Fantasy, Fraggles and Freaking Out

The word of the week is cumulative. 

Nov 7 - Fantastic Fraggles

When times are bad and things are rough, we usually take solace in that which comforts us: family, food and often fantasy. For me, my family has always been there, but as a backup there has always been fantasy. I grew up with wonderful shows like Fraggle Rock, whose title theme includes the line "Cast your cares away / worries for another day!" which I've always loved; pure escapism at its best. However, the danger lies in ignoring one's problems to cocoon oneself in fantasy - I prefer to use it as a place separate from the world where I can unwind for a little while, to get my mind back into balance and to get me ready to face my problems again. I've always had that mindset, which I think is healthy; I know that reality will always be where I spend the majority of my time, but when I need to, I can use fantasy to give my mind and soul the rest they crave and the creative boost I need to survive. Elves aside, I think that's a healthy way to go through life, especially if you read blogs like mine from last week... stress to the power of ten, thereabouts.

Nov 8 - Three Cars 

If it turns out that I have to get a car, I'd look at something small, an urban vehicle that could fit myself and a few friends; definitely not as small as a SMART though. I've done a lot of looking over the years to keep current, and I think I've narrowed my current choices down to three cars: The Fiat 500, a Mazda2 or the Honda Fit. Each offer plenty of value for the dollar and most have been on the market for a few years, so it's possible I can find a used one for a decent price. Not that I'm rushing out to buy one, but as many of you know, I like to be prepared and not be forced to make a hasty decision I'll regret later on. 

The Fiat 500 has a lot of character, but like the Mazda2 it doesn't have a lot of flexible interior room, which the Honda Fit has in spades. None of the cars have more than adequate power for their size, which coming from an old 4-cylinder 1994 GrandAm, I can appreciate and am used to. Price, value for money, size / space and fuel economy and overall style are my main considerations for purchase - whenever that is. For now, I'm content to window shop and plan. As it will likely be a used car, colour will be a toss of the dice... 

Nov 9 - MEETING MADNESS MEANS CIAO MMART ASAP. 

It was an all-day Manager's Meeting today for me, and it started out with me being 10 minutes late for a 10am 'sharp start' - not good, but unavoidable with my parent's car needs. I called ahead to say I would be late, but the CSR didn't deliver the msg - that irked me. The day went downhill from there; the meeting was FULL of hypocrisy, so much that at times I wanted to run around the room screaming and tossing paper at people. Why would I be so upset? Because my DM lauded the other temp DM's efforts in helping to stabilize our district these last 2 months AND MADE NO MENTION WHATSOEVER OF MY OWN INSANELY HARD WORK AND EFFORTS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE THERE. 

Deep breath. 

What hypocrisy, you ask? Well, ALL day long we spoke about RECOGNIZING the efforts of employees, treating them with RESPECT and ensuring they feel VALUED. Every time these phrases came up, my eye twitched and I felt like someone poked me in the stomach. It was all I could do to make it through the day with a stony, sometimes-smiling face and contribute somewhat to the discussion. I really should have just walked out, pleading illness, as I was feeling sick to my stomach by day's end. I've NEVER had to exercise such self-control as I did today, to keep from exploding - I had that zoned-out headspace feeling, where I felt like I was sitting inside a fishbowl while my emotions raged. It was bad, but I made it through without showing more than the tiniest of outward signs that I was upset. It's not yet time to leave, but I'm so close and today cinched it for me: I can no longer work for MMart. 

I did however, have a single bright spot: I'm arranging to meet with someone I've been trying to see for a while now. I'll be setting up a time and place to see her in the next week, when we'll talk and see where that leads us to next. 

Deep breath. Again. If I could have afforded to quit today, I would have.

Nov 10 - Prime Time, no Optimus - Telus About it!

Not much to say about work today, save that I got it over with and went home feeling empty - there's nothing there for me now, in any measure. I'll be leaving as soon as possible, depending on how several job applications go - I feel no sense of loyalty whatsoever. Having gone through all that I have the last 2 months for NO recognition by the company is crazy-making to me. Once I have a new job CONFIRMED, I'll be putting in my 2 weeks notice. Sad. 

Which is why I take refuge in things that make me smile, such as tech like the Transformer Prime, which is the next tablet to come down the pipe from ASUS. It's the successor to my current Transformer tablet I purchased in June 2011, and I'll likely NOT upgrade until the same time in 2012 - there's no need and I want to ensure the first batch gets all the bugs out before I buy. I usually do that with all the tech I purchase, but in the original Transformers case, I needed a laptop replacement ASAP as well as a substitute for a cell phone.


Which I had some GOOD news on this week too: I spoke to Telus again and finally got someone who knew their way around their account system. Turns out I do NOT have to pay a penalty to get a NEW phone activated on my CURRENT contract after all; given that the defective phone I was sent was returned, it cancelled any penalty for changing phones / contracts. I still HAVE to wait out the current term of my contract, but I can add in any phone I want, without penalty. So I'll watch carefully and do my research... and think about how I can poke Telus in the eye for the past year of stupidity they've shown such a long-term customer.

Nov 11 - The Gift Of Memory

Remembrance day is many things to me: honouring the dead, keeping their memories alive and giving thanks for their sacrifices. I've not had any direct family in the military, such as a brother or father or other close family member, but I've always felt a connection with the better ideals that those who choose to serve their country( and also the world )represent. It's a hard thing to put yourself in harm's way, to be ready to give your life for others... it's no wonder that duty and honour have gone hand-in-hand for as long as there has been a military tradition in the world. Which sadly has been as long as there has been war; it says a lot about our civilization's history, I think. 

Every day we live free is a gift.

Take the time to remember those who gave up their futures,

So that you could have the freedom to choose yours.

Make the most of their memory. 

Nov 12 - 7777 hits at Noon today!

This blog has seen a fair number of hits over the last 4 years, averaging 5.28 hits per day with some high and low points along the way. Today it hit a lucky number around noon: 7,777 hits! 

Now, I don't put much stock in things superstitious, but I've never been able to shake a small part of me that LIKES numbers such as that, or dates too. Just yesterday was 11 / 11 / 11, a very auspicious day for getting married across the globe, if only because it's really, really easy to remember, obviously. These little things make me smile, as they are part of the daily tapestry that we sometimes forget to pay attention to. Life's little perks and coincidences should not go unnoticed for too long, or the larger things start to lose their meaning too. Balance in everything... but not by the numbers alone. 

Which is why I spent ALL of today relaxing; a healthy dose of Spongebob and The Penguins Of Madagascar competed with naps and some writing stints to soothe my mind and soul after such a rough week. I'm no longer as bitter as I was a few days ago, just resigned to the fact that my hard work is never the 'right' kind of hard work... and that I need to work smarter, elsewhere. ASAP. 

Nov 13 - Talented Relaxation

It was a relaxing third day away from work, though again the cartoons on TV leave a lot to be desired these days - even the venerable TMNT have vanished, which is a bad sign sliding towards more Pokemon and YuGiOh, bleh. I still got in a healthy mix of relaxing today however. A few hours of Battlefield3, with one game where I was score leader( go me! the rest of the team stank! )which was good fun, as I died less and scored better than I did last time I played. 

I had lunch with a friend who was back on the Island from Vancouver, where he's pursuing a solid career in the medical field; I'm really happy he's able to do so well in that, it's quite inspiring. Not that I want to go into medicine, just that he's able to follow his dreams AND talents while making a great living.

Other talented folk I hung out with today were my NWN friends in the evening; one told a great story involving love, betrayal and dragons - never an easy mix. He pulled it off brilliantly, showing off some incredible area designs that are his hallmark( hours and hours of work there, btw! )that really showed the story off to its best advantage. The showstopper was a massive castle area called Castle Gygaxia, a nod to the late Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons and the man who made much of my childhood fantasy world possible. Hats off to Gary, and to his legacy living on in the many talented people I game with and call friends, past present and future. 

That about wraps it up - three days off work have done wonders for my mental balance and I'm feeling little now other than the growing desire to be rid of this albatross around my neck called MMart. I'll be the better for it.

Chainsaws, Change and Chest Pains

The word of the week is cardiac. 

Oct 31 - Boo.

It was the last of the double shifts today, where I am running 3 branches. Open one and close the other, that's the way it has gone the last 2 months. Too bad today's Halloween, but it doesn't matter: I never get any invites for parties out here in BC, so it's a non-even for me. No costume picked this year again anyway; I'll save Cobra Commander for next year. Again.

I do like Halloween, but I haven't had a house to decorate for visitors in over a decade. The last house I 'spookified' was when I was splitting a place with my sister in Niagara and I was still in university; yes, that long ago. I dressed up as a vampire in full makeup and costume and stood outside on the lawn, pretending to be a mannequin. I even 'tied' myself to a small tree so I could give myself a realistic 'lean' as though I was just a prop. Scare total? Fourteen kids, twenty adults and nobody over the age of forty - just in case. Everyone had a good laugh and I got to try out my terrible 'Count Dracula' impression. 

Now I just watch Halloween specials and try not to buy too much candy to eat. No doorbell, no front lawn, and no costume. Whee. Oh, and as a kid I dreamed of creating a costume from The Dark Crystal but I didn't have the skills. THIS guy did:

Nov 1st - Chest pains and a visit to the ER 

Help arrived today from ON: a BM named Linda came in to assist me on a midshift after I opened the downtown branch. A good thing too; I had been having chest pains since I awoke today, sharp and random and worrying. There were NO other signs of them being cardiac-related, such as numbness or sweating... but my worry grew as the day went on past lunch and they kept returning. Sharper and more painful; I bruised my chest from pressing my hand into it for so hard and so long, as that seemed to help. A bit. 

So I handed things over to Linda( that took almost 2 hrs, btw; I wasn't impressed )and took a cab over to Emergency at the Jubilee Hospital at 3pm. I was admitted quickly, as chest pains are high priority - thanks. Two ECG tests and a blood test later saw me cleared of any suspicious heart troubles, but the doctor could not pin down what exactly it was. He suggested stress as a major factor( obviously )and perhaps some inflamed chest wall muscles; an Advil a day for a few weeks should keep the ER away. Ha, ha. Only not all that funny - glad I am still here and able to laugh.

I didn't get much of a reaction from my DM, after telling him I was headed to the hospital OR after I headed home late in the evening. That, I think, disappointed me more than anything else today. 

Time to leave, on my own, while I don't need an ambulance. 

Nov 2 - Four Years( plus a day )in BC! 

Well, it's been four years now. Four years since my family and I left ON to move to BC, leaving behind many friends and others of our extended family, along with all that we knew of this country. For myself, I had never been to BC before stepping on a plane that day; it was a huge change that I hoped would lead to better things for us all. 

Four years later, that's mostly come true, but not without much stress, struggle and heartache. So, no real change from ON, save for the pace. 

My family is taken care of now, so that I don't have to worry much about their futures - my parents retirement or my sister's prosperity, really. As for me, it's been a strange ride; I have few friends out here in BC, for various reasons, but I do not feel the lack most days, given my mental state. Which is one that deals with stress, and heartache, and loneliness every waking hour. Along with joy, growing stability and a new-found( yet tentative )balance while looking towards the future. 

A future that is closer now more than ever. I'm looking forward to changing jobs, kicking my writing career into high gear, holding out my hand to offer love, and to try to get ahead in a financial sense so that my stress levels will drop all the more. I've been through a lot, accomplished some impressive things, and still feel I have a LOT more to do very soon, for a very long time. 

Not bad for four years, looking back. Now, I'm looking forward again. 

Nov 3 - Um, I'm okay - thanks for asking?

Some more help arrived today from ON, a CSR named Melissa... who I was told was 'Michelle' - typical MMart efficiency and accuracy, that. Anyway, she was there for the mid-shift as support, so that I actually got a fair bit accomplished today. Plus I had a couple of breaks and didn't feel like I'd been trampled by rhinos by the end of the day. It was such a welcome change that I almost felt energetic by the time I got home; weird feeling, that, given Tuesday's event. 

Yet there was still little reaction across the board from most of my co-workers and friends alike, which irked me somewhat. I'm not a drama queen and I tend to downplay my problems, but if I say I'm going to the hospital with CHEST PAINS, you think more than one single person would ask how I was over the next few days. Nope. That's disappointing; disheartening too, if you'll pardon the pun. I don't like to worry people, but hell... next time I'll update my FBook status with 'In hospital with chest pains. Doc getting back to me about open heart surgery. Going to ask for gorilla's heart, as I like bananas.' Maybe that will spark a few people to ask about my health... ? Maybe? Who knows... 

Nov 4 - TGIF ...

Just your typical Friday working; since I had help again for the evening, I again managed to get most of my work accomplished - like doing payroll. Total time I spent at work for the last 2 weeks: 112.5 hours. Insane. Sure, it means more money... but that's like juggling live chainsaws for gold coins: you can only spend them if you survive. I mean to spend time, not money, on my future... hopefully with someone special and MOST assuredly doing something ELSE. ASAP.

I'm just glad to be HOME tonight, with the WHOLE weekend OFF. No calls, no work-stress - everything I could THINK of( and a few things on top )was taken care of during the week, so that I can simple ignore the phone for the next 48 hours. It will be a blissful, peaceful, stress-free ignorance, all told: the best kind.

Nov 5 - Fellowship

Not quite the whole weekend off, as it turns out. I was woken at 6:36am by my work cell; the CSR scheduled today had food poisoning from last night... along with everyone from the bowling alley she went out with. Unpleasant. And not conducive to working whilst tossing one's cookies. Unsurprised, I watched an hour of early morning cartoons before resignedly getting ready for the day... but I DID call the only other CSR in the region whom I KNEW had the day off and wanted to work. Turns out he could come in at noon. 

So I worked until a little after lunch, then handed things over gratefully and went home. Where I popped in a brand-new copy of The Fellowship Of The Ring Bu-Ray( Extended Edition )and whiled away the afternoon in the comfortable fantasy world of Tolkien. It sounded and looked amazing on my new TV system, which I tweaked continuously as the moving evening went on - such things make me happy. Maybe it's the sense of control? Perhaps. 

Nov 6 - In passing... regret.

No phone calls today, thankfully. Just a blissful breakfast... broken by sad news that my Uncle Vince had passed, after a long struggle with illness and with debilitation of the mind. His was a gentle, loving soul that was tied to his wife's as few others I have known; they knew each other since they were small children and were always part of each others lives - inspiring. My uncle had a capacious memory for history and art, and was a talented woodcarver - he could create felines from wood that were so graceful you would believe they had been carved by the spirits of the wood themselves. I regret to this day( and ever after )that I never took the time to have him teach me that subtle art; while I am not skilled with most things, I do love to work wood whenever I can, however poorly my tools and my skills will allow. Regrets. 

The rest of the day was turned towards relaxation with friends, via the arena of Battlefield3: many booms were made of foes and friends alike. I found myself enjoying myself a fair deal, as I've managed to ignore the frustration of constantly losing by immersing myself in the experience of co-operative gameplay. Along with learning how to come closer to winning each time too. 

No links this week, just a sketch of how things wound down, after winding up on the 1st of the month. The ball is in play and we shall see where it falls...

Mountains, Miracles and Mohammed.

The word of the week is endurance. 

This week is all about surviving work. Not exciting, but I have to write it down all the same... it keeps me balanced and sane. 

Mostly.

Oct 24 - Worst. Monday. Ever. 

Today was one of the worst Mondays I've had in my life; nobody died, but I did ever-so-briefly feel like killing a few people... or maybe just doing a little maiming. Kinda. But not really. 

I worked a double today, with the second shift starting at the downtown Douglas store. I walked in, said hello to the manager... who immediately told me she was quitting. 

Right then and there. With NO notice whatsoever. 

After 5 seconds of shock, my Disaster Brain kicked in and I said "Okay then." She had everything ready to go for the signover, with MY name ALREADY on the papers - she rightly figured I was the ONLY person who wouldn't have run out the door screaming when she dropped the news. I can't blame her at all, as she's been pulling 60-hour weeks, like the other manager did at Cloverdale before he threw in the towel weeks ago and took leave before his sanity did. 

It's a weird thing: with ALL the crap I've had to deal with over the last decade+, I am now at my BEST when poop hits the propellers. Small stuff like forgetting my keys makes me hyperventilate, but things like my house catching fire( it hasn't yet, btw )just makes me shrug and get on with life. 

So really, I'm the best person to have working for this district of MMart right now, as today makes the THIRD manager to quit in 2 months. I'm one of only 5 managers left, for 8 stores, and as of today I'm managing THREE of those branches. With only 7 staff and as the only manager with more than a year's experience, I'm the only person standing between threadbare order and total chaos. 

As you can imagine, it was not a good night, but I got through it and went home. I slept but didn't rest at all. 

Oct 25 - Run, Run, Run, and Run Some More! 

Today was all about scheduling; I spent the vast majority of my 'free' time on another double-shift day re-jigging the schedule for all 3 stores to ensure we all stayed open and nobody( except me )has to work a double. Three people have volunteered( I didn't ask them )to work 6 days a week to help out; I am humbled and helped enormously by the staff I have left working for me. They are the reason I am still sane and still working as hard as I am; if I presided over a bunch of prima donnas or lazybuns, I would have quit a year ago. 

I still might. It's been really, really rough since October 3rd, when the second manager quit at Cloverdale. But seeing as I'm the only one able to hold the district together( my DM is too new to do more than just support me )then I will do what I must to ensure that nobody who works with me gets burned out. 

We'll see what happens in the next week or so to me. Today I had to both open AND close, at two separate stores, as my CSR was still sick at Colwood. 

There's nobody else to spare on the entire Island. Just me. 

Oct 26 - Welfare Day? Didn't Kill Me 

From somewhere deep within myself I summoned all my energy and positive thoughts and got through a Welfare Day today downtown. 

By myself for five of those hours, instead of with 2 other people.

Unexpected help arrived when one of the new managers told our DM that she's closing her store 2 hours early and coming to help me - no arguments. I'm deeply grateful that I've set such an example that others are willing to step up to help me like that... it's the reason I'm still working as hard as I am. 

I threw myself into it, standing at the counter, keeping up a happy banter with the people as I moved at a demonic yet efficient pace to mow through the vast hordes of customers lined up out the door. I cashed and cashed and cashed some more, without a single person complaining about how long it was taking or that I had messed up. 

At the end of the day, I balanced to the penny. Unbelievable. 

I was also achingly exhausted and having a hard time standing up. I did manage to get a meal break AND a bathroom break in there, along with a couple of CLIF bars for supplemental energy, but it was a very close thing. 

I won't be able to do that again, ever, I think. I'm not young or in shape enough to try and it makes me wobbly just to think about it. But it's done. 

Oct 27 - Double Shifts again and a TV Deal Done

Holy cowabungas, but I'm TIRED today... mentally and even moreso physically. Even the energy it takes to be digesting breakfast is making me woozy as I head out the door early for a 7am opening shift... 

But hey, that's why I'm working a double today: all or nothing, right? 

And WOW, it's a TOUGH day! Because I'm getting my TV replaced - somehow! 

It went like this: open Cloverdale, move like a madman as I work alone for four hours until help arrives, transfer everything to them, laugh as the DM Twins( my new DM and his experienced helper from ON )try to bring in help... by closing another store for 2 hours! It doesn't do much save get me a lunch break so I can take the weight off my shaking legs and sit for 15 mins. Helped a bit. 

Then what do I do? I JOG to Future Shop a block away to talk to Mohammed, a friend of my new DM( who worked there for 10 years! )to arrange a deal to get my wonky old TV replaced that doesn't involve me getting screwed over. I get that done in about 45 mins( half of it spent waiting, shaking and sweating from exhaustion )with a catch: I HAVE TO BRING IN MY TV TODAY in order to seal the deal, or Mohammed can't do it, even with his pull and abilities. 

With no car. And nobody at home able to load it in one to drive it downtown. 

With disaster staring me in the face and laughing, I punch it in the nose: 

I ask if someone can GO to my house and pick up the TV for $50.00 - sold! We find a big TV guy named Matt who will do it as a break. SUCCESSS!!! I guess if you can't bring the Mountain to Mohammed, he can send someone to Bear Mountain instead!

Run and hop a bus downtown prepared to spend the entire night AGAIN at the counter... but providence is kind to me today: it sends me help! The new manager I mentioned AGAIN closed her store early to speed over to help me a little before dinner, so spent only about 3 hours at the counter alone until she arrived. I then sank into a chair in the back and 'only' spent the next 2 hours jigging the schedules into a semi-final form. It's tedious, eye-tearing work to make things work with WAY too few staff in order to keep all three stores open regular hours and not close - but I manage to pull off the impossible, being given just a little time to actually solidly work on it. 

Acts of God, well... those aren't within my purview. Just the occasional miracle. 

But the day's not over yet! I tear out of work FAR too close to 9pm and zoom down to Future Shop to pay for and pick up my TV package. I arrive at five minutes to nine and am incredibly grateful for the escalator that carries me up to the new Uptown shop... I couldn't have made it up the stairs. 

Deal done and paid for. I saved several thousand dollars. Incredible. The best part is that the massive overtime I've worked for the last 5 weeks paid for it.

I load the TV and accessories into the van, thank Mohammed again and get home so tired that it's all I can do to get things into the condo with the help of my trusty Moving Cart and then sink into bed. It says something about how TIRED I am that I'm within mere feet of a brand-new set of electronics and I can't even muster the energy to open the boxes for a peek. To sleep, dreamless again. It's a mercy/. 

Oct 28 - Winding down the week with an Ambulance Call 

It was quite a runaround today, with doctor's appointments in the AM and other places to be before work in the afternoon. Thankfully I was at Mill Stream, so that I was able to relax a bit and just work on the schedules - still. It's incredibly difficult to balance everything and ensure that each copy of the three stores matches the others perfectly shift-for-shift, so that nobody shows up at the wrong place and we're still covered. I almost finished today too, by the time I was ready to head home and call it a day, one that wasn't so bad. 

That lasted until an hour past when I got home, when I had to call an ambulance for my mother. Just like a few weeks ago, she was having trouble breathing, so I waited outside for the ambulance in the cold and flagged them down with a flashlight. It's far too easy to miss our building, as the street numbers are not visible at night, so I wasn't taking any chances. 

The paramedics took her quickly along with my father straight to Vic General, where they ushered her right in. Unlike last week when she went, when the gruff doctor on duty at Emerg sent her packing back home again far too fast saying she was fine. This time she stayed overnight, with low readings of several things in her blood - she was under constant supervision, so I went to get my dad after midnight and he drove back home, as I was almost delirious with the need for sleep by that point. Again I slept like the dead. But not the cool zombie kind; I've never had a zombie dream that I can recall. 

Oct 29 - Walking Through Exhaustion

Though I've never run one, finishing a marathon is said to be the hardest part, and that's where I'm at today. Working once more at the downtown store by myself, I came in early to park about 5 blocks away, as I can't afford to park on-street nearby for over six hours downtown. Walking to the store, I arrived to see it was busy... and that my glasses case wasn't in my pocket any more! ARGH! Retracing my steps, I speedwalked( while exhausted )back the whole 1km to the parking garage, where I FOUND the case lodged next to the seat in the van. I speedwalked back to work as fast as I could and sat in the back for ten minutes to cool off and to try to regain some equilibrium, as I was totally beat by then. I wasn't out of break, just shaky and sweating... but I recovered with some water. And willpower. LOTS of both.

The rest of the day saw a lineup out the door until dinnertime, when people took a break to get ready for their Saturday Night Halloween Parties. I used that time to wisely finish off the schedules and catch up on some other work I had NO time to look at all week long - it's been THAT busy and THAT crazy trying to run three branches with 1/3 of the required staff, as I've mentioned. I was there over an hour past closing catching up, but I did all that I needed to do and headed home, getting a ride as I was half-comatose by that point. 

I rallied briefly and pulled my new TV out of the box to set it up, which thankfully it did almost automatically. It's a 46" Samsung UN46D6420UF, an LED TV with wireless SMART-TV capabilities, an incredibly thin-and-light profile and an incredible screen. It's a joy to use and I hope that in the coming weeks I'll be able to explore all the features it offers. For now, I used it to softly whammy my brain with cable so that I could doze off very early... 

Oct 30 - Almost 40 Straight Days Of Work

Today was my FIRST actual day off since September 20th; that's 39 days in a row( 5+ weeks! )for those of you who are counting. I am. Several of those days weren't ones spent at work... but dealing with my mom's medical crises and other crisis that meant I couldn't rest while massively stressed - my blog notes them. So it's still bad. 

I woke up late-ish at 9, made myself some apple pancakes and fiddled around with my new TV / stereo setup in the morning, which was very relaxing. I went out to lunch with a friend at The Fountain Diner, where we sat outside next to a man named Jim who had a parrot called Lucky on his shoulder. Lucky was not a talkative bird, but she did come over to perch on my hand several times; definitely a people bird. Neither Jim nor Lucky did pirate impressions, but they had some good stories to tell about their experiences together over the last 9 years; a very interesting lunch indeed downtown! 

The rest of my day off just had me relaxing, with some TV breaks in there ... long breaks, actually, as Ghostbusters and Monsters Vs. Aliens were both on consecutively in the afternoon. I just enjoyed the downtime and the lack of a ringing phone, as the week ahead promises to see some help arrive for work from out-of-province. I've made it through the worst so far and things will be getting better from here on in; with my massive effort and the major assistance of my dedicated co-workers, we've held the line and survived. 

I'll still be leaving in January, once I've found a solid job. It has to be that way, as I can't deal with the massive imbalance of workload vs. pay levels that this company seems to be so stuck on. For all my loyalty, experience, expertise and the sacrifices I've made and suffered for for the last 5 weeks, my company deigned weeks ago to give me a raise of a dollar an hour. 

One dollar. For running three massively understaffed branches. 

I'm definitely leaving, and my 'superiors' can stuff it. Not that they'll notice. 

I can use the rest. 

Best end with good news: my mom went to the hospital today on Sunday for a checkup and CAT scan. The results? A clear bill of health in regards to clots; she has NO lingering clots left, thanks to the filter/ blood thinner combos for the last few weeks! So we can simply deal with her shortness of breath by upping the humidity in the condo as need be, and not worry about clots any more. 

Which is good. We can ALL use the rest. And the stress reduction. 

McKinley, Monsters and Madness

The word of the week is knackered...


UPDATE: The police have CAUGHT the robber who threatened my friend on Oct 1st!! He apparently was staying at a local hotel, where several people recognized his walk - you can't hide body language! He also was wearing similar clothes to a few of the robbery videos, so that made it all the easier. I'll be SURE to be at his arraignment, as soon as I find out who he is and when it will be... scumbag.

Oct 17 - Unexpected?

The week started on a positive note: I didn't have to work for 12 hours today  after all! My CSR who has been sick so often these last two weeks called back in the AM to say she would be able to take my downtown closing shift, so I finished up my morning stretch and went home, still in a state of semi-shock that things had worked out - on their own! I enjoyed almost an hour of just relaxing on the balcony in the sun( and somewhat chill air )just soaking in the quiet, still weather. It was a poor substitute for the weekend, but I'll take what I can get.

Remember my mentioning last week I'd be getting a replacement TV soon? Seems the fine print doesn't mean what I thought it did; new TV means 'comparable' TV, which means from the bottom-end of today's market. So I'm working with THAT diamond in the rough digging at me too. Frustration Shop does it again. Or was it Future Schlock? They're interchangeable to me of late.

Oct 18 - Dead Tired, but not of zombies...

The second season of The Walking Dead premieres this week on Sunday. I won't be watching it( yet )as I don't have AMC... but I'll likely pick up the season on DVD, or just watch it online when I can in a few week's time. Part of the fun of the 'survival horror' genre that Walking Dead inhabits is imagining yourself in those situations and what you'd do. TLC has taken this concept into a new series called The Colony which purports to do just that: take total strangers and put them to work in a fictional 'colony' to overcome tasks that survivors of a disaster / apocalypse would need to figure out. It looks like a good watch, to me. Also on the same note, have you ever wondered what would happen to the critical supplies of electrical power the world over if disaster struck, say a zombie outbreak? Having lived next to Niagara Falls all my life, this wondering came to the fore again during the big blackout of August 2003 on the East Coast of the continent. ZombieInitiative.org has a great article on how long the various forms of electrical power would remain operational; you'll be surprised to find out which ones would outlast which. Still, better pack some batteries for that flashlight... 

Oct 19 - Another loss of a friend...

Today is important for several reasons, but not the ones you think. I had a chat with my boss at work, but that's not the story I want to tell. It's about a beginning that almost ended, and an end that almost had no beginning. 

Instead, it starts with when I was woken very early by a call from my sister, who was trying to save her beloved pet of 12 years... and finding no success. 

McKinley was a cat I saved literally on the edge of death, while I was cycling home one night from Office Depot. I spotted a tiny kitten alone on the edge of a curb at a busy intersection in St. Catharines, with no sign of a momma cat anywhere. So I kept her safe until my mom arrived with a carrier and we took her home and into our lives. She and my sister quickly formed an inseparable bond and McKinley traveled out west with her a few years later, so that I never saw the kitten-turned cat again in-person, just in photos and in my memory. 

Today McKinley had to be put down, as she was no longer able to live with dignity on her own. She was a feisty, loving cat who came unexpectedly into our lives and changed them for the better with a lick and a playful paw. I was surprised to find her when and where I did, for as with all the best things in life, they happen when you least expect them. I know that McKinley brought joy into every day of my sister's life, and for that reason alone I am glad I stopped that night when I did, hearing a kitten's cry for help... and for love. 

Oct 20 - NO $%#! DAY OFF, AGAIN !?!?!

Will the madness never end? Again I was awoken early by a phone call; my CSR's car won't start and they're MUCH too far from work to bus or walk. So I dragged myself off to Cloverdale for 7am after 5 hours sleep to open the store. It was a rough day too; BC Hydro dropped by to say they'd be turning off the power soon since they haven't been able to read the meter in almost a year - news to me. So I searched the branch high and low for hidden unmarked keys, trying dozens in the basement door lock... and the LAST one I found fit! Call BC Hydro, arrange for a new meter read ASAP... as well as accommodate an ADT alarm tech trying to fix some wonky sensors today too. Insanity.

Did I mention it was my day off today? Yeah... 

Home in the LATE afternoon to snooze fitfully for an hour, then I spent the evening alternating between short naps and job searching. 

Yep. I'm aiming to leave early in the new year. Before tax season starts. 

That's about it for today. Still tired, still taking penicillin. Still employed.


Here's to happier times: a video taken at the Kilt & Clover, where I used to hang out all the time in Port Dalhousie. Look hard and you'll spot me in there:

Oct 21 - Infinite Focus?

All right, no talk of work today; go there, got home, that was it for that bit. 

Instead, we'll mention some COOL TECH that just came out: the Infinite Focus Camera... that you can hold in the palm of your hand - Lytro!! 

Okay, the name isn't that great, but the concept is: with conventional cameras, the picture is fixed-focus at the time it is taken. Take a blurry photo, and it's blurry forever. With Lytro, you can change the focus of the picture at any time after you taken it, years later, even while saved on your computer! The technology involved means that the camera reads ALL of the light info at the instant the picture is taken, so you can change the shot afterwards to focus or highlight any part - AMAZING!! I'll have to pick one of these up when I can... once I get a life outside of work again, that is. Too cool. 

Oct 22 - A break, but not a psychotic one( yet )

It was a minor break today, as I worked at our Mill Stream branch, which wasn't busy at all. I spent most of my day doing paperwork, including the inevitable schedule-balancing - I see the damn thing in my sleep of late. I'm here once or twice a week until they glass the place in, as again I won't let my CSR work here until it's totally secured. It's nice, in that it's a break from the crazy pace of the other stores some days... but it's still work, and I'm not snoozing in a chair like Homer Simpson until the beeping on my control panel wakes me up in time for a donut break. 

Of course, if you were watching your control panel at THIS particular plant on a planet far away, you weren't paying attention to what was coming to get you... 

Oct 23 - OMFG just put me away somewhere quiet...

Today I woke up around 8am, basking in the pleasure of having a day off. 

That feeling lasted 52 minutes, until my CSR called in sick. REALLY sick, as in "I have what the other girl had weeks ago that knocked her out for 2 weeks." Sounding like death itself, there's no way she could work today; she sounded like I feel lately, ironically. 

So I called a cab and dragged myself into work. I've no energy left, and after dealing with the usual crowds today I'd had enough after 2 hours; I sent an email to my DM-on-call and closed the store at 2pm and went home for 3pm. 

Where I couldn't fall asleep. I tried, so very hard... the pack of kids that decided today was the perfect afternoon to play Screamball for hours on the quad outside my window didn't help. Sleeping on the floor in the bathroom didn't make sleep happen either, so by dinnertime I was still wide-eyed and brain-dead... with another full 6-day week ahead of me. I consoled myself by watching Monsters Vs. Aliens, a surprisingly fun flick I never saw back in 2009 with some impressive CGI. I may pick it up on BluRay when I get my replacement TV this week, if all goes well. Blog and then to bed with some knockout pills as an assist - no choice, I'm afraid. 

Checking my calendar, I can't find the last day I had off; it was sometime in September, but I couldn't tell you when. I literally can't remember. That's bad...

Good news: My mom is doing well; she's visiting the hospital daily for checkups and they should have the clot filter out this week, once the doctors are certain they're all gone. She's doing remarkably well, though the dry air is causing other problems. Which are more easily solved than blood clots, thankfully.

Hospitals, Holidays and Hell

The word of the week is dyspnaeal. Yes, it's a real word.

Oct 10 - It's a working holiday 

I was up early today on Thanksgiving, but not to cook a turkey - I was headed into work early, again to facilitate car sharing. One of my CSR's has been sick for a week and I don't expect her back until Wed, so that's been hellish to try and accommodate when we're short-staffed as it is... yadda yadda. So in I went, and the day went by fairly smoothly as it was far less busy than I thought it would be. I managed to get a fair deal of work done that had been waiting for me, as I don't get to my 'home' branch in Colwood much of late thanks to my working at four different stores to make ends meet, staff-wise. As a bonus, I had turkey leftovers waiting for me when I got home; I especially love the low-salt stuffing with gravy, always a treat. Not having a lot of people to cook for, we usually do a turkey log, which is simpler and keeps better for leftovers. It's a win-win for everyone - except the turkeys. 

Oct 11 - Bad day for me, worse for THAT guy... 

After a long day today, I was headed home tired and slightly deaf in one ear - the alarm downstairs decided to malfunction and the siren was conveniently placed UPSTAIRS in our branch teller area. Three feet from my right ear as I stood at the counter. It went on for ten minutes and I had no code to turn it off; it was a perfect compliment to spending the entire day at the counter as people decided to get everything they didn't get done before the long weekend done TODAY, while I worked alone. Nobody complained about the wait though.

But that's not the story today. On the way home, I was waiting at a light on the highway( yes, they have intersections on the highways here, unlike in Ontario )when I hear a massive squeal of tires. Startled, I looked to my left, to see the back end of a car in the air, trailing tire smoke as it disappeared off the highway and down an embankment out of sight. No, they don't have crash barriers lining the edge of roads atop steep embankments here in BC either - stupid, right? A huge crowd of people waiting for the bus nearby rushed over to gawk and a few brave people went down the embankment to see what they could do. From what I could tell, the car was cut off by a white truck and had nowhere to go but down. I called 911, along with a whole lot of other people, and hoped that car's occupants were all right as I headed home. I checked the local news for a few days, but there was no mention of the crash, so I hope that means nobody was seriously hurt. And it also meant I saw someone have a worse day than I did, which was an awful irony. 

Oct 12 - Mom ?!?!?!? 

First words I hear this morning: "Take me to the hospital." Said in a calm tone of voice by my mom, but they set my heart thudding all the same - she's had so many medical problems in her life that she has developed a 'Health Sense' superpower about these things. So I threw on some clothes and drove her stright over to the Saanich Hospital... to wait almost 6 hours in the Emergency dept for her to be admitted. Fortunately they did some CT scans fairly quickly and found the pain-causing problems: blot clots from her recent surgery. 

LOTS of large clots, in her legs and lungs. She was immediately put on thinner drugs and put into the surgical care ward for 24/7 observation. 

We were told later that evening by ALL the medical personnel there that they had NEVER seen someone WALK into the ER with SO MANY LARGE CLOTS in their system and live - most didn't survive as the clots quickly reached their heart or brain. That's it - she could have been dead any time.

A 'filter' was put into my mom's system to catch and control the clots and she spent the night under close observation to ensure she was out of danger. It was a shocking and scary experience for us all, as there were no obvious danger signs - my mom has a VERY high pain tolerance due to her various ailments, so these new 'smaller' pains weren't something that she was instantly aware of. Whereas most other patients would have been at ER the same hour they noticed the pains start. 

We're all shaken here, but grateful that I was off for the day and was able to be there to immediately take my mom to the hospital once she'd identified that something was seriously wrong. It's a great example of being in tune with your body, to know immediately when something's wrong - and to act!


The rest of my night was a blur; I don't remember much apart from the naps.

Oct 13 - Coping with stress

After a somewhat restless night, my mom is doing fine; she will be staying at the hospital for at least the weekend to ensure all is well, under observation. 

Staying positive is something that I struggle with, most days. Given all that my family and I have been through over the years, it's a wonder that we're not snappy, growling antagonistic bags of emotional wreckage. For myself, I try my best to maintain an emotional calm, to NOT get upset when Things Happen and to ride the middle ground while not overdoing it and becoming emotionally detached or distant - which does happen some days. The danger that way is that you lose both sides of things: when major things happen, you don't get upset... but you also don't feel happy when joyous events take place either. Though I've had many bouts with depression, I've never been clinically treated for it - it's been close several times, but the support of my family has got me through, as well as my own determination and desire NOT to depend on drugs to deal with life's problems. That time may still come, but I've worked hard to build a mental and familial foundation that keeps me on track when times get rough. Right now, it's work that's the issue; apart from scares like my mom's blood clots this week, my family situation is on an upward climb( as I've worked hard to make it )so that makes things easier to deal with in some ways. So I can focus more on getting the work side of my life dealt with now. 

Oct 14 - Coping with MORE stress 

It was a hard day for me today; with my mid-shift CSR sick( again ), I had to do a switcheroo to get down to our Cloverdale store to work the closing shift today - alone. I took it upon myself to do this, as I couldn't ask my other CSR to work by themselves tonight, on a double-payday at one of the area's busiest stores. It's like trying to run a main-street Tim Horton's with one staffer. 

And BOY oh BOY, was it BUSY: I stood at the counter for 6 hours without a moment's rest, moving at breakneck speed to keep up with the huge influx of people and phone calls. The people storm paused at 7pm for ten minutes, which I used for a combined dinner and bathroom break - not recommended, but it's all I had. Then the crazy resumed; by closing time I was totally worn out and by my calculations I had served one person at counter every 4.1 minutes for seven hours straight... and balanced to the penny. I was happy about that, but not happy that I had to do it; being ABLE to move at that level of speed and efficiency was something to be proud of, but it's like burning one's candle at both ends in a frying pan full of napalm. We'd better have some staff able to work soon, or something's going to give - which will probably be me. No surprise at all there; I'm not 20 years old anymore, sadly.

Oct 15 - Fatigue

An unexpected break today lulled me into a false sense of security at work: the morning was rather slow, so I managed to catch up on a few things, which was great. However, the lovely sunny weather outside lured people out to Do Things, which meant that after lunch things went crazy again. My lobby packed itself solid for the rest of the day, which meant I moved at a breakneck speed AGAIN to keep up - we're down to one person per day on the weekends to match staffing availability. So it was a 'good' thing I was working today, as it was busy enough it would have driven my CSR's crazy trying to keep up. However, two days of that sort of physical effort took its toll on me; by day's end I was exhausted and felt like someone was continuously poking me in my eyesockets. My evening was a ragged blur of catnaps and trying to decompress; sleep was a blessed relief when it whacked me with its pillowed hammer far too close to midnight for my liking. 

Oct 16 - Exhaustion

It was hard to wake up this morning, despite it being my only day off - I'm that tired, that fatigued, from working so hard in the last 48 hours. Combined with the stress of my mom coming so close to death so suddenly and I'm beat. I drove my dad to the hospital to visit with her for the day, spent a while there myself, then went to work for a couple of hours( on my day off )to straighten out the schedule - again. My 3rd CSR is still sick, so I had to juggle things again this week to keep things working; not fun or easy. But I finished by tea-time, went home and collapsed into a 2-hour nap, before getting some dinner and going back to the hospital to visit again with my mom. I also had the doctors check out some kind of irritation in my mouth; turns out it was worse than I thought and they gave me a prescription for Penicillin for the week to combat the infection. They said that stress has made things worse, so it's a good thing I got it checked out... and that I'll be even more tired because of it - not great. Back home late and collapsed into bed to start the week anew, hopefully with enough energy from somewhere. I hear bananas are good...

Sorry, but that's been the entirety of my week: stress and fatigue. I'm going to take a nap now... wake me up when it's 2012, 'kay?

Grift, Grind and Grief

The word of the week is hyperbole.

Oct 3 - How's that paycheque?

One of the things I've found most difficult at the jobs I've had( and there's not too many of those )is pay scale. At every job, employees were told not to discuss wages with one another, only with their manager - for several reasons. I've seen it happen where people find out they are not earning the same as someone 'newer' or 'less experienced' which leads to harsh feelings and problems in the workplace. However, living in ignorance is not a good idea either - your company could be taking advantage of your 'ask not, tell not' instructions to pay you less than you are worth. Have a look at this handy salary tool from Monster.ca and find out if you're being paid what you're worth - I know I'm not, but I'll be rectifying that next week; seeing as I'm the only one able to do the job right now, I can ask for what I'm worth and expect to get it. Not so that I can be a jerk, but instead to show I know what I'm worth and will work hardest knowing I'm valued at that level. Hell, it's been a long haul to get here as it is...

Oct 4 - Nice Guys

Oh, cruel fate, why do you torment me? Or at least make my life interesting? Today I worked at three different stores, due to the staff shortage crisis we are in. I opened one branch, went to a second to cover for 2 hrs, and then had to send my CSR home from work sick and close the third. She's really, really ill and sounds ghastly, so there's no helping it - today was a 15-hour day for me, with the only rest being the travel time between branches.

Why do I do it? Some kind of masochistic sense that I have, to take care of everyone regardless of the personal cost to myself? Hardly. No, I work with great people that I care about, and I know that they would( and have )done the same for me. It's been that way for years and I don't mind, as nobody's ever taken advantage of my generosity - more than once. Nice Guys Finish Last, as they say - so here's four rules to live by, if you're Nice.

Oct 5 - Apple Mourns

Today was yesterday, repeated. My CSR is still too sick to come into work, and everyone else is already working 5-6 days as it is, so it again fell to me to cover as manager - yech. I opened one branch for a full shift, then hopped the bus to Colwood to close for another 5 hours. Equaling another 15-hour day, with only a few minutes rest each shift, because of COURSE it's stinkin' busy in the middle of the week for NO reason. Yep. That kind of day.

Which makes the passing of Apple's Steve Jobs today all the more poignant. Now, I'm not a fan of Apple, but anyone can see the huge impact that the company, headed by Jobs, has had on the world. Going from a has-been in the late 90's to one of the world's top tech firms( if not THE top company )can be attributed to the drive, imagination and zeal that Jobs brought during his time at Apple. I've owned an iPod Nano, an iPhone and an iPod shuffle, all three of which served me well, albeit too briefly. I can think of few better epitaphs for someone than seeing the outpouring of sentiment by millions today when his death was announced. For someone to change the world for so many, for the better, that's tribute enough. Or you can watch this: it's good to be crazy.

Oct 6 - What just happened?

It was a reverse day today: I headed into town to work Cloverdale, going in around lunchtime while juggling the car with the parents - always on a tight schedule, that. I went in a little early to eat at the nearby McDonald's... but when I tried to pull into the lot, there were milk crates across the entrances save for a small spot. Since there were cars in the lot and no sign of line painting or other construction, I pulled up and went to the main door, where I was met by a head-shaking employee. I asked what was going on and was told "You just missed it, watch the five o'clock news tonight." So great timing on my part; if I had been even ten minutes earlier, I'd have been caught up in whatever it was that happened there around lunchtime. Edit: turns out it was a large grease fire, but they had it under control fairly fast. Seems to be a trend of late, not one I'm fond of - leading a stressful life of late is not conducive to adding MORE stress, though on the other hand what's a little more of the same? At least work was fairly straightforward with no surprises; I went home tired but on time.

Oct 7 - Good news? Really?

Some good news this morning, not work related: I'm getting a new TV! Seems that my current TV's pixel-spotted panel can't be replaced as LG doesn't make them anymore. So I'm getting a credit at Future Shop for $1500 towards a NEW TV of my choice( maybe this one! ) as part of the 4-year service plan I bought 3 years and 11 months ago. Talk about beating the odds - sweet! I've taken a quick look online at a few models and will probably read a few dozen reviews in the next week before I decide. Nothing TOO large, as I can't fit much larger a TV than I already have into my room. But good news, for a change - and it'll have NEW tech too!

I worked the closing shift at the Mill Stream branch, as I won't ask my CSR to work there again until after the branch has been fully glassed-in and made secure. I feel fine there, as I'm not the one who had a gun pointed at them, and I hope I never will - I can't ask her to go through anxiety attacks every time she works there if it's still open-concept. Not a chance.

Oct 8 - Cartoons!

Saturday morning cartoons, as I've lamented before, are a shadow of their former selves. They reached a zenith in the toy-crazed eighties, when hours could vanish for kids quite easily as they watched their favourite shows. I remember eagerly perusing the latest TV Guides to ensure I NEVER missed a new episode of a show in case the networks had switched timeslots around( which they did ). What better way to start your weekend than in your PJ's, enjoying new stories with favorite characters?

Which is why I laughed in delight when I came across this gem. It's Daffy Duck in some kind of new Merrie Melodies series, where he's a wizard... and a lazy roommate:

Pure Awesome!

Oct 9 - Turkey Day comes early

After opening the downtown branch today( I'm managing two of them for the next few months )it was time to head home, with lovely sunshine beaming down for a change. When I got home, my parents and I went down to the terrace gardens that border the golf course, carrying the urn of our beloved pet cat Tristan. We had waited for a perfect fall day to put him to rest in the gardens, at a time while life all around was changing after the summer's warmth. Again I felt the loss of this special friend, who was with us for too brief a time - yet as with all things, his time came and he passed on surrounded by we, his loving family. Placing his ashes in the ground was difficult, as I was overwhelmed by a sense of grief I still feel most strongly... but I am reminded of the incredible love that Tristan showed all of us every day he spent in our lives. That love sustains me, as I dry my eyes and remember him.

// rant It's been a long week, and the rest of the month looks to be a grind as well. Even writing the schedule for 2 branches myself, it's going to be tough, with a couple 12-hour days each week and around 60 hours all told weekly. I fully understand why the other manager left, but I'm bringing quality new people on-board and am making damn sure to take care of all those who are still with us. It will be tough until the close of 2011, but I hope we'll make it there with the district team intact and fairly sane... it helps to have a DM who believes in me. :-)