This week finds me dragging a little, as some small foibles start to add up to become bothersome interludes. Still. If you didn't see last week's photo slideshow( Nov. 16th entry ) about Fall here in Victoria, go have a look.
Nov 17th - The Business of Existing
The phrase "There's never enough time in a day" seems to mean many different things to many different people, to use another well-worn cliche.
For some, getting through each day is a small miracle, a wonder that they made it through to another sunset and live in hope of seeing another sunrise, that their illness or poverty or other problems will relent for another day, giving them some peace from their personal burdens.
Choice is there too: choosing to live as you will, the decisions adding up over years to dig your path through the dark woods of the unknown future. Some choose family, marrying their first sweethearts and defining their lives by the creation and rearing of new ones, hopefully in ways that turn children into stable, wonderful people that are a credit to their parents. Others choose careers, perhaps with family as a stable influence on their never-ending climb to the top of their profession. Still more, many more, deal with life as it comes, often getting lost in the blizzard of bills, commitments, accidents, joys and sorrows that fly at us from all directions as we try to make sense of it all.
Daily life, all the little things that pass us by, large and small, are the ticks of the clock. Ever-forward, with fond glances back at what was, things remembered with a golden glow seen through the ever-more opague window of the past.
Yet what does it all mean?
Bhuddist monks spend their lives contemplating existence. Military personnel give their lives in the performance of their duty. Politicians spend their lives getting others to believe what they say, for good or ill. Doctors heal wounds physical, while lawyers bandage other wounds with words and money. All professions, all choices made, even the choice of not resisting what life pushes in front of you.
Meaning is what we bring to our lives, the interpretations we put on what we experience. As the expression goes, sometimes the glass is half-full, other times half-empty... and sometimes the glass breaks. How you deal with your own interpretations gives meaning to them, and shows your mettle to others... for some, this is important, but for other people, what other people think is the last thing they care about, sometimes for unselfish and purely personal reasons.
What you do, how you exist, how you find your place in the puzzle of life, is your business. Judging others by your own standards may help you find your place, but you should always keep in mind that your standards often cannot apply to others - they have their own path to make through the woods.
This brings me back to my own situation, far away from my other existence in Niagara. It is startlingly similar in some ways though, as I have come to realize. The loss of friends, of family, of places, of pets and jobs and things all tumble one around in life, nudging or tossing you in new directions. The same applies to new jobs, new friends, new places... the old fades and the new glides into the empty space of loss. Friends who are no longer in touch, old loves lost, old jobs remembered for the funny and not the frustration of the day to day grind. People who have changed, grown distant with time and other commitments, taking us away from each other though we try, failingly, to stay in touch.
I suppose that is what bothers me, that things cannot stay the same, no matter how much we want them to. When friends become aquiantances, then just names on cards sent at christmas or birthdays... that saddens me sometimes. To know that our choices have separated us after long years together, for good or bad, and that to see each other again is to see in their eyes the distance that those choices have put between us. A distance bridged, for a time, with shared stories and laughter, to bring with us when we must part once more to return to the separate lives that our choices have become.
Nov 18th - Sleepless Near Seattle
I was awake tonight, far into the morning, for no reason I could disern. The quiet hours ticked on, while I lay sleepless, the red glow of the clock shouting silently that I should be dreaming.
It was as through I was a spectator to my own thoughts, watching them chase each other around the room in the dark but unable to see them clearly. My subconscious mind was obviously in high gear, but my conscious mind would not just shut it out and sleep. Damned annoying, to know that there are things bothering me on some level, but that I cannot bring to the fore... and so lose sleep over them.
Plus, it didn't help that the garbage truck made its usual early arrival at 7:10am... or that an hour before that, I received yet another "Uknown Call" to my 935-Niagara line. Which is frustrating, since you'd think that with all of today's modern CID tech, you could trace most every call... but when it shows up as all 0000's there is little anyone can do, especially on a VOIP line. Apart from trying to initiate a police trace, I cannot think of anything I can do to find out who's trying to sell me shoes at 6am PST... likely from a 9am autodialer in Ontario, or somewhere out east. Since I am on the National DoNotCall list, and the jerks don't leave a msg, I am just going to have to wait and see... and lose
sleep.
Ah well. At times like these, I think about how cool it would be to have a TARDIS... here's a look at the 45 Coolest Moments in Doctor Who history.
Nov 19th - Snappy TV
A long, long day... I ended up working 10 hours, due to two last-minute customers with large, complicated transactions. I really hate the part of human nature that makes people wait until just the last moment to really screw up someone else's day - combined with the other after-closing tasks that I had to get done, I was really tired by the time I cycled home in the cool mist.
Safely at home once more, I watched S:AAB ep 'Hostile Visit' which had a moment in it. On the eve of a suicide mission, one of the characters mentions the date... November 19th, today! I guess it's a 1 in 365 chance, or similar odds, but it still snapped me to hear it. The character talked about how she had fallen in love with Autumn, all the romance of the slight chill in the air, and how she would never see it again.
I was reading some of the SG: Atlantis production blogs, which are rather interesting for the insight( if slight )they give into the world of TV production. All the more interesting for that it takes place in Vancouver, which is not as far away as it was from Niagara - day-trip distant, in fact. Again, too bad both series are now over with, although SG: Universe is in the works, showing that the franchise has life left in it yet.
Nov 20th - Um, your hat...!
A promised windstorm never materialized today, despite some nasty-looking dark clouds that swooped in from the west. The rain was heavy, on an off, in that peculiar passing way that happens here in Victoria: pours for ten minutes, then light sprinkles for the same, then repeat. Nothing like the hours-long soakings I am used to from Niagara, or even the brief deluges that soaked me in Florida. I still remember a vast, dark cloud crossing the sky when I was living in Fonthill, a black wedge that reminded me of nothing other than a Star Destroyer moving against the lighter clouds around it. Yeesh.
One of the last customers of the day provided some entertainment: a solid construction worker, he came in shaking the rain from his jacket... and trailing smoke from his hat! I waited a beat, then said with a straight face a phrase I never thought I would utter: "Umm... you know your hat is on fire, right?" He said something colourful and then reached up to swat at his right ear... dislodging a still-burning cigarette and crushing down his briefly-smouldering ballcap. Apparently he had not quite pinched-out his cigarette before tucking it behind his ear and entering the store, so it had started to burn his hat! Luckily only a few seconds had passed, and his hat was wet from the rain... otherwise, he might have had a really bad evening. I'd not want to be the first person in MMart history to lose a customer due to a flaming hat...
Nov 21st - Economics
Mulling over the current economic downturn, I was perusing the 'net for opinions, articles and general thoughts about how things are going to go for the next six months. With the downturn affecting consumer spending, retailers are holding their breath for the next thirty days to see if wallets will open.
DollarStretcher.com recently posted an article about how the market downturn is affecting people's retirement plans. The article is interesting as it looks at various life stages of investors, from people just starting out fresh from university, to middle-career folk, to those already retired and watching their plans being jumbled by the economic uncertainty. Though it is not nearly as bad as the Great Depression( what was so great about it, anyway? )... from the people I have talked to who lived through it, the gist is that if you haven't lost everything and need to stand in line for days to apply for a job, then things aren't as bad as they were back then. At least every guy wore a decent hat and shoes.
Myself, I have migrated to a low-key holiday season... the days of ripping open presents under a tree are long past for me, save reminiscing over old and faded photos. I enjoy the holidays now more for their good cheer than anything else, though that's hard to muster when shoulder-to-shoulder with crowds in a shopping mall - hence my plan to avoid most such places evenings and weekends in December. I might enjoy the holiday music piped in as well, with less exposure to it; one can only hear "Jingle Bells" so many times before it becomes grating on the ear with false cheer.
Nov 22 - Overtime Saturday
The morning dawn'd bright and clear, though clouds lurking on the horizon shook their fists at the sun as they blurred across that firey disk from time to time. Much better than a gray, flat ceiling of clouds, glowing in one spot as the sun tries to burn its way through to smile on the earth below. Yep.
I worked an extra shift today at our Colwood store, which brought back some memories of Welland Ave in Niagara, where most every store, including Welland Ave, had a Timmy's nearby. In matter of fact, Colwood has the best setup I have seen: literally steps from the door, there is a Tim Horton's, and a few steps the other way is a Wendy's. Not that I eat out all that much anymore, but it pained me, almost literally, to see that the Bacon Mushroom Melt was back at Wendy's after a two-year absence... must be that time of year again - loved that sandwich. Though my coworkers back at Office Place asked me NOT to have it for lunch when I was working, as it tended to... disagree... with my digestion. But it tasted so GOOD. *sigh* Now that I have the gallbladder issues, beef has been off the menu for some years now, so I have made do with Chicken Grills, as well as enjoying soups from Timmy's such as Potato Bacon: now THAT is a satisfying meal.
Nov 23 - Cow Bay
Took a road trip today up to Cowichan Bay to celebrate my dad's upcoming birthday, he's turning sixty one... glad to see he has been retired for ten years already, and not the other way around, to be still waiting for retirement.
It was a scenic ride, as the weather cooperated and the clouds stayed away. We traveled up the Malahat Drive, hugging the mountainsides and taking in the great views across the Saanich Inlet - there are a few scenic outlooks along the way that are simply breathtaking; mere words cannot describe the sweep of the forested hills, the deep blue of the waters or the pearlescent snow-topped glow of Mt. Baker far to the east. The smell of dead fish when we passed Goldstream park was very strong, even with the vents off... I am not sure when that will end; hopefully after Christmas.
We had lunch at the Oceanfront Grand Resort & Marina, which is renowned on the island for its amazing Sunday buffet. It reminded me in a way of the Beacon Harbourside Hotel in Jordan, which my family used to head to on occasion for their Sunday buffet... which I recall as being rather limited, but they had lots of pancakes. We used to travel all over to check out new places for Sunday buffets, even up to Hamilton a few times, though most of the restaurants we went to are long since gone - anyone remember the old Julio's on Ontario St., where Jack Astor's is now?
The evening vanished in the usual blur of catch-up, as I juggled laundry loads with cleaning, to get things done so I can enjoy my total day-off tomorrow. Supposed to be bright and sunny, albeit chilly, so I may decide to take a walk around the block or to Cook St. Village, though doing so by myself really stinks sometimes... I can think just as well at home here, where it is warmer and less likely to rain on me indoors. MUCH less likely. Not that I mind the rain, when it could be snow... *smiles*
No spiders this week; the closed windows and scattered chestnuts around the apartment seem to have put paid to their nocturnal ramblings. Which is nice, as they don't pay any portion of the rent, the sods.
Nov 17th - The Business of Existing
The phrase "There's never enough time in a day" seems to mean many different things to many different people, to use another well-worn cliche.
For some, getting through each day is a small miracle, a wonder that they made it through to another sunset and live in hope of seeing another sunrise, that their illness or poverty or other problems will relent for another day, giving them some peace from their personal burdens.
Choice is there too: choosing to live as you will, the decisions adding up over years to dig your path through the dark woods of the unknown future. Some choose family, marrying their first sweethearts and defining their lives by the creation and rearing of new ones, hopefully in ways that turn children into stable, wonderful people that are a credit to their parents. Others choose careers, perhaps with family as a stable influence on their never-ending climb to the top of their profession. Still more, many more, deal with life as it comes, often getting lost in the blizzard of bills, commitments, accidents, joys and sorrows that fly at us from all directions as we try to make sense of it all.
Daily life, all the little things that pass us by, large and small, are the ticks of the clock. Ever-forward, with fond glances back at what was, things remembered with a golden glow seen through the ever-more opague window of the past.
Yet what does it all mean?
Bhuddist monks spend their lives contemplating existence. Military personnel give their lives in the performance of their duty. Politicians spend their lives getting others to believe what they say, for good or ill. Doctors heal wounds physical, while lawyers bandage other wounds with words and money. All professions, all choices made, even the choice of not resisting what life pushes in front of you.
Meaning is what we bring to our lives, the interpretations we put on what we experience. As the expression goes, sometimes the glass is half-full, other times half-empty... and sometimes the glass breaks. How you deal with your own interpretations gives meaning to them, and shows your mettle to others... for some, this is important, but for other people, what other people think is the last thing they care about, sometimes for unselfish and purely personal reasons.
What you do, how you exist, how you find your place in the puzzle of life, is your business. Judging others by your own standards may help you find your place, but you should always keep in mind that your standards often cannot apply to others - they have their own path to make through the woods.
This brings me back to my own situation, far away from my other existence in Niagara. It is startlingly similar in some ways though, as I have come to realize. The loss of friends, of family, of places, of pets and jobs and things all tumble one around in life, nudging or tossing you in new directions. The same applies to new jobs, new friends, new places... the old fades and the new glides into the empty space of loss. Friends who are no longer in touch, old loves lost, old jobs remembered for the funny and not the frustration of the day to day grind. People who have changed, grown distant with time and other commitments, taking us away from each other though we try, failingly, to stay in touch.
I suppose that is what bothers me, that things cannot stay the same, no matter how much we want them to. When friends become aquiantances, then just names on cards sent at christmas or birthdays... that saddens me sometimes. To know that our choices have separated us after long years together, for good or bad, and that to see each other again is to see in their eyes the distance that those choices have put between us. A distance bridged, for a time, with shared stories and laughter, to bring with us when we must part once more to return to the separate lives that our choices have become.
Nov 18th - Sleepless Near Seattle
I was awake tonight, far into the morning, for no reason I could disern. The quiet hours ticked on, while I lay sleepless, the red glow of the clock shouting silently that I should be dreaming.
It was as through I was a spectator to my own thoughts, watching them chase each other around the room in the dark but unable to see them clearly. My subconscious mind was obviously in high gear, but my conscious mind would not just shut it out and sleep. Damned annoying, to know that there are things bothering me on some level, but that I cannot bring to the fore... and so lose sleep over them.
Plus, it didn't help that the garbage truck made its usual early arrival at 7:10am... or that an hour before that, I received yet another "Uknown Call" to my 935-Niagara line. Which is frustrating, since you'd think that with all of today's modern CID tech, you could trace most every call... but when it shows up as all 0000's there is little anyone can do, especially on a VOIP line. Apart from trying to initiate a police trace, I cannot think of anything I can do to find out who's trying to sell me shoes at 6am PST... likely from a 9am autodialer in Ontario, or somewhere out east. Since I am on the National DoNotCall list, and the jerks don't leave a msg, I am just going to have to wait and see... and lose
sleep.
Ah well. At times like these, I think about how cool it would be to have a TARDIS... here's a look at the 45 Coolest Moments in Doctor Who history.
Nov 19th - Snappy TV
A long, long day... I ended up working 10 hours, due to two last-minute customers with large, complicated transactions. I really hate the part of human nature that makes people wait until just the last moment to really screw up someone else's day - combined with the other after-closing tasks that I had to get done, I was really tired by the time I cycled home in the cool mist.
Safely at home once more, I watched S:AAB ep 'Hostile Visit' which had a moment in it. On the eve of a suicide mission, one of the characters mentions the date... November 19th, today! I guess it's a 1 in 365 chance, or similar odds, but it still snapped me to hear it. The character talked about how she had fallen in love with Autumn, all the romance of the slight chill in the air, and how she would never see it again.
I was reading some of the SG: Atlantis production blogs, which are rather interesting for the insight( if slight )they give into the world of TV production. All the more interesting for that it takes place in Vancouver, which is not as far away as it was from Niagara - day-trip distant, in fact. Again, too bad both series are now over with, although SG: Universe is in the works, showing that the franchise has life left in it yet.
Nov 20th - Um, your hat...!
A promised windstorm never materialized today, despite some nasty-looking dark clouds that swooped in from the west. The rain was heavy, on an off, in that peculiar passing way that happens here in Victoria: pours for ten minutes, then light sprinkles for the same, then repeat. Nothing like the hours-long soakings I am used to from Niagara, or even the brief deluges that soaked me in Florida. I still remember a vast, dark cloud crossing the sky when I was living in Fonthill, a black wedge that reminded me of nothing other than a Star Destroyer moving against the lighter clouds around it. Yeesh.
One of the last customers of the day provided some entertainment: a solid construction worker, he came in shaking the rain from his jacket... and trailing smoke from his hat! I waited a beat, then said with a straight face a phrase I never thought I would utter: "Umm... you know your hat is on fire, right?" He said something colourful and then reached up to swat at his right ear... dislodging a still-burning cigarette and crushing down his briefly-smouldering ballcap. Apparently he had not quite pinched-out his cigarette before tucking it behind his ear and entering the store, so it had started to burn his hat! Luckily only a few seconds had passed, and his hat was wet from the rain... otherwise, he might have had a really bad evening. I'd not want to be the first person in MMart history to lose a customer due to a flaming hat...
Nov 21st - Economics
Mulling over the current economic downturn, I was perusing the 'net for opinions, articles and general thoughts about how things are going to go for the next six months. With the downturn affecting consumer spending, retailers are holding their breath for the next thirty days to see if wallets will open.
DollarStretcher.com recently posted an article about how the market downturn is affecting people's retirement plans. The article is interesting as it looks at various life stages of investors, from people just starting out fresh from university, to middle-career folk, to those already retired and watching their plans being jumbled by the economic uncertainty. Though it is not nearly as bad as the Great Depression( what was so great about it, anyway? )... from the people I have talked to who lived through it, the gist is that if you haven't lost everything and need to stand in line for days to apply for a job, then things aren't as bad as they were back then. At least every guy wore a decent hat and shoes.
Myself, I have migrated to a low-key holiday season... the days of ripping open presents under a tree are long past for me, save reminiscing over old and faded photos. I enjoy the holidays now more for their good cheer than anything else, though that's hard to muster when shoulder-to-shoulder with crowds in a shopping mall - hence my plan to avoid most such places evenings and weekends in December. I might enjoy the holiday music piped in as well, with less exposure to it; one can only hear "Jingle Bells" so many times before it becomes grating on the ear with false cheer.
Nov 22 - Overtime Saturday
The morning dawn'd bright and clear, though clouds lurking on the horizon shook their fists at the sun as they blurred across that firey disk from time to time. Much better than a gray, flat ceiling of clouds, glowing in one spot as the sun tries to burn its way through to smile on the earth below. Yep.
I worked an extra shift today at our Colwood store, which brought back some memories of Welland Ave in Niagara, where most every store, including Welland Ave, had a Timmy's nearby. In matter of fact, Colwood has the best setup I have seen: literally steps from the door, there is a Tim Horton's, and a few steps the other way is a Wendy's. Not that I eat out all that much anymore, but it pained me, almost literally, to see that the Bacon Mushroom Melt was back at Wendy's after a two-year absence... must be that time of year again - loved that sandwich. Though my coworkers back at Office Place asked me NOT to have it for lunch when I was working, as it tended to... disagree... with my digestion. But it tasted so GOOD. *sigh* Now that I have the gallbladder issues, beef has been off the menu for some years now, so I have made do with Chicken Grills, as well as enjoying soups from Timmy's such as Potato Bacon: now THAT is a satisfying meal.
Nov 23 - Cow Bay
Took a road trip today up to Cowichan Bay to celebrate my dad's upcoming birthday, he's turning sixty one... glad to see he has been retired for ten years already, and not the other way around, to be still waiting for retirement.
It was a scenic ride, as the weather cooperated and the clouds stayed away. We traveled up the Malahat Drive, hugging the mountainsides and taking in the great views across the Saanich Inlet - there are a few scenic outlooks along the way that are simply breathtaking; mere words cannot describe the sweep of the forested hills, the deep blue of the waters or the pearlescent snow-topped glow of Mt. Baker far to the east. The smell of dead fish when we passed Goldstream park was very strong, even with the vents off... I am not sure when that will end; hopefully after Christmas.
We had lunch at the Oceanfront Grand Resort & Marina, which is renowned on the island for its amazing Sunday buffet. It reminded me in a way of the Beacon Harbourside Hotel in Jordan, which my family used to head to on occasion for their Sunday buffet... which I recall as being rather limited, but they had lots of pancakes. We used to travel all over to check out new places for Sunday buffets, even up to Hamilton a few times, though most of the restaurants we went to are long since gone - anyone remember the old Julio's on Ontario St., where Jack Astor's is now?
The evening vanished in the usual blur of catch-up, as I juggled laundry loads with cleaning, to get things done so I can enjoy my total day-off tomorrow. Supposed to be bright and sunny, albeit chilly, so I may decide to take a walk around the block or to Cook St. Village, though doing so by myself really stinks sometimes... I can think just as well at home here, where it is warmer and less likely to rain on me indoors. MUCH less likely. Not that I mind the rain, when it could be snow... *smiles*
No spiders this week; the closed windows and scattered chestnuts around the apartment seem to have put paid to their nocturnal ramblings. Which is nice, as they don't pay any portion of the rent, the sods.
4 comments:
OH don't you worry. i'm around lurking. I called a few days back, but you didn't answer... and i didn't leave a message! HAHA! I laugh while you suffer! But when will i call again? Soon...
The nocturnal visits conitue unabated however... i still sneak up while you sleep, crawl around in your mouth and have a nice poop.
You may want to start keeping your light on at night... and i mean the big overhead lamp, not the scooby doo night light you use...
*gasps* How did you know about the nightlight? How???
YO. Haven't checked in recently. Nice to see you are still living the dream buddy!
Luke
(PS: What's with the spider?)
Seriously are you the hardest guy on the planet to find or what ? At least if you were in Africa you'd stand out some. :) Anyways nice blog guess I will have to read this more often to see what you are up to. So who am I.. Drum roll !!.. Its Trevor.. ta-da. I found Brian Woods and he helped me. So anyways if you can, look on face book. I'm easy to find I think or email me at trevorpearce at gmail dot com. Hope to hear from you.
Trevor
Post a Comment