The word of the week is focus.
Feb 6 - Places To Live
For a while now, I've been apartment hunting in anticipation of moving out and moving on - it's been planned since the beginning since moving to Bear Mountain that I wouldn't be staying more than a year or so, if the timing worked out. So far, it's looking good for my leaving around( or before )April, as I'm not tied by a lease anymore to this place and can move as I please. Providing I FIND a place locally that I can afford and that isn't out in the boonies or under a dance club next to a rock-crushing operation. Luckily, a friend of mine here is looking for roommates and has a GREAT place just down the road, so I'm really hoping things work out soon and I can move just down the road. I've been wanting my independence( again )for some time now, so the other half of the puzzle is employment of some kind - more about that next week. For now, for those of you looking for places yourselves( in the near or further future )should check out Lifehacker's Apartment Hunting Checklist to avoid stepping into something that isn't the right fit for you.
Feb 7 - Signs and Portents
While I believe in the validity of many things in this world, two things that are not on my list are Astrology and Numerology, in terms of horoscopes and predictions pertaining to people's lives. Myself, I am a Cancer sign, which I've mostly avoided reading anything deeply into, though lately my frustration with my lack of relationships has led me to do further research into these areas. Ironically, I installed an app on my ASUS tablet called 'Know Yourself' which is numbers-based, and darn it if the thing hit a nearly 99% in what it had to say about my life. Turns out Cancers are the MOST complicated astrological / numerological sign to interpret - of course. There was a LOT in there, most of which I didn't have to stretch at all to apply to my life. While I don't read a lot of meaning into those results, it did get me to thinking about all the forces that affect our lives, seen and unseen, as well as the effects these things have on our many intertwined relationships over time. I'll leave you with a small snippet from Know Yourself, one which I found most compelling to me:
Your Life Path (sometimes called Destiny) is derived from your birth date. Your Life path is the road you are traveling. It reveals the opportunities and challenges you will face in life. Your Life Path number is the single most important information available in your Personality Chart!
You are the searcher and the seeker of the truth. You have a clear and compelling sense of yourself as a spiritual being . As a result, your life path is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and finding the answers to the mysteries of life.
Feb 6 - Places To Live
For a while now, I've been apartment hunting in anticipation of moving out and moving on - it's been planned since the beginning since moving to Bear Mountain that I wouldn't be staying more than a year or so, if the timing worked out. So far, it's looking good for my leaving around( or before )April, as I'm not tied by a lease anymore to this place and can move as I please. Providing I FIND a place locally that I can afford and that isn't out in the boonies or under a dance club next to a rock-crushing operation. Luckily, a friend of mine here is looking for roommates and has a GREAT place just down the road, so I'm really hoping things work out soon and I can move just down the road. I've been wanting my independence( again )for some time now, so the other half of the puzzle is employment of some kind - more about that next week. For now, for those of you looking for places yourselves( in the near or further future )should check out Lifehacker's Apartment Hunting Checklist to avoid stepping into something that isn't the right fit for you.
Feb 7 - Signs and Portents
While I believe in the validity of many things in this world, two things that are not on my list are Astrology and Numerology, in terms of horoscopes and predictions pertaining to people's lives. Myself, I am a Cancer sign, which I've mostly avoided reading anything deeply into, though lately my frustration with my lack of relationships has led me to do further research into these areas. Ironically, I installed an app on my ASUS tablet called 'Know Yourself' which is numbers-based, and darn it if the thing hit a nearly 99% in what it had to say about my life. Turns out Cancers are the MOST complicated astrological / numerological sign to interpret - of course. There was a LOT in there, most of which I didn't have to stretch at all to apply to my life. While I don't read a lot of meaning into those results, it did get me to thinking about all the forces that affect our lives, seen and unseen, as well as the effects these things have on our many intertwined relationships over time. I'll leave you with a small snippet from Know Yourself, one which I found most compelling to me:
Your Life Path (sometimes called Destiny) is derived from your birth date. Your Life path is the road you are traveling. It reveals the opportunities and challenges you will face in life. Your Life Path number is the single most important information available in your Personality Chart!
You are the searcher and the seeker of the truth. You have a clear and compelling sense of yourself as a spiritual being . As a result, your life path is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and finding the answers to the mysteries of life.
With your abilities to learn, analyze, seek out answer's to life's important questions, you have the potential for enormous growth and success in life. By the time you reach middle age, you will radiate refinement and wisdom. Pythagoras loved the seven for its great spiritual potential.
That kind of direct insight to who and what I am is all part of the appeal, I think...
Feb 8 - Chainmail Chicks?
My creativity is returning in fits and starts over the last few weeks, so I've been trying to focus it into something fun that will let me get out some of those thoughts. Turns out that Motivational Pictures( actually de-Motivational pics! )were the perfect thing for me to turn to. There's a few dozen sites out there, but some limit you in their creative methods, so of them all I preferred to use Demotivationalpics.com in the main because it doesn't cut you off at three lines of text. Of all the pictures I've created this last week, my favourite was actually the first one I created, as it makes me laugh every time I see it:
It really embodies( ha... )my sense of humour and wit, I think.
Feb 9 - Why so angry? I dunno.
Today was an angry day for me today; I don't know why, specifically. Maybe my subconscious is TOO decompressed and I'm feeling empty inside, going from extreme pressure to extreme... nothing? I did a LOT of thinking as the day wore on, not dwelling on things but just TOO MANY thoughts racing through my head about all sorts of 'what ifs' that haven't come to pass. Twenty years since I left high school and I've ended up nowhere professionally. Personally, I'm alone, with no real relationships to speak of with any significant( or even insignificant )others. Yes, I AM glad that I've been able to keep my family healthy, despite the insanely monumental obstacles I've had to overcome, but today the price seemed almost too high.
That kind of direct insight to who and what I am is all part of the appeal, I think...
Feb 8 - Chainmail Chicks?
My creativity is returning in fits and starts over the last few weeks, so I've been trying to focus it into something fun that will let me get out some of those thoughts. Turns out that Motivational Pictures( actually de-Motivational pics! )were the perfect thing for me to turn to. There's a few dozen sites out there, but some limit you in their creative methods, so of them all I preferred to use Demotivationalpics.com in the main because it doesn't cut you off at three lines of text. Of all the pictures I've created this last week, my favourite was actually the first one I created, as it makes me laugh every time I see it:
It really embodies( ha... )my sense of humour and wit, I think.
Feb 9 - Why so angry? I dunno.
Today was an angry day for me today; I don't know why, specifically. Maybe my subconscious is TOO decompressed and I'm feeling empty inside, going from extreme pressure to extreme... nothing? I did a LOT of thinking as the day wore on, not dwelling on things but just TOO MANY thoughts racing through my head about all sorts of 'what ifs' that haven't come to pass. Twenty years since I left high school and I've ended up nowhere professionally. Personally, I'm alone, with no real relationships to speak of with any significant( or even insignificant )others. Yes, I AM glad that I've been able to keep my family healthy, despite the insanely monumental obstacles I've had to overcome, but today the price seemed almost too high.
So this may be a mild midlife crisis; here I sit, overwhelmed by the possibilities and crippled by some of my choices. Facing a future as uncertain as I ever did, yet from an opposite point of view: what I do now is MY choice, MY path that I take, MY FAULT if I fail to take advantage yet again of my strengths and instead let my ever-present inner demons whisper too loudly about how terrible things are for me... makes me want to rip off my ears. Well no, not really, but you get the point. One thing I did discover today is while having a support network is absolutely vital when you're feeling down, it does LITTLE for helping you find focus; only you can open that door, or even choose which one to head towards. Facing an endless hallway of unknown doors, I am badly tempted to head back down the stairs to the coffee shop to return to a comfort zone.
Except that the shop down the stairs is closed now, and will likely never re-open.
Feb 10 - Happy Birthday, Sis!!!
Today I'll talk about sisters, in that it's MY sister's birthday and I feel incredibly lucky to have her as my single sibling. We're the perfect Nuclear Family: an older brother to a younger sister and two parents. We've almost always got along, never fighting or sniping at each other, but rather supportive throughout all the stages of our childhood and into adulthood. This was always 'normal' to me and frankly it shocks me when I hear about how much other people's siblings were rotten to each other growing up( and some still are as adults ). Maybe the old phrase is true, that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. In my case, I've been blessed by whatever universal powers you care to name with friends AND family fantastic, with none more deserving of my appreciation than my sister - she's as lovely as they get in all the ways that count.
Happy birthday, sis. Love ya t'bits.
Except that the shop down the stairs is closed now, and will likely never re-open.
Feb 10 - Happy Birthday, Sis!!!
Today I'll talk about sisters, in that it's MY sister's birthday and I feel incredibly lucky to have her as my single sibling. We're the perfect Nuclear Family: an older brother to a younger sister and two parents. We've almost always got along, never fighting or sniping at each other, but rather supportive throughout all the stages of our childhood and into adulthood. This was always 'normal' to me and frankly it shocks me when I hear about how much other people's siblings were rotten to each other growing up( and some still are as adults ). Maybe the old phrase is true, that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. In my case, I've been blessed by whatever universal powers you care to name with friends AND family fantastic, with none more deserving of my appreciation than my sister - she's as lovely as they get in all the ways that count.
Happy birthday, sis. Love ya t'bits.
Feb 11 - Plants, Zombies and Angry Birds
Uh oh, I found a cheap game today on Steam for my PC... and I lost 3 hours playing it! Plants Vs. Zombies is the insanely addictive 'tower defense' game that came out in May 2009, on Steam( naturally ). It's all about defending your yard from invading zombie hordes with the assistance of friendly plants with specialized abilities. The game is drawn in a cartoony, cute style that is lovely to watch and uncomplicated. It's incredibly fun, moreso than I've found Angry Birds to be, as I keep stopping and starting playing that game, which I can't seem to get into. Today though, I found the trailer below - wow!
Feb 12 - Fun Choices
It is NOT a day off for me today; I'm not working, so today is simply mine. What pisses me off is when I'm playing games like Battlefield3 and I keep getting sideline in score, waxed and blasted and blown up by 'better' players. My lizard brain is screaming in outrage for me to even things up, but my higher senses are telling me that the reason WHY I am getting worked over is because those OTHER players dedicate a LOT more time to the game than I do. So there's a lesson there: do I waste more of my life dedicated to bettering myself in a game that has NO VALUE outside of the virtual world, in order to satisfy my base craving for a limited form of success? Or do I practice in games at odd hours, with less practiced foes, to increase my skills at a slower pace and so avoid the frustration that keeps me from ENJOYING the game in the first place? It's an obvious choice... but really, I should be writing, not playing games that too often of late make me gnash my teeth.
To cool off, I can do a lot of things - which I did today, going out with a friend and chilling at a coffee shop while people-watching. Then, of all things, a game of scrabble( lost but had fun )and a game of NWN( got lost but had fun )followed by writing this very blog( lost a few parts but had fun ). See the pattern? I finished off the night by sitting back and reading up on the latest adventures of Newt And John - go have a look, it's hilarious and FUN!! And it also perfectly sums up the terrible premiere of The Phantom Menace 3D I saw on Saturday at the late show... horrible. Another ten years at least before I try to see THAT movie again!
It's been rather a yo-yo for the last week; I'm feeling as though I've had TOO much of a change going from unbearable pressure to a lack of daily focus. It's hard to WANT to do something, anything, right now. I think I have to get back to being me, then figure out where that will lead me apart from the things I have to get done in the next few months, like moving and getting a job. Small steps on the path to help make the journey clearer as I go along.
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