mozilla?

October 31 - Boo Again

This Hallowe'en( hi Lucas! )was one I didn't do much - well, nothing at all. I've been feeling down and tired the last few weeks, perhaps a remnant of pushing so hard to get my novel's second draft done, so I stayed in tonight. I curled up with some hot tea and watched Monsters Vs Aliens and afterwards their Halloween Special that came out last year, which left me in a much better mood.

So did this: news that Captain Power is being rebooted! I've waxed eloquently about this show before, so suffice to say I'm thrilled that it's going to get a shot at being on television again. Though J. Michael Straczynski isn't involved, a lot of the original creators are aboard and look to be treating the material with some measure of respect:

November 1 - Five years of BC Blogging

Five years in BC. Lots of changes in that time, most good, some so-so, a few bad:

I'm free of the job that was killing me: good. I'm free of a relationship: so-so. I'm not free of debt: bad. My family is taken care of financially: very good. My first novel is done: good. I'm still jobless: bad.

Ruminating on this today, I looked back at my previous entries for Nov 1st since moving to BC. They were both longer than today's, but each contained an interesting nugget or two.

In 2008, I'd been here a year and I was still getting used to the idea:

The urban horror scenario of working at the same job, with no real room for advancement, doing the same things month after month, year after year... I am not sure if you can call it ambition, but perhaps better label it as a need for Change. Some years ago, quite a few in fact, I was struck by a sudden vision: a ten-year veteran of MMart, plugging away at night on a novel, hoping to be published, yet never feeling like I was accomplishing anything or getting any OTHER work or interests covered. Apart for the glow of friends and family support, one year would tend to seem like another.

Last year on Nov 1st 2011, I'd taken myself to the hospital with chest pains. That produced this:

My family is taken care of now, so that I don't have to worry much about their futures - my parents retirement or my sister's prosperity, really. As for me, it's been a strange ride; I have few friends out here in BC, for various reasons, but I do not feel the lack most days, given my mental state. Which is one that deals with stress, and heartache, and loneliness every waking hour. Along with joy, growing stability and a new-found( yet tentative )balance while looking towards the future. A future that is closer now more than ever. I'm looking forward to changing jobs, kicking my writing career into high gear, holding out my hand to offer love, and to try to get ahead in a financial sense so that my stress levels will drop all the more. I've been through a lot, accomplished some impressive things, and still feel I have a LOT more to do very soon, for a very long time.

So where am I in 2012?

At a new beginning, if I dare admit it to myself. I'm a little scared, jobless and alone in some ways… but I have a lot to be proud of, with new careers still to be discovered and free to do what I please for myself.

It's not a bad place to be, after all. I just have to keep telling myself that every day.

November 2 - Locking It Remotely!

Remember last week when I said that tech and I have some… differences of opinion?

Today I was reminded of WHY I love technology: it can make your life easier in COOL ways!

Case in point: Lockitron.com which closed their initial fundraiser today( outside of Kickstarter! )only a few hours after I'd heard about it… and signed up for one! Have a look at the video for why I jumped at a chance to own one of these locks:

There's so MANY reasons to get this. No more forgetting my keys elsewhere and being locked out of my house until I can get back to them or have them dropped off. I can do the same for someone else if I'm not home and they need to get into the place but have forgotten their keys. Wireless entry is a bonus too: even if I have my keys, my smartphone will unlock the door when I get home. And as a renter, I can install it in seconds and remove it easily, with no damage, to take it with me to my next place.

But the biggest reason to get it? Peace of mind: I can just check my phone to see if I've locked the door! Who hasn't had that feeling before, especially as you're heading out on a long trip or vacation? YES!

November 3 - How smart?

Brains have been on my… er, mind, of late. Smarts are not always tied to success, so perhaps that's what's been bothering me. I've never discussed my IQ with other people, tried to join MENSA or otherwise made a lot of what's been upstairs, save to treat it with care lest I lose it through abuse. It's also made it hard to relate to people on some levels, as I can talk about things that many other people can't fully grasp or frankly just aren't interested in… so that's a little frustrating, but I don't dwell on it.

The smartest people in the world right now were recently listed on Yahoo and they're a diverse bunch. Quite a lot of achievers on that list( and some over-achievers too )and I feel a distant kinship… but I also wonder how well I'd do in a Jeopardy contest with them. What does it feel like to be the dumbest genius in the room? Each person has their specialty and as the picture above shows, some people work a lifetime to try and discover where their brilliance can focus best.

November 4 - Dull Endings

I've been living the last week under headphones, as the people upstairs are back again - packing, I hope.

But they're making no effort whatsoever to be quiet and though they've been 'good' about the mornings( ie. letting me sleep until 7am )they've been noisy until near midnight many nights. The daytime crashing / running / whatever-the-hell-we-feel-like-dropping-now is fairly steady, so when I'm not out I'm listening to bass-heavy music and popping headache pills( due to the weather )while thinking that December should be a sweet month of change above… and on the bright side, I've heard many songs from many artists that I haven't before.

Change is what it's about, this time of year. The gloomy weather's set in, the leaves are piling up and the air's no longer warm, but crisp. It's funny how reliant we become on habits, forming them quickly without noticing. This week, as Sandy pummeled the east coast, my fave three websites( io9, LifeHacker and Gizmodo )went down as their servers in NYC went offline. I was surprised that they didn't have a backup plan for just such a thing and double surprised that the internet was such a fragile thing; it's supposed to take a lickin' and keep on tickin' but that just didn't happen with websites or cell phones as the power died in the Big Apple. Change was forced upon people by Mama Nature, like it or not. 

And that's it for this week: a whole lot of nothing going on. I'm hoping for at least one interview from my efforts this coming week, as I can't just keep banging my head on the wall hoping to crack the Job Barrier. See you then.

Magic, Movies and Merriment

The word of the week is malaise.

October 22 - The Empire Strikes Back, in PAL?

It's strange in this age of abundant information, that I still find myself surprised when I come across new information about what I loved as a child.

Back in those pre-net days, ANY source of information about Star Wars was a revelation. I read official magazines, subscribed to a few fan rags and watched every 'making of' and 'Behind the scenes' TV special I could find. I thought I'd seen everything there was to know about the original Star Wars Trilogy, but I forgot something important:

Star Wars was( and is )a global phenomenon.

Meaning that specials like this one from Holland were made and NOT SEEN by people elsewhere. This is Part One; you can click to YouTube and the list on the right should have Making EMpire(dutch)02 to show the last 5 minutes. It's damn good stuff, probably even better if you speak Dutch:

October 23 - Feedback!

It wasn't the day that had me excited: I spent most of it in two WorkBC seminars about resume's - not that exciting.

No, it was my trip to the Garrick's Head Pub in the evening that I was really looking forward to. Why?

Feedback on my novel, of course!

Talking with a friend over beers about the second draft of my novel was incredible, especially as he had a LOT of GREAT feedback to give! My ears were open and I was prepared for anything, but to hear him talk about the world and the characters I had created with such curious reverence was spectacular!

Even though he was only a hundred pages in, his comments told me that I hadn't wasted all that time writing. He knew who the characters all were, what they were up to, what the world was about, who the factions were and a myriad of other details that I had woven together into what I hoped was a good story. 

As we talked, I had to fight to keep an idiotic smile off my face, as most every word lifted me to new heights of authorial bliss. I felt my worries about the story being derivative or too complex melting away and I felt, for the first time, the glow that someone feels when they've done the best job they are capable of... and they are told that not in words, but in the satisfied smiles of people reading their work.

I barely felt the sidewalk under my feet as I walked home late - I was lifted by the wings of my story.

October 24 - Detached Dreams

I have never dreamed of love.

It's odd. My dreams are not like other people's, from what I've heard when the subject comes up. I don't have nightmares, for one, not since I was a very small boy. I decided then that I didn't like nightmares and ever since I've been free of those terrors. It's not lucid dreaming per se, as I don't manifest control in my dreams that I'm aware of... but I haven't woken in a terrified sweat for many decades now.

But love? Never. I dream of places, of people, of weird and fantastic worlds mixed in with twists on the mundane, but much like nightmares, love doesn't enter my dreams.

That bothers me on some level, as I can't discern a reason for it. Maybe my subconscious sees it as more of an abstract, as I've never really experienced a 'love event' in my life, so it doesn't know how to manifest one in a dream - save in a surreal, movie-like manner. Maybe it's the intellectual longing I feel, in that the minds I try to connect to in my dreams are far more important than their physical forms. Yet I do dream of beauty, in all its forms... yet nothing in a form I know has a heart I can touch.

October 25 - Friendship

I thought I'd share a little of my thoughts this week, that have percolated up through the muse of my mind.

For whatever reason, friendship has been on my thoughts of late. To me, there are three stages of friendships that form, best illustrated by school, of all things.

In grade school, friendships form honestly. Kids find each other without pretense, stating their interests and likes and hanging around with others who share the same. Friendships formed at this age, to me, seem like those that are the most lasting, as you are basing them on your true self before the world has much of a say in shaping you.

High school introduces a whole slew of factors, much of a different world than before. Here, people learn to bias themselves, stating a whole slew of dislikes and adjusting their social world accordingly. Sadly, I think this is the worst time to make friends, in that so few people can fit inside these self-formed blinders. If you do make lasting friends at this age, you may find that later in life you don't share too many things in common.

University almost hearkens back to grade school, in that honesty comes back into play again. Yet it is tempered by knowledge and the hopefully- developed ability to discern what people are about, underneath their public faces. Shared interests tempered by the desire for honesty AND the ability to see such for the truth mean that friendships formed at this stage of your life are fairly lasting, in the main.

There you have it. As I'm not well-versed on forming friendships outside of work, I won't speak on that... life after university for me was very, very challenging for me personally and so perhaps I've missed out on another stage of friendship. Yet I could be in the middle of another one, so stay tuned - life is always evolving and changing, just like you.

October 26 - Clouded Atlas?

Quite honestly, whatever else I did today didn't matter: tonight was the premier of Cloud Atlas!

Not having read the book ahead of time( on purpose ), I went into the film with an open mind. Three hours later, I walked out with mixed feelings, which is odd for seeing it on an IMAX screen.

I didn't dislike the film, let's be clear on that. But neither was I overwhelmed with it... I think a lot of other people thought it was too long or too complex, but those weren't issues for me. No, I liked the complex plotlines, the multiple characters, the widely varied settings and the twisting dialogue. All together though, it didn't add up to something that was life-changing, or even Very Impressive.

I think the best praise I can give to the film is that I will get it on DVD( or BluRay )and watch it carefully, to get ALL the subtle details I glimpsed in the theatre. Being someone who can process a lot of visual information, there's a lot buried in the film that I believe will make it a better viewing the second time around. And you don't have a pause button in the theatre, so there's something to be said for that.

October 27 - Party Time!

It was a funny day that dragged in parts and hopped by in others. I played some BL2 but had to stop as my wrists were hurting more than they should, so I took a brief break and went to Moka House that turned into a good two hours sitting on the patio. Which was great, as the glass roof and the heaters made the sunless gloom of pouring rain into an enchanting experience of watching water wash the world over the top of a steaming pot of tea. Lovely.

The evening saw me head out for a Halloween party, arriving a half-hour early so I could help with the party setup( unasked; I like to do that sort of thing ). Turns out that people didn't start showing up for another hour AFTER that, so I spent the time very pleasantly getting to know the hosts. Once people started arriving( all of us in costume )things really took off and by 9pm nearly two dozen people were packed into the stylish apartment near Oak Bay, My costume was a hit, alternately creeping people out and impressing them:

This is the least creepy photo of my costume I could find.

I billed myself as a 'World Of Warcraft Reject' which apparently went over so well that I won Funniest Costume - go figure! Other people told me that it was the scariest costume there and I had to agree; the mask disturbs me even under bright light. I do feel bad that it was essentially the same costume that I wore five years ago, but needs must: this year I've had no money to spend and quite frankly with no budget and nowhere to go to, I had no incentive to 'make' anything. But getting the invitation this week from Merrie meant I had a blast tonight; walking home in full costume was awkward but SO worth it... at least two people crossed the street when they saw me coming.

Happy Early Halloween, Victoria!

October 28 - Magic Malaise

As the people upstairs didn't bang things around until well after 1am like Saturday  I actually slept fairly well. But I still found myself slogging around for half the day with no energy, likely due to the lack of sunshine, so-so diet( I need more fruit and veggies! )and a general malaise that's set in from Not Being Employed.

It's really strange, but if you give me free time, I don't want it in more than two-week chunks. Sure, there's a lot I COULD be doing while I am 'free' from a job, but being the person I am, I feel compelled to do ALL that I can to GET back to work. I don't liken it to being lazy... it's more like that whatever I'm doing seems less important than finding work. Transferring my DVD's onto my PC or scanning my book collection into GoodReads sound like great ideas, but I get a few minutes in and I have to stop because of that feeling. I suppose it's drive, of a sort, but it's stopping me from 'enjoying my vacation from work' if you want to put it that way. Which really, when you think about it, has only been since October 14th 2012, as I was decompressing from MMart, dealing with my arm injury, moving from Langford and writing my novel( first AND second draft )since 

Feb 1st 2012 - rather busy, wouldn't you say?

So tonight, I took my friend Merrie( a former co-worker )up on her offer to head to her place, where her boyfriend and some other nice folk were having a friendly game of Magic: The Gathering. I'd given my cards all away back when I moved to BC( they were incredibly outdated and very basic anyway )so I had to try to pick up things again with a loaner deck.

Which I did with a vengeance! I won my first game through good card draws and bad ones for my opponents, which felt great. The second game I played as a member of a pair, which saw us lose to an 'undead' deck rather quickly. Spending hours and hours each week building decks was never my thing back in university and though I saw its effectiveness tonight, I'm not inclined to go out and start picking up Magic cards. I wasn't back then either; I'm much more about the social aspect of a gathering than about winning or losing. After two games, I spent the rest of the eve helping to carve a pumpkin into the likeness of Jack Skellington, which turned out great! The secret? Let someone else handle the details with a sharp knife AND light the semi-finished carving from inside with a bright light to get the final details perfect. I'll post a pic of it next week, I hope!

For some weird, unknown reason, my FireFox has stopped working - it just won't start. Seeing as I've had it customized just the way I like it, this is intensely frustrating. I'm going to have to fight with it this week and I sincerely hope that I don't have to lose all my information and customization by rein stalling it. For now, Chrome is making do... but oh, it does NOT like too many open tabs!

SIM cards, Silence and Job Searching

The word of the week is  persnickety.

October 15 - What a day…

Urk. I spent a lot of yesterday and most of today finishing critiques of five chapters of writing for my writer's group. The other three authors in my group are very talented and I feel VERY grateful to be able to meet once a month to get my own work critiqued by them. Which means I put a LOT of effort into going over their work to find things they can use to improve it, if they want to use my notes. But it meant that by the time today was over, I was very VERY tired; if yesterday was a blur, then today was just one long page of writing that had my head hitting the pillow at the end. Very simple, really.

So let's go and compare my four-month novel-writing marathon with a couple of folks with similar dedication, who built… the Batcave - out of Lego. It took Wayne and Carlyle a total of 800 hours over three months and here's what they had to say:

This project marks the first collaborative build between Carlyle and Wayne, with several more queued for future development. The features of this build include the Cave itself with what we think is the most “cave-ish” cave ever constructed. Added to that we have an operating turntable for the Batmobile, a moving costume/weapons selection wall and the BatPlane Lift. Surrounding all of this is the remarkable lighting effects that bring our BatCave to life.

The photos are incredible; have a look at them all over onFlickr, they'll blow your mind!

October 16 - Tech and Me

My sister made an astute comment the other day: tech and I don't seem to get along. After some consideration, I have to say that I think she might be onto something. Case in point: the new PVR external drive I've installed is… persnickety. I have to turn off the PVR a few times a day to keep it happy, otherwise it starts 'skipping' after live-recording a channel for too many hours in a row; weird. 

Another case: my new Samsung Galaxy III keeps 'losing' the phone part of the phone. If I don't reboot it at least once a day, people will call and go directly to my voicemail. I've tried to replicate the issue and can't, which is strange from a technical point of view. Right now I'm looking to see if perhaps a WiFi app or two might be causing the issue, which if the case means it will be fixed if I uninstall them. Having to keep checking to see if my phone's connected to Telus network is really strange and if it persists for more than a week, I'll have to bite the bullet and sit on hold with Telus support for a few hours to see if they can diagnose anything. Worst case scenario is to exchange the phone, which isn't a really great thought as I really like it. More than the Motorola RAZR HD LTE that came in the mail today.

Did I mention that? Yes indeedy: UPS buzzed at the door this morning and dropped off my prize! It's a very cool phone, almost identical in specs to the SIII but heavier and with less RAM, as well as missing a few of the 'human interface' features of the SIII. But: the back's made of freakin' KEVLAR! I'm going to think it over this week and decide if I'm going to keep it or not. The Kevlar feels like braided smooth rubber, which is easy to grip, as well as adding strength and durability to the phone. We'll see!

October 17 - The Sound Of Cylons

We did some interesting things in Grades 4,5 and 6 of my enrichment classes. Some of the projects I remember vividly, like The Hobbit study we did that I've mentioned previously. We also studied some popular songs, classics in their own right: one such was 'The Sound of Silence' by Simon & Garfunkel. At that stage of my life, music was a strange and wonderful thing for me. It was something that I couldn’t produce on my own save for the vaguest attempts on a piano and a flute, neither of which went nowhere despite the valiant efforts of my late grandmother who spent years trying to help my fingers dance on their own but to no avail.

'The Sound of Silence' stuck with me though and I've always loved the many facets of the song. The rhythm, the words and the thoughts that are associated with the melody all speak to me on many levels. That's why I enjoyed the riff on the tune below, which I think my ten-year-old self would also have liked:

I think 'sound' is a good word for today, as the people upstairs spent ALL day moving things around( and OUT, I hope! ), meaning I spent the whole day under headphones - with a headache, to boot. I did get out in the AM for a nice walk to Thrifty's for some healthy foodstuffs, before the rain set in for the rest of the day. It's been raining a LOT here for the last week, which I hope means Mama Nature's getting it out of her system and we'll see some clear, cool days fairly soon.

October 18 - Still Not Working

There's been no news on the job front.

I've applied at a few places, and heard zero back. Not a peep.

With my next few resume`s I am trying to get enough info to target the cover letters, so I can hopefully get a callback from someone. This was covered as 'just part of the process' at WorkBC, as in 'you will send out a LOT of resume`s and get FEW calls back, expect it' but it still stinks. Having a FBook account and a LinkedIn profile will help, but so far they're not paying dividends in terms of leads. Yet.

Just a couple of months to go and my EI's done, which I expected. What I didn't expect was to have ZERO callbacks in the last three months of applications - that's very hard to take.

Looking at freelance work, there's a LOT of competition for writing, with not-so-great pay and LOTS of typing. That's not a road I want to have to depend on for a living, at this stage of my life.

So for now, it's just back to searching with my ear to the ground and getting out there. Someone will bite soon, and I hope it's a keeper…

October 19 - ebay v2.0? 

I used to shop a lot on eBay, back in the day. Finding things I'd forgotten about or trying to find a deal were my two main go-to's for the site, over the years. But things change and after moving to BC, I've visited less and less, to the point where now I go there to find a few things I KNOW I can get at a better price than local shops. Like toner for my printer, or specialized cables of various kinds.

Today ebay announced that they're reinventing themselves and I'm glad to hear it, though not for the reasons you'd think. Sure, ebay wants to keep making a profit and stay in business, but I think they're on the cusp of something new: the release of ownership. Akin to such sites as FreeCycle.com, the concept of owning things becomes moot when your need for them ends, thus necessitating moving them on. This used to mean having a garage sale once a year or just throwing them out, but now sites like eBay allow people to connect with other people who have a need for the things you're no longer using. The best part is that the items aren't wasted AND the people purchasing them usually get them at a discount.

For me, the new ebay will be an interesting place to browse, but I'm no longer a regular shopper. I'm reducing what's taking up space in my home and if I do go back, it will be to sell things, not to buy.

October 20 - Handwriting? What's that?

I'll be the first to admit it: my handwriting is terrible. My letters are cramped, oddly-spaced and inconsistent from one line to the next, wobbling across the page like a drunken alphabet soup. To this day, I'm always correcting and fixing little 'oopsies' whenever I write with a pen, and it bothers me.

But does it matter in this electronic age?

Author Philip Hensher seems to think so. In his book The Missing Ink, he writes:

"Handwriting is what registers our individuality and the mark which our culture has made on us. It is the key to our souls and our innermost nature."

He makes quite a few good points and I recommend reading the full article if you're at all interested in pondering the place handwriting has in our increasingly digital age. For myself, handwriting tends to be the poor stepchild to my electronic post-its, relegated to short to-do lists or notes left on the fridge. I actually can't remember the last time I hand-wrote a letter to anyone.

This past weekend, making the notes on each of the chapters for my critique group, I was again reminded of how awkward my writing is and how much my hand aches as I press the pen like a bludgeon into the page. I have to constantly catch myself to keep the pressure light and not bend the pens as I struggle along with the letters… and I think to myself: when will this all go away? As Hensher says:

"Though it would make no sense to give up the clarity and authority of print which is available to anyone with a keyboard, to continue to diminish the place of the handwritten in our lives is to diminish, in a small but real way, our humanity."

That, I can tell you, will be a day to write about. For good or bad.

October 21 - It WAS free, but…

Yesterday I spent a little while on the phone with Telus, then Rogers. The first was to get my SIII working happily again with the network; as I'd mentioned, it would just 'lose' the ability to see Telus and thus not receive phone calls. After some diagnostics and tweaks today, it seems to be MUCH better!

The call to Rogers was about my new RAZR HD LTE phone, which was supposed to be able to simply take my SIM card from my SIII and work, according to two different Telus reps. Nope. When I put the SIM in, I found to my annoyance that my prize from Motorola is LOCKED - WTH is with that??? So on Monday I'll have to call Motorola and ask them why they send me a contest prize that is LOCKED… that's NOT cool.

While I was out and about this weekend, I had a look at Halloween costumes. Two of them caught my eye, but I wasn't impressed at the prices. Of the two shown above, the 'Dark Prince' with the shiny fake-foam armour was $60+tax and the 'Knight' was only $30… but neither of the costumes were of such materials they'd last beyond one or two nights of wear. For the price, I'd rather just roll my own… and considering that the Cobra Commander costume I desired from last year has SKYROCKETED in price to over $100 anywhere online, I won't be going down THAT nostalgic road anytime soon unless I again make my own, like this guy. He really hit it out of the park:

Maybe I'll just go as a pillowcase ghost this year… or maybe one of these:

Less than a week to go until I see Cloud Atlas at the IMAX and go to a Halloween party - stay tuned!