Procrastination, Pressure and Perfect Playsets

The word of the week is puissant.

April 9 ­- Maybe Later...

I love it when research backs me up...

Especially when it comes to bad habits, such as: procrastination!

For many years, I've been beating myself about the head when it comes to Getting Things Done. Oddly enough, it seems that most times, I CAN get things done, but in some instances it's just such a struggle that I've wondered out loud: why?

Science to the rescue!

For a procrastinator of my kind, perfection (or something negligibly close to it) thereby becomes the only result that allows one to be comfortable with himself. A procrastinator becomes disproportionately motivated by the pain of failure. So when you consider taking anything on, the promise of praise or benefit from doing something right are overshadowed by the (disproportionately greater) threat of getting something wrong. Growing up under such high expectations, people learn to associate imperfection or criticism with outright failure, and failure with personal inadequacy. A person who does not have this neurosis might wish they didn’t make a mistake, whereas the neurotic procrastinator perceives the error as being a reflection of their character. In other words, most people suffer mainly the practical consequences of mistakes (such as finishing with a lower grade, or having to redo something) with only minor self-esteem implications, while neurotic procrastinators perceive every mistake they make as being a flaw in them. So what they are motivated to do is to avoid finishing anything, because to complete and submit work is subject yourself (not just your work) to scrutiny. To move forward with any task is to subject yourself to risks that appear to the subconscious to be positively deadly because part of you is convinced that it is you that is at stake, not just your time, resources, patience, options or other secondary considerations. To the fear centre of your brain, by acting without guarantees of success (and there are none) you really are facing annihilation. A backlog of avoided tasks accumulates, and each one represents another series of threats to your self-worth should you tackle them. So the fear mounts, knowing that there is a minefield of threats between you and the fulfillment of your responsibilities. You feel like you must do something and can’t do that thing simultaneously, which can only lead to a burning resentment of the people or forces that put you in that impossible place — your employer, your society, or yourself. A victim mentality emerges.

This exactly explains what I've been beating myself up for all these years: it's not laziness, or even procrastination... but fear of failure.

Yup. As noted above, it's also been accompanied by resentment and a 'Why me?' nagging thought-train that's been hard to kick some years, even though I know better.

I'll be ruminating on this further, but for now I have a blog to write...

April 10 - Quantum Night

Finally...

Last week, I picked up a copy of Robert J. Sawyer's latest book, Quantum Night, in hardcover at Russell Books for $9.00 - a bargain, considering the eBook version has been $15 forever, and there's no sign yet of a paperback version( which would be more than $9 anyway! ). I've been itching to read it for some time now, and in case you're not familiar with the premise, here's a peek:

I find the concept of the book fascinating, as it neatly compacts so much of today's psychology into three personality categories: 'base-level philosophical zombies' as the majority of humanity, followed by a smaller number of psychopaths( unable to feel emotion )and an even smaller number of 'quicks' who are people with full emotional conscience.

Which, as you can imagine, is a recipe for disaster, as noted above.

Overall, I found the book a fascinating read, though it may not be for everyone. It's steeped in Canadiana, as are all RJS's works, and that's always a fun thing to read in popular culture. One of the signs of a good story to me is that parts of it stick with you long after the tale is done, and such is the case with Quantum Night: it makes you wonder if its premise MIGHT just be true after all...

April 11 - I Remember...

Back in 2006, I went through some pretty serious pain: gallstones.

I'd just returned from a trip to Toronto, and on the way I'd had a delicious Pepper Chicken sandwich from Wendy's, which I'd had fairly regularly before. This time, though, it set off an abdominal pain that within a few hours had me hospitalized, groaning with the pain while my parents sat next to me, helpless to do much. I recall being pissed off in between waves of pain because nobody knew WHY I was in pain: I'd just been stuck on a bed to be monitored in case it "got any worse" which, given the levels of pain I was in, would have rendered me unconscious. It was like someone was pushing a broom handle under my ribs, and I couldn't do a thing about it... 

Thankfully, by midnight the stone had passed( though I had no idea at the time that's what it was )and I was able to go home, completely wrung out. To this day, I still have the occasional dream where someone's pushing a finger under my ribs, reliving that same awful sensation, and I'll be damned if I can make it stop.

Which means when I read about this story, I got a few ghostly twinges of sympathy:

NO THANK-YOU!

Stories like this one tend to put things in perspective, and I can't imagine the pain she must have been in, or the 85-year-old woman who in August 1987 had 23,530 gallstones removed at Worthing Hospital in England’s West Sussex after she complained of severe abdominal pain.

While I still get pain on occasion, it's from the surgery to remove my gallbladder in 2008, which has now connected my liver directly to my small intestine. That connection is a little short, and if I sit oddly or stretch in certain ways, it tweaks it... which is unpleasant, but not painful - most days.

Certainly not as painful as what I went through twelve years ago. With some help from regular bile salts with each meal, I've been doing just fine, which is a relief, as I've got plenty of other things to keep track of when it comes to my health.

April 12 - More Mojo B5!

One of the great things about FBook is connections.

As I mentioned last week, being able to connect with creative folk whose work that I admire is fantastic. There's glimpses into their processes and thoughts that are invaluable, and just getting to see them as a person helps dispell the 'imposter syndrome' that I myself face daily, in that my own work can't possibly be as good as the work of giants such as them.

Also, sometimes they just put out cool stuff for folks to admire, for FREE, and it's even better when it's NEW Babylon 5 work like this:

Full 1080p - one of my fave shots from the show!

Because he could, Mojo was able to find an original model from the show in his archives, re-rig it and tweak it with the latest image-goodies, then render it with the latest software to produce the stunning image above. All because he loved working on the show and wanted to do something to update one of his favourite images... which also happened to be one of mine too!

April 13 - A Week Off, Soon!

My first vacation of 2018 is coming up, in a week's time.

My plan?

Edit my novel daily.

Plus, go for walks, catch up on reading, and generally relax. Since my entertainment budget of late is non-existent( along with every other non-necessity budget )there's really no other options. Besides, my girlfriend doesn't have the week off, and I won't take a trip without her, as it'd just be me moping around.

The last real vacation I had was in 2013 when I visited Niagara for a week, which was wonderful, as was the briefer trip my lady and I took there for 2 days in the summer of 2016.

 My trip to the USA last summer I unfortunately can't count a full vacation, as I was in pain for much of it, thanks to my 'sore core' muscles. It was a GREAT trip, don't get me wrong: I just couldn't fully relax, as every minute I spent sitting was painful... but I didn't let that stop me from enjoying it as much as possible to distract myself from my discomfort. Solar eclipse for the win!

Back to this year, though: it's going to be all about the rest and relaxation!

April 14 - Whatta Playset!

Some kids have the best dads; I know, since I was one of them.

And while my dad wasn't one to make things, other kids are fortunate to have fathers who are skilled with their hands, who can make things like this:

It's made of WOOD! 

This is the Star Trek: The Original Series playset I would have loved to have had as a kid, having grown up watching the reruns on TV. I did manage to get this bridge set, from ST: The Motion Picture... but it left much to be desired:

Cheap thin plastic that broke easily: not a great kids toy...

Still, it was certainly better than this monstrosity for the larger 1970's figures:

I actually had a Kirk figure when I was young, from a flea market: ugh.

April 15 - Weather

Ouch.

It's strange how quickly the weather can affect me; while it hasn't happened as often of late, when the air pressure changes, it can really hit me hard - like today.

After a pleasant few hours out and about with my lady( we brunched, then toured the very green rural backroads, and finished with a walk along the shoreline at Dallas Road )my head started to ache... and my phone showed the air pressure dropping:

You can see the sharp drop around noon... after the roadtrip variances.

As much as my S5 phone annoys me( the screen often refuses to turn back on )the one thing it does well is record the air pressure, much like its S3 predecessor did. So at least I get warning of when the weather's pulling a fast one on me, but today the headache started quite quickly, and by the evening was nasty enough that I had to write the rest of my blog wearing sunglasses - doh!

In ruminating today on my various aches, pains and lack of achievements, I again turned to the words of the late Stephen Hawking, who himself took pains to tell others to "Never Give Up, because where there's life, there's hope."

  

  

That's about all I've got in me; I had to take a few breaks while writing the blog, which took me around four hours overall, twice my usual time with said breaks accounted for. Still, I've got some quiet resting to do before bed, when hopefully the second set of headache tablets will kick in...