Love, Loss and Lamentation

The word of the week is sorrowful. In spades - don't read the blog this week if you're sensitive to the loss of a pet...

Feb 28 – The Downhill Journey

For a few weeks now our amazing pet cat Tristan has been showing his age, not being able to jump up onto things as he used to. We thought it was that, anyway, until today when he stopped eating his food - totally, not a bite. He tried, but then pawed at his mouth like it pained him... totally unlike any behavior we've seen from him - he even refused bacon! We took him into a local vet's right away, who though they were remarkably nice were fairly unhelpful in a diagnosis apart from dismissing a bad tooth. We made an appointment with another vet for tomorrow afternoon and spent much of the evening trying to get Tristan to eat near-liquid food, with limited success - he was best able to clean up a dish of fresh tuna water, which seemed to give him more energy. He seems happy but quite tired and he is cooler to the touch than normal, a sure sign that his body is shutting down. We're all in shock at the sudden downturn he has taken; less than a week ago he was chasing little rubber balls around and jumping onto beds as usual. Frightening.

March 1 – Before Loss

Before I had to work today, we took Tristan into a much more helpful veterinarian, getting him a complete checkout and determining that he most likely had something wrong with his throat . Blood work showed him to be failing rapidly and suddenly, with all signs pointing to a cancer of some kind centered in his throat that was preventing him from swallowing. I left work early that evening to rush back to the vet's to pick up Tristan to bring him home again; we had decided against putting him down just as the vet's was closing for the day as he wasn't in any pain. He had little energy and was content to snooze quietly with one of us nearby at home; getting him to drink even a little fresh tuna water was a triumph at this point. As the day drew to a close, I decided to stay up for the entire night to ensure he was comfortable; he was generating so little body heat due to his lack of energy that we weren't sure he'd make it through the night unattended. Thankfully all he needed was a fleecy comforter and a loving presence to keep him with us; a couple of assisted trips for a few sips of tuna water and the litterbox were all he had the energy for. I lay awake watching TV and just spending the time with my friend until dawn.

March 2 – Tristan Passes

Once my parents were up, I gave over Tristan's care to them and caught several hour's grudging sleep, no more - today was Tristan's last day with us. We all three spent the time as close to him as we could, letting him enjoy our affection and seeing it returned in turn from him - he was truly a special animal, able to sense our distress and doing his best to try to keep us comforted with paws and purring. The sun came out quite a few times considering it was a rainy day, allowing Tristan to bask in its warmth easily. By late afternoon, it was time to leave for the vet's... the sun stayed with us for the whole trip, and there were several memorable moments in the car that will stay with my parents and I forever. Tragically, the trip had to end at the vet's and with Tristan's passing; I'll not go into detail save to say we all three were completely devastated for the rest of the evening and will remain so for long afterward. Of the 19 cats we've had over the years, Tristan was far and away the sweetest, most loving and most intelligent - I can truly say that he was one in a billion and we shall never, ever see his like again. A tragedy today,  his loss is... and I also feel sorry that so few people reading this will ever know the thousand ways that Tristan made our lives brighter and better.

Rest well, my little buddy.

March 3 – After Loss

The day after a devastating loss is always a grey blur for me; being short-staffed meant I had to work today, but while writing this blog I can't recall a single thing I said or did that day - it was all on automatic. I was much the same with the loss of another pet, Tetley, some six years past... his was also a unique personality, full of spunk and quite different from the quiet love that Tristan possessed. I have been lucky in many ways, I know, in that I haven't lost a close loved one or friend during my many years and that only two truly special pets have passed. All the things you associate with death do come into play: wishing for more time, to take back lost moments or unkind words or deeds... realizing that all you have after they are gone are the memories of the good times and the lessons they taught you while they were with you. Nothing lasts forever( sorry about that cliche )and sometimes you're just motoring along through life, not realizing you can slow down to enjoy the breeze and roll down the window a little more. Heck, stop and get out for a walk... or whatever tickles your fancy, especially if you're with someone you really care about. It sounds hokey, I know... but you may never get the chance again.

March 4 - Sorry we forgot to pay you for that...

I'm not sure what else to write in the blog this week that can really hold my interest... minor things all, they seem to me right now. Even the fact that my work managed to miss paying me for the 18 hours I spent covering Millstream last week seems rather dull and unimportant, as does the unfortunate firing of a co-worker... which I suspected was inevitable, sadly. My company pays lip service to 'developing the best people' but always seems ready to dismiss someone at the drop of a hat if they can find a good reason; it blows my mind sometimes. There's no sense of family, of loyalty or sometimes even common ethical decency - if you don't perform well enough, despite your other qualifications, you're gone. Makes the phrase 'job security' meaningless the way I see it; they're just waiting for an excuse to boot you for someone cheaper and less troublesome, for the most part. Kind of like contract workers at casinos.

March 5 - Take two tablets...

All right, I have to get a bit of technology into the blog this week... otherwise it's just a well-deserved lament for the loss we've experienced, and that's depressing me again. On to the Motorola Xoom: there's a solid in-depth no-holds-barred review by ArsTechnica.com, who go into a lot of the problems that another review, while also balanced, doesn't really touch on. For now, I'm really, really interested in the Xoom, but I hope that by the end of 2011 the $800 USD price tag drops quite a few notches. Interestingly, that's still LESS than I paid for my GatewayFX laptop two years ago... and I SOLD it this week for about half the cost of the Xoom - huzzah! An ex-Canadian in California bought it as-is, to try to repair if possible and use for parts otherwise; made me happy to both get some $$ for it and that it's going to somewhere other than a tech recycling bin. Which is where my iPhone replacement battery is going; I had to remove it today and replace IT with the OLD battery, as the 'new' battery was charging randomly and growing VERY hot... no thanks to eBay, I'm back to square one. At least the phone still works fine.

March 6 - Memories of Sundays Past

One of these years I'll be able to get every Sunday off, but for now the way staffing constraints are I'll be working most every Sunday albeit a shorter shift every other one. A few years ago that would have been very painful, as Sundays were the only day that ALL my friends were online on Xbox Live to game together; before that, it was Halo LAN-party day and before that D&D gaming day. Now, it's down to "Whoever's around on Sunday might get in a game or two on Xbox if we all feel like it" - which is fine, as I don't think my friends now want to spent ALL day on a Sunday gaming... weird how things change. Scarfing chips and beer while yelling insults at your buddies just isn't as fun online as it was all packed into one house together...

It's been devastating losing Tristan this week... he was a source of joy and love for 12 years, so to lose his familiar presence so suddenly really does leave a hole in our lives. But we have pictures and memories to fall back on, so the sense of loss will fade.... slowly and with pain, to be sure. He will be sorely missed all my days.