Listening, Luck and Leaving Loops

The word of the week is perspective.

April 15 - Boston

Today's insanity in Boston just underscores why I don't want to do much traveling to the USA any more.

My family and I used to make regular cross-border trips to Niagara Falls, NY back during the heyday of shopping when the difference in the US-CDN dollar made that worthwhile. Plus, it was fun; long lines of Canadian cars crossed over in flocks to descend on malls and restaurants every weekend.

Now it seems like a different world, since 9/11 - and it is.

The events in Boston underscore the reality that horror can happen anywhere, at any time… but in the USA, there are a LOT of people with lists of grievances, little to lose and a lot of dangerous weapons that are fairly easy to get one's hands on. More and more, I see a gulf opening between life in Canada and life in the States, one widened by cultural beliefs both based in freedom, but different ways of maintaining it. Guns and a police state south of the border, mutual respect and a lack of firearms to the north. I know I'm simplifying things here… but when acts of terror become commonplace things on the news in your country, shouldn't you DO something about it?

April 16 - Friends

After working a long day, I ended up giving good advice all evening.

A friend of mine and I got together to talk about a few things, which turned into an unexpected advice session - with me dispensing said advice, which I think was well-received.

It was surprising, but obviously they needed to talk… and as all of you know, I am THERE for my friends, no questions asked - I know you're all there for me too.

Friendship is often about listening, and that's what I did tonight: I hung on every word and did my very level best to see things as part of a balance and a whole, then give my BRIEF opinion and salt it with some advice I thought they needed to hear for their situation. I've been in a lot of headspaces myself over the years, with all the things that have happened to me, so I hope that I've accrued some decent experience that I can pass on. I think what I did say was helpful, as my friend definitely looked less stressed when we called it an evening; I know I felt better for helping them, which is something I know I can do well when I put my mind to it. In helping, I also help myself - and I KNOW that sounds trite, but when you think about it, if you're giving good advice to another, can't you do the same for yourself?

April 17 - Rare luck

In all the years I've poked around thrift stores, I've found a few deals here and there… but NOTHING like the one someone found this week in the states!

One constant about thrift stores is that you NEVER know what you'll find. The key to scoring a 'find' is consistency and timing: be a regular and find out what times items start to go out on the shelves, so you can get there before most other people start flooding into the place of a day.

Apparently that worked, as the woman in this story found this jewel, still sealed:

It’s worth at least $10,000 USD, if the auction goes well, as previous auctions have. Games like this are exceedingly rare for a reason: most, if not all, were supposed to have been recalled and destroyed, but as always some slipped through the cracks. For those lucky enough to know what they were looking for, such gems are the find of a lifetime!

April 18 - Robots

I came up with an interesting analogy today, using robots, of all things.

For the last while, I've been struggling with a lot of things, trying to find solutions.

It helped today to visualize that struggle as a robot, of all things - the Iron Giant comes to mind. I can relate to the logic that such a construct embodies, as well as the leashed power and the ability to do great things. Such a robot can be said to live inside me, if we're going all metaphorical here, ready to be unleashed on tasks to Get Things Done and Solve Problems.

But what if there's no obvious solution to a problem? What if the robot can't find a clear way to use its talents, but instead languishes, unable to fulfil its perceived purpose?

Well, that's a recipe for frustration, that's for sure. And that's how I've felt for a while now, here and there, for most of 2013 so far - even getting a job didn't alleviate things totally, though it did help a great deal.

No, I've felt stymied, trapped by my own high expectations and a lack of concrete results in my efforts. Want a better job? Learn SQL in 2 weeks and pass a test, or spend 3 months getting a CompTIA+ certificate, then another 6 months applying for tech support jobs while wearing horseshoes. What about those businesses of mine? Discover how to turn an idea into a solid business that will attract clients… somehow, while asking for help without being able to pay for it. Or focus on that novel… nailing down that Third Draft in pieces, sending out letters to Agents, hoping for a break while researching markets and trying to write short stories to sell in said markets.

All of it a lot to carry, even for the strongest Iron Giant.

April 19 - Summer's almost here!

Things around my apartment have been great, of late.

I never hear ANYTHING from the place above - not a peep. It might as well be unoccupied, which is GREAT for getting work done at home during the days or evenings I have off from Staples.

Also,  my neighbour who loves to slam her door told me today she is moving to go back to school, so that little jolt in my day will be gone soon. She's nice, but both she and her family members believe in ensuring a good seal when they close a door, so much so that our hall mirror has been adjusted fairly regularly for months now. Yet we never hear anything else from her, so it's a minor quirk really.

I'm really, really liking the thought of a solid, quiet summer here near the park and close to downtown. With the crazy noise from last year gone, I'm hoping to just ENJOY my place instead of trying to flee it for as long as possible each day. As I've mentioned before, most people have Three Places in their lives: Home, Work and Elsewhere. For me, home was not a refuge, hence the needed 'elsewhere' which turned out to be Moka House, the SkyLounge and at a stretch, my parent's place as needed.

Now, I think I'll enjoy choosing to stay at home some days, to enjoy the quiet. So far, it's marvelous!

April 20 - Thinking

I've been thinking more and more about balance of late.

Universal balance, to be specific.

Those of you who know me fairly well know that I don't ascribe to any sort of belief system, for various reasons. In the main, I try to do right by my friends, family and strangers alike, while maintaining my own ethics, morals and sense of self-worth.

I observe, as many people do, that life is an odd thing and that coincidences do seem to occur when the stats say they shouldn't; this is a good thing, I think.

Earlier, I mentioned perspective. This is important, as one's perspective on life's events can really open one's eyes to how the world around you is shaped by your own needs and desires. I'm not talking about wish-fulfilment here, which would be nice. No, it's about recognizing the little opportunities that come your way each day, appreciating them and acting on the ones you think would best serve you in whatever way you think you need.

Confused yet? Don't be; I'm not sure I understand things myself at this point, but I've been learning a lot over the last year from my observations. I'll make another post about it soon, once I have the language nailed down a bit more clearly, along with my thoughts.

For now: be positive.

April 21 - Promise Kept!

My sour mood evaporated today, all thanks to taxes.

To be specific: I finished doing my parent's taxes today and worked it out so that they didn't have to pay this year, unlike last year. Even better, they will be getting a modest return( and so will I on mine! ).

That news meant that they will, after all, be able to keep their promise to help me go to the Phoenix Comicon this year, only a month away in May 2013!

This has been a dream of mine since last summer, since I first heard that the ENTIRE surviving cast of Babylon 5 will be gathering for the 20th anniversary of the show's premiere:

I'm excited, and exhausted at the same time from the emotional loops I've been going through. For the last few months, it looked as though there was NO WAY I'd be able to afford to go, save hitchhiking across the USA. Now, with today's news, I'm going to be able to book the flights and the hotel room this week for the Memorial Day Weekend in May. It's especially exciting as I know that there will not be another gathering like this again; numerous cast members have passed away unexpectedly in the years since the show ended and I'm just thrilled to be able to see them all together one last time.

I've been working hard all weekend, finishing off editing several chapter critiques to be ready for my novel group tomorrow. As well, I've buried my nose in the SQL book and come up for air every so often, in addition to getting both my parent's and my own tax returns done this weekend. It's been busy and I'm tired as I finish off the blog tonight. I wish I could have booked the flights for my trip before bed, but I have to clear my 'vacation' dates with work tomorrow before I do so, just in case - there's no refunds on the flights, so I don't want to take the chance. For now, I'm VERY tired and heading to bed; the next two days are VERY full ones for me. Toodles!

Stories, Stress and Sequels

The word of the week is reprieve.

April 8 - Short Story Night

Tonight, I was the host of the writers group meeting. The topic: short stories, one of my favorite types of story!

The evening went very well, as I came prepared with a handout as well as copies of one of my Nichneven short stories to pass around( it was my first Nichneven story, as a matter of fact ). There were over a dozen people there and the discussion was very lively, as quite a few are just as enthused about short stories as I was. I received some very positive feedback about my Nichneven story, especially from one woman who said that she doesn't normally read fantasy stories but that she was fascinated by what I had written in that it conveyed so much useful information without resorting to exposition AND that I had layered in subtle humor throughout that set off the rest of the story elements perfectly. That feedback right there told me I had done exactly the right thing when I first wrote the story and felt it flow almost complete onto the page in the first try. That sort of connection between my writer's mind and my subconscious is what I have striven to attain each time I sit down to write and I use 'The Nighthunter' story as my benchmark for what I can achieve when I'm in the right frame of mind.

Going home that night, I was enthused all over again about writing for a living. The research that I've done for tonight's meeting confirmed once again that I should focus on creating short stories for the next few months or year, while I continue to improve my novel with the feedback from my critique group and see about marketing it to an agent.

Definitely a good day and one of many more such days to come.

April 9 - Smooth Sailing… rocks?

There are many mysteries out there.

Some involve rocks.

Such is the case of the 'racetrack rocks' of Death Valley. These rocks, some weighing hundreds of pounds, have left long trails in the sediment of the dry lakebed where they are found. No tracks of man or animal have been found anywhere nearby, yet these rocks still get moved - somehow. I like to think that some unusual force is acting on them, something we don't yet understand… and it's these mysteries that keep us going, spinning stories and working to grasp a little more about how the universe works.

Plus, they're just darn cool-looking rocks - with tracks!

April 10 - Stress? Not at work!

Things are going well at work, despite them forgetting to pay me for the two days I spent last week training at home.

I'll work that out with them this week, but it's a minor hiccup; I've already fit in well with the whole team and in the main, I'm enjoying my job. Surprisingly, I'm fairly self-directing for a good part of my days: since I'm not on the technology side, 'all' that I am doing is ensuring the store is neat and stocked. I'll admit it's hardly full use of my talents, but it does keep me busy, along with ensuring that I run up to assist at cash when it gets busy( about every ten minutes; they're obsessive about Not Waiting In Line )and generally completing one or two main tasks in a shift. If I ALREADY have some tasks in mind ahead of time, the managers seem to like that even better, so I can basically structure my own day according to the needs of the store. It's also good that I'm showing that I'm paying attention to the needs of the store, but you'd expect that with someone of my experience and skills… right?

All in all, I've yet to wake up not wanting to go into work, for any reason. Sure, it's not paying me a whole lot, but what would a stress-free work day be worth to you?

April 11 - Inward Habits

One thing I do know about myself is that I have an active inner life; I tend to focus inwardly when I'm busy and some things go by the wayside when that happens.

Case in point: I realized today that it's been weeks and weeks since I've done a few things that I normally do regularly, such as visiting a few favorite websites of mine like io9.com or Lifehacker. I used to visit these sites daily, gleaning news and tips from all over the world that I would file away under various bookmarks… but never really get back to visit any of them save for the occasional blog post or writing tip.

It's strange, but sometimes I find that the act of searching for the new or different ways of improving one's life isn't really necessary at all. Constantly staying on the edge of the news - whatever you're interested in - or trying to find the next best way to tie your shoe can eventually lead you down the rabbit hole so far that you forget what you originally went in there looking for. My mind is full of unique things, correlations between thoughts and memories that are uniquely my own, so when I bookmark something it's more to note that I've been there and maybe come back to visit eventually rather than to utilize the method or bit of news immediately in my life.

You can only tie your shoe one method at a time, after all

April 12 - Reprieve

I have to say, today I was feeling rather pressured - from two directions, no less.

The first has to do with learning SQL, which I've been struggling with for the last few weeks. It's not sticking and I'm finding it frustrating to try and adjust my thinking enough to see the logic of the language's structure. The SQL for Dummies book takes a sharp learning curve upwards after about page 40 and it only gets more difficult from there.

And how is this related to pressure? 

This afternoon, I received a phone call from my friend who said he needed my resume sent to him ASAP by email, as his boss was very interested in having me in for an interview - would I be ready this coming week? I said I would try my best and get back to him, then hung up the phone and glared at the SQL book before diving back into it for a few hours. My friend called again as he was leaving work and told me some news: it would now be a few weeks before I needed to think about an interview, as the HR manager had just confirmed she was leaving on vacation on Monday. So, as she would be the one doing the interview, I now had several more weeks to pound SQL into the corners of my brain - a nice reprieve and I mean to use the time wisely. From what my friend has told me, the job will be about 20% SQL and the rest will be investigative work, mostly learning on the job with proprietary software / GUI, which I can definitely do. The hard part is just going to be learning the SQL so that I can pass their tests.

What was the second pressure, you ask? Completing my group critiques for Monday as well; I had two chapters still left to finish for my critique group meeting. Fortunately, my writer friend in the same phone call told me that we had to delay the meeting by a week as one of the members was still unwell. Again, this worked out well in giving me some more time to devote to doing a proper edit of my fellow authors works and not feeling rushed while tired.

As it stands right now, I only have three shifts this coming week and so the rest of my time will be devoted towards learning SQL, finishing my critique at its, working on my two businesses and getting some writing done. Oh and in there somewhere I'll be organizing my apartment, as I've sent three book shelves along with their contents to be stored at my parents place in their new and very spacious den. This frees up a lot of space in my apartment and though I have to do some organizing, I think it's a very positive thing; I just haven't been reading much in the last year as I'm focusing on the creative side of things instead of filling up my mind with more things… I already have more than enough up there to fuel a few dozen novels, so I'm not feeling the lack right now.

April 13 - Space Battleship Yamato 2199!!

All right, all right; by now you  must know that I LOVE Space Battleship Yamato - Star Blazers to those of you who saw it on television decades ago.

Well, as the old saying goes: what's old is new again and in the case of SBY, there's a new animated series coming called Space Battleship Yamato 2199. Yes, it's a reboot but done very closely along the lines of the original with a few tweaks, which makes me giddy with happiness as I simply love the original series. The decision to stick with the solid story, characters and overall design philosophy means that for me, it's going to be like watching the original show again for the first time. That makes me very very very very happy and I can't wait to get a copy of the series, even if it's dubbed in English. Watching the video below gave me the same feeling I got when I first saw the show 30 years ago; even the hairs on the back of my neck rose!

April 14 - Time

There was some odd weather this week here, including some hail and quite a lot of rain in large concentrated doses - so much so that I had to go out and purchase some covers for my shoes so that I wouldn't arrive at work with soaked feet after cycling in the rain.

Today was not such a day however; it was crisp and sunny in the morning and again in the evening when I headed back home from work. I find that after having cycled an average of 8 km daily for the last few months that my main challenge is not trying to fight the wind to maintain my speed so much that I arrive in a sweat underneath all my waterproof gear. Unfortunately, the prevailing wind tends to flow from the south, which is the direction I have to ride home; not easy after a long day with little energy left.

I was enthused though, when I arrived home as we were watching the second season finale of Game of Thrones! I've been looking forward to this for a few weeks now, having watched the season on and off for a few months now with my sister; our schedules haven't meshed enough for regular viewing on even a weekly basis. Without spoiling anything, I have to say that the finale was very well done in most every aspect and left me wanting to see the third season all the more. If I can find the time, I will pick up the books from one of the used bookstores downtown this week and make a start at least in reading up to the point where the third season begins - I realize there's a ton of detail that's been left out of the TV series and I'm itching to find out what's not been shown on the screen.

When I get the time, that is.

This week's blog was created in just a few hours, well before midnight. Unlike a lot of posts from years past, I'm mainly writing it entirely in one evening, with only a few snippets from my week already written down to guide me. I find that using the voice dictation software has allowed me to write in a much more free-form manner, which gives my posts a much more natural flow that I find I like.

Perceptions, Programming and Pollution

The word of the week is renewal.

April 1 - Foolish

Most of today went by in a blur at work.

So it wasn't until the evening that I realized that the entire day had gone by and I hadn't seen hide nor hair of any jokes whatsoever.

Is April Fool's Day dead?

Do you or anybody you know still keep the tradition of the day alive? Does anyone out there even know the origins of April Fools' Day? I do, but I wonder if one of the reasons that people don't seem to care much about keeping it alive, though I have to say that if it means that if you are cruel jokes are played on people then I won't be too sad to see it gone.

What do you think?

April 2 - SQL?

Right now there's a yellow book sitting on my coffee table, glaring at me.

It's a copy of 'SQL For Dummies' and I'm only a little way through it but already I am rather intimidated.

The reason I'm reading this book is because a member of my writing group thinks that I'd be perfect for a position they're looking to hire for. Said position's requirements include logical thinking, the ability to analyze things thoroughly and of course being able to understand SQL - I have two of those three, you see.

I'm not a programmer, I'm a writer and there's a world of difference between the two. I could barely make Telly Turtle make a pattern on the screen back when we were programming the ancient UNIX machines in high school. C++ code is beyond me, but I do have hope that I'll be able to get my brain around SQL as it's an English-based language designed to deal with databases. At this point, that's all I really know and I've been struggling to get my head around the simple terminology that the book starts out with - but I like a challenge and this one comes with the reward of a steady, well-paying job.

Talk to me again in a few weeks and will see where I'm at with SQL.

April 3 - Renewal

The last three days have been very bad ones for me.

A lot of things came to a head this past weekend with family and personal matters, so much so that it all overwhelmed me. Normally I have the ability to deal with major issues but these past few days left me feeling almost literally stunned: it felt like I had a 5-foot distance from everything around me and I was walking in a bubble. When I went out to shop today, I distinctly recall getting an odd look from the cashier as she gave me back my change and wished me a good day; she looked uncertain as to whether she should or not and uncertain as to what I would say. Given the 'bubble effect' that I was experiencing, I still plainly recall wishing her a nice day as well and heading home, wondering what expression was on my face that was different from what I thought was there - that's an odd feeling, too.

But tonight my ship rebalanced myself, taking me back from the edge of capsizing, thanks in part to my sister and in part to my own inner core of confidence, self and sheer stubborn willpower. The little voice inside my head that chuckles at the notion that things will improve spoke up after being absent for the last little while and I listened with a careful ear once again.

Progress.

April 4 - Firefox and Me

Firefox used to be my friend, but we've parted ways this year.

Sure, that sounds strange, but I've been using Firefox for a decade now and it's been my go-to browser of choice for its flexibility and cutting-edge features.

Unfortunately, sometimes I cutting-edge can cause you some grief and that seems to be what's happened yet again with Firefox on my system. It continues to crash consistently every time I run it for more than 5 minutes, sometimes even mere seconds after I start it.

Why is this important? Well, I used to look things up during the week and leave their tabs open for me to refer back to when I was writing my blog. Not anymore, thanks to the crashes. Now I leave a note here and there about what I might want to cover in the blog and don't refer to the things I found via the web using Firefox. Sure, it's a little disappointing but that's why have more than one browser installed on my computer: to be flexible just in case things like this happen.

Eventually I'll manage to figure out what's wrong with Firefox but for now it slumbers on my system. I already miss it but there's not much I can do until I work out what's the matter.

April 5 - Light Pollution

I'm not an astronomer, but I do like the night sky - full of stars, mind you.

Most nights, I can't see any but the brightest stars in the sky above; living in urban areas for most of my life has meant that it's been very rare that I've seen the sky as it is in full dark.

The sad thing is, most people in North America, Europe and other industrial areas of the world see the same thing: sky obscured by light pollution.

For most people, this is such a small issue compared to so many of the things we have to worry about that it usually doesn't make it onto their radar. That's a shame, as there's more than a few good reasons to ensure that we aren't wasting things these days, including outdoor lighting.

There's an organization in the UK that sprung up to try and raise awareness about light pollution across the world: Need-Less.Org.UK is their site. It's worth noting that they have a simple message and start out by saying that it's quite true that few people really give thought to the issue, which is refreshing.

As for me, I just want to be able to take up astronomy without having to travel for hours to get away from urban areas; I think that's why I never really seriously pursued stargazing, which is a shame.

April 6 - A Real Tricorder?

I thought I had already posted about this years ago; apparently not!

Ever since Star Trek hit the airwaves back in the 1960s, the word 'tricorder' has been with us. It's been the dream of many to make a real tricorder and we've seen quite a few things that Star Trek first proposed on television come to pass in reality( see How William Shatner Changed The World ).

Yet a working tricorder has eluded being created, until Peter Jansen decided to tackle it.

He recently had a great interview over at Tested.com, where he talks about the FOUR tricorders he's built in the last few years, Mark I through Mark IV. These are all cutting-edge, high-tech devices that replicate most of the functions of the tricorder we all know from television, even down to the visuals and sounds. Check out the video below and be amazed at how one man has made fiction into reality:

April 7 - What hours?

It was a short shift today at work, which was nice as it was very busy.

Right now I seem to be in flux when it comes to schedules, as shown by this week having me on for a total of 13 hours split among three days - kind of lucky, eh? A catch-as-can attitude seems to be the prevailing one when it comes to designing the schedule and that means that I have to keep my days open in case they want to call me in to work. As it stands right now, I've been told I'm working tomorrow and will likely have to keep checking each day to see if they want me to come in again on the following one. Seeing as I have over a month to go until my 90-day probationary period is over, I'll just have to wing it day to day and week to week until I'm finally fully-trained and able to be scheduled with full-time hours. 

I have to say that I'm really enjoying working with everyone there, including all the managers, and that the overall attitude of the location is very positive. The sheer busyness of each day means that there's not very much time at all for one to socialize with one's coworkers; a few minutes a day seems to be the norm to catch up on how other people are doing.

I'm tired... this week took a LOT out of me, between my mental and physical states. I'm hoping that this coming week will let me have a more balanced experience, where I can get things DONE instead of having to deal with other... stuff.

Ships, Space and SQL

The word of the week is pernicious.

March 25 - Job Satisfaction

Work's been going very well, I have to say. It has its moments, but in general I've been enjoying it more than any of my previous jobs, which is saying a lot.

One benefit of their training system is that you can do a lot of it online and from home. So that's what I did for two full days this week: I logged in and worked my way through a lot of training modules, getting paid to do so which was really refreshing. Sure, a lot of the material was just common sense, but quickly learning the procedures of the company is the best way to avoid stress when it's busiest on-shift.

I should be moving into the technology sales side of things within a few weeks, if all goes well, which it should given the feedback I've been receiving so far. I think that everyone there is glad that I don't need a lot of handholding due to my previous experience with Office Depot and that I'm flexible enough to work all areas of the store under my own supervision for the most part. I think that's been the most surprising part of the job: I know what I'm doing and it shows, as I'm not being micromanaged while I use my best judgment to get things done.

I'm pretty good at that.

March 26 - Relationships are like ships

One thing I've never had is a solid relationship.

While disappointing, what that means to me is that I've not yet found the right person… or I haven't been ready for that kind of relationship. Heavy stuff, that sort of thinking.

I'm not the sort of individual who defines myself by the attachment to or from the validation of another person; I'm pretty self-contained and that served me well over the years.

Yet at a certain point in life, one can't help but wonder about how appealing you are to others in relationship terms. Validation often rears its ugly head at this point, whispering vicious things into the ears of your subconscious about how perhaps all the things you think are great about yourself really don't matter much when it comes to relationships.

For me, I've often wondered why so few people have taken an interest in me over the years and why none of the people I've shown interest in have returned it. That's a rabbit hole you can disappear down into very easily and I've held back from that sort of speculation, knowing that I can do better than ruminate on what-if's; relationships are slippery slope if you're walking it alone. Being the person I am, I know that I'm a solid sort, that I was raised right and that I have a lot to offer to the right person.

When, not if, that happens, the whole different world should open up to me. Until then, I have to make the world I'm in the best I can while staying myself; one thing I do know is that I won't change myself for someone else just to try to be more appealing. It's tempting, but if you go down that road, then how do you know that they were interested in the real you in the first place?

Like I said: I'll stay out of the rabbit hole and walk my own path, wherever that leads. Maybe it will lead here, a bond that few could argue the strength of:

March 27 - Space Dreams

From the time I was just a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut.

But it wasn't meant to be; mathematics is a big part of becoming one of the few who can fly in space and I never got along with numbers. Words are much better friends to me and while I regret someone not being able to go into space, I can create all the worlds I need in my imagination.

Being an astronaut is still cool, though. Earlier in January 2013, Chris Hadfield has become quite the media darling for his tweets from space that have included a conversation with William Shatner: one space commander to another, so to speak.

Today, Commander Hadfield had another conversation with a woman in Niagara-on-the-Lake, a small town near my own hometown back in Ontario. He called to speak to her during her birthday party, held at her request to celebrate her life while she battles cancer. Elizabeth Peters chatted with Cmdr. Hadfield for a while about various things and in doing so showed just how incredible our world is that someone orbiting our planet was able to take the time to connect with another Canadian. For that reason alone I'll always be an astronaut at heart.

March 28 - SQL ?

Last week, one of the members of my writing group told me about a job. A good example of networking, almost literally!

He seems to think that I have the right qualities to work at his company as a program tester, as long as I can get my head around the basics of the database programming language they use: SQL.

It's not a piece of cake, I have to say. I'm not a programmer; see my entry above about how well I get along with numbers. However, it's a better paying job than the one I'm in at Staples and while all the job's details aren't clear to me quite yet, I can always use more money coming in each month. 

So this weekend I've cuddled up to a copy of SQL For Dummies to try to understand the basics of what the SQL language is all about. It's been rather difficult and I'll definitely need the rest of the week to get through the book before I even attempt my first shots at using what I've learned. My friend was thoughtful enough to provide me with a basic FAQ / questionnaire about SQL containing samples of the kinds of questions I'd have to be answering on a daily basis.

I have to admit I'm a little intimidated, but the chance to almost double my rate of pay has allowed me to cudgel my brain into accepting that learning SQL is worth the headache-inducing reading that I've done so far.

Wish me luck.

March 29 - Had a bad day

Today was a bad day for me.

There's still been a lot of stress bearing down on me, even though my landing a job has made it less of a mountain and more of a very large hill.

My mind tends to want solutions and won't stop until it finds them, no matter what the situation or problem. I've been staggering along  for so long carrying so much on my shoulders that on days like today, I can't see when it will stop and I can just get going again.

The lovely long weekend weather today helped to break my doldrums, as I made a point of sitting outside for a few hours on the patio at Moka House to soak up the sun. The bleak future of the next five years seemed less so once I kept repeating positive mantras to myself, while reminding my brain that I've come a long way in the last 20 years in many areas and that I have a lot to be thankful for.

Sure, I could list half a hundred things that I've liked to have had turned out differently, but that's nonproductive. Sitting there in the sun, I breathed in the fresh air and told myself that I was luckier than most to be where I was and who I was today. Success isn't measured solely in money or in comparing yourself to others; success is when you can look yourself in the eye and give yourself a nod of respect for what you've accomplished.

I did that when I got home today and it felt good. Soon enough, it will feel great.

March 30 - Moving Day Exemption

My parents moved into their new place today over in Cadboro Bay and for the first time ever, I was exempt from helping with the family move.

I have still been feeling the effects of my brief flirtation with running from two weeks past. My knee joints still ache and my right knee has been particularly painful, especially on the top of the kneecap. I've been using some medicated gel my doctor prescribed for me and while it has helped, I have only seen improvement in that it no longer hurts just to walk down the street; anymore running is still dependent on if the pain goes away soon and if I can find out why it began in the first place.

All that meant was that today I would have been of little use in carrying her moving things, despite having regained general use of my arms as my tendinitis has regressed, thankfully. It's ironic that it was a year ago this month that I injured my arms and now a year later my knees are giving me trouble. Other people can play video games and run along the sidewalk just fine; why can't I? Maybe I should just be a Viking, they're tough:

In any case, the new place my parents found is lovely: it's a large condo with plenty of room for them and all their stuff, located in a quiet building with quiet neighbors and not too far from Victoria. They even have a very spacious den into which I'll be moving most of my book collection for safekeeping, as I really don't have the room here and quite honestly I haven't been reading much in the last year. Being able to store my books along with a few other things somewhere that's not subject to damp or other dangers to paper is a big relief to me. I'm glad that they found such a nice place, as it's exactly the sort of condo  that I've been working so hard these past years to get them into so they can enjoy their retirement years… and so I can look to my own needs, as I've said before.

Plus, I can use the occasional visit as an excuse to 'rediscover' my books. How nice is that?

March 31 - Mental Games

Switching mental gears here, I'm not going to talk about Game Of Thrones.

Sure, I could: today's the premiere of the third season of the show and I happen to be really into it. But seeing as I have yet to finish watching the second season with my sister, you'll forgive me if I don't want to talk about it - at least not yet.

Instead, I'll mention a bit about The Mentalist.

For those of you haven't seen the show, it's a crime drama with the neat twist similar to my other fave crime drama: Castle. In The Mentalist, the 'outsider' member of the team is a man named Jane( shades of Firefly, anyone? )with unique abilities enabling him to see connections and read people like nobody else. He doesn't claim to have any sort of supernatural or actual psychic abilities but his powers of observation and insight are incredible, which I find appealing. I also really enjoy the fact that he often wears a smile indicating he knows something that nobody else does and finds it amusing without being overbearing or aloof. Simon Baker, the actor who plays the character of Patrick Jane, is perfect for the role and exudes a calm confidence that lends incredible weight to his believability and convictions in his insights.

While I haven't seen all that many episodes, my parents have been ardent watchers of The Mentalist and collected the last three seasons on DVD. I don't find that I have a lot of TV habits in common with my parents but I'm pleased to say that they're watching a solid show, right along with their regular viewing of Castle - who wouldn't want to watch a show where a writer is the star?

This week's blog was both difficult and easy to write; I simply turned on the microphone and let my thoughts out onto the page, which was fulfilling and I put a lot out on the page. Last few months have been a yo-yo ride in many ways for me, was a lot of what I'm feeling and thinking not making it onto the blog as it would just be counterproductive and quite honestly not worth reading. I tend to work things through inside the comfort of my own head but I'm finding that nowadays I have to talk here and there to friends or family just to get a sense of balance of where I'm heading, which is only natural. It's all new territory to me this year, in many ways and this blog helps me see where I've been so I can walk more steadily towards where you need to be going.