Feelings, Forgetting and Futurama

The word of the week is trepidation. 

Dec 5 - Phone me later? 

Inevitably, my love of technology draws me to peruse the latest offerings, despite my professed lack of a 'need' for such things. Such as smartphones; I've had the same phone now for 4 years and it's perfectly functional... just not exciting or terribly useful for things like texting or email. Or anything else. 

Whereas the HTC DesireHD( new in Nov. 2010 ) and the Mororola Droid Razr ( very new in Nov 2011 )are BOTH very exciting phones, if somewhat battery-hungry with moderate media use. Seeing as I own a tablet, I don't need a phone to carry ALL my media with me( Futurama episodes! )as I'd rather have a larger display. But for checking email, FBook status updates and general ease-of-use apps, a decent smartphone seems to be the way to go. Heck, I used my iPhone 3G for only a few things daily, as it was slow, pokey and prone to lockups; go figure. Getting a new phone WOULD mean going on another contract, so I'm saving that painful decision for the new year, when hopefully I will have found out if I have a new job. 

Or not. We shall see: new job, new phone? Kind of a synergy / incentive there. 

Dec 6 - Forget something, stupid? 

Sometimes I wonder about my sanity this past year; what can you really measure your sanity by? Incessant talking to yourself? Nope, not us. Hearing voices? Nope, just my bluetooth headset. Forgetting important things lately? Well... 

That could just be excessive stress. Or stupidity; take your pick. 

Today's shining example is my forgetting the birthday of a lifelong friend; yeah, THAT kind of stupidity. I usually set calendar reminders for dates like today - important dates you do NOT want to forget. Yet somehow it slipped past me and now I have to live with that Feeling Like An Ass feeling for a while. It's only the second time this has ever happened( the first was a family member in my early teens; never again! )so I'll just use it as another flog to keep my focus sharp until I can get out from the stress factor that's warping my brain. It's subtle, the things it does to you... and annoying, as I can lose my concentration despite my best efforts. "Oooh, shiny thing!" - like that. Still doesn't make it better. 

Next year? A wall-sized calendar. With lights. 

Dec 7 - Bye Bye, Bean 

The Mountain Bean has closed 'for the winter' as of last week... and I don't expect to see it back in the spring. The windows are all papered over and from the total lack of customers for the last few months, I doubt anyone will return if they open again. They're an excellent example of having no real business plan, ignoring what their customers liked( and wanted! )and simply doing what the owners wanted, irregardless of the realities of their location. Which sucks, as I DID enjoy going there to sit in front of their HUGE fireplace during the cold months, reading and writing and generally relaxing. Everyone NEEDS a place to go that is not home OR work, and for almost a year the Mountain Bean was that place for me. Things have changed, but not so much that I'll miss the memory of what it was, now that it is gone. 

Which makes the news that Tim Horton's is going upscale all the more timely. There's no Timmy's within easy walking / cycling distance of where I am here on Bear Mountain, but change is coming all the same soon. As I've already observed with McDonalds, the larger fast food chains are waking up to the fact that people WILL spend more if they can STAY a little longer, in a little nicer surroundings. As for me, I try to avoid the local Starbucks, they are all three rather small and out of the way - maybe when I move in the spring it will be closer to a nice cafe somewhere that I can get out to more often? Hmm. Idea:

The Three Starbucks!!

Dec 8 - DC Universe MMO ? 

I'm hoping that I'll have a decent experience trying out DC Universe Online, which just went free-to-play this month. I like the character options and the huge open world, filled with heroes and villains and eye candy. I've not played an MMO at all, since I have an aversion to paying a monthly fee and a bigger aversion to dealing with the crowds of morons said massive-user online games bring with them. It's hard to get into the 'fantasy' of being a character in another reality when the people around you won't stop dragging their own boring reality along with them. Time and again. It's like people who insist on talking on their phones during movies, bringing the rest of the audience out of the place the movie's creators want to take you to - rude, inconsiderate and downright annoying. Which is why I've stuck with NWN all these years: the morons are quickly identified and shown the door before they wreck the place too much. 

Dec 9 - Futurama, Fifth Season! 

It's back! A little old news: Futurama has returned for a fifth season... earlier this year. THIS month I finally found said season on sale on Amazon for a reasonable price, so I caved in and it arrived today; huzzah! I love this show for its irreverent take on life, the universe and everything( miss you, Douglas Adams... )which is evident in many of the episodes. Like The Simpsons, Futurama loves to make social commentary without being too obvious or political( like South Park, which overdoes it quite often to be 'funny' ... ). A great example of this is below, enjoy: 

Dec 10 - Lovely 

As some of you may have noticed, the subject of love has been on my mind a lot of late - no additional stress there, surely. No, I've thought a lot about what it means to BE in love: what are the signs, and how does a crush, or infatuation, differ from the deeper signs that you have fallen for someone? 

And what to do about it also comes up. I've been subject to some unwanted attention over the years - not a lot, mind you, just from a few people I definitely did NOT want to be with, for various reasons. It was a hard thing to let them down gently( and firmly )as I'm not a brusque person. But I also did not want to lead them on; definite disinterest was expressed fairly quickly. 

So when it comes to my own situation, in gauging if someone IS interested in me that I DO like, well... it's still not clear to me. As I've said before, I'm going to push as much as I can for a clear answer and move on from there. 

Wherever that takes me. Or, if I am lucky: us. 

Dec 11 - Rest, needed

Sundays seem to be a catch-up day for me, where I try to finally get around to the things I couldn't get to during the week. Or the week before. Or before that - you get the idea. Cleaning, papers in piles to be sorted, getting some of the grime off the car; all of these are the mundane things that should be done daily( -ish )but that I don't have the energy, or the desire, to do daily. Partly it's the energy thing( I need more exercise )but partly it's just the total lack of desire; I try to relax when I can and not fall asleep for too long before my real bedtime, as that just throws me off. Today at least was a good mix of accomplished tasks( albeit minor ones )and some solid relaxing time; the extended Blu-Ray edition of The Two Towers looked and sounded great! And an evening of NWN is always welcome for the excellent diversion it offers, as well as the chance to explore some facets of character; always a plus for a writer. And I squeaked in some poetry there too, which was a plus. A good day off, especially as I've worked 

Tomorrow( Monday )will be when I inform my DM I am leaving in January, and not returning. I will do all that I can to make it a pleasant, fact-based conversation, as I do not hold much against him in particular, just the company. I just intend to inform him that I will be happier not working for MMart in any capacity very shortly, and if he wants to get into the nitty-gritty, I have a list prepared - it's a done deal, as far as I'm concerned; all I have to do is inform him and from there he has to deal with the ramifications therin. 

Always fun, Mondays...